A Bit of Advice
by DJ Clawson
Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs: the unfortunate Mr. Darcy.
1. The Deal

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

Note: THIS STORY IS PUBLISHED AS "THE DARCYS AND THE BINGLEYS." If you have bought and read that book, you have read this story in a revised version with less typos and consistency errors. Just so you know.

* * *

Chapter 1 – The Deal

For the first time in many years, the shooting season was passing and Charles Bingley didn't give it a second thought. It did cross his mind once, but was easily dismissed by his manservant hurrying into the room to fix his cravat, because he had to look his best at all times for the numerous guests and visitors that were filling his hours. Normally hosting was something he did gladly, but other ... forces were pulling him in directions away from his abominable guests and well-wishers.

_This must be how Darcy feels all the time_, he mused, and allowed himself a rare smile – rare in that it was at the expense of his friend. For he had no doubt that whatever sufferings he was enduring at Netherfield by having the flux of people and priorities keep him from his beloved Jane, Darcy was probably feeling it more, because he went into the intense period of sociality with a predisposition against it. As a guest in Bingley's estate, he was normally entitled to all of the privacy he wished and could hide in his room with a pile of books for all Bingley cared, but that was not the case when one was engaged in what was looking to be a rather controversial wedding.

Perhaps controversial was not the right word, but Bingley chose it anyway, at least in his own mind. Certainly, there were those who opposed it, but none that he and Darcy were not willing to stand up to. He could never have imagined his unshakable best friend bending to the will of his aunt and marrying Anne de Bourgh, but then again, he could also never have imagined his friend falling in love with someone deemed below his station by the world at large. If anything, the master of Pemberly was more than aware of his station and the social standing that he was required to maintain, something Bingley would not wish on himself for the doubling of accounts that it would bring.

So, it seemed, life was full of surprises, because Darcy was quite possibly more in love with Elizabeth than Bingley was with Jane, even if he was being subtle about it, and apparently had been since the moment they met. Only after much teasing and a preserving interrogation did Fitzwilliam Darcy admit to falling in love with her at first sight, of all places and times, and he only did it with a passion in his eyes that indicated that if Charles Bingley were not his best friend and companion, he would be so inclined to whack him over the head with his walking stick for asking such a question.

But even all of his purported and very real hauteur and intimidating posture and grace could not save poor Mr. Darcy from the necessities of pre-nuptial social business. There were the trips to Longbourn that were not frequent enough, and the various well-wishers (and non-well-wishers) streaming into Netherfield that were all to frequent. He also had to travel to London no less than three times in a month for reasons of finance management and general legal wedding preparations. Bingley, a man of smaller fortune, only had to go once, and entrusted the rest to his accountant that all would be well.

In fact, it had gotten to such an extreme that standing in his room, waiting for the appearance of his waistcoat, Charles Bingley could not think of two or three words he had spoken to Darcy in the past day, despite living under the same roof. Not that he was totally unaccustomed to absences and not that he was helpless without the person who he would never bring himself to call – to his face, anyway – his big brother, but he could think of no better way to idle away the time where they were forced to be away from their respective fiancés by social circumstance than be talking, even if it was idle chatter that would result in Bingley quite knowingly running his mouth off and Darcy patiently rolling his eyes. That at least would be a bit relaxing in its own way – a return to normalcy in a sense.

No, there would be no return to normalcy. In three days, they would no longer be eligible bachelors who were the talk of every ball. His beloved sister would no longer be patting her eyelashes at his best friend (or at least, Bingley _hoped_ she wouldn't) and he would not be returning the favor with dismissive witticisms. All right, Bingley admitted he was a bit oblivious at times, but he was not dim-witted, even if he had missed Darcy's obsession with Elizabeth Bennett. But then again, _everyone_ had missed that, probably including Darcy himself. Darcy was jubilant when writing to his sister of the arrangement, and he took great pains to make his face even more unreadable than usual when he gave the grave news to Caroline Bingley. It was a masterpiece of performance, and went well with Charles' considerable relief that he didn't have to do it himself.

All cousins, sisters, distant relatives, attendants, hired planners, paperwork officials, and local guests made two matters particularly vexing for the normally un-vexible Charles Bingley. First, and most obviously, despite the many trips to Longbourn he could not get nearly enough time with Jane as he would have liked, but he was assured that he had the rest of his life to make up for it. The second matter was more pressing, if less emotionally-invested – he needed Darcy, alone.

It took him several weeks to admit it even to himself that he had questions that were better answered before the wedding, and that Darcy was the best person to answer them. He was lacking a father – though that would have been an awkward situation anyway – and Mr. Hurst was, he decided with all of his good manners and intentions, the last person he wanted to ask.

That left his friend, confidante, and ever-more-experienced at everything brother-figure, who if he could just get alone long enough to properly work up the courage to ask the appropriate questions, then all would be well. Darcy wouldn't answer, of course. He would look indignant and find some reason to stomp off, or find no reason at all and just do it. Or maybe, maybe, he would actually have some advice that could be pried out with excessive trying.

And Bingley was quite ready to try.

Now there was the apparently irremovable obstacle of getting some time along with Darcy. The halls of Netherfield were out of the question. Even if he could shoo away the servants, he would have enough trouble with Caroline and Louisa walking in and out like they owned the place. Maybe he should have put his foot down earlier, but they were his older sisters, and felt a particularly amount of respect for their wishes. "Retirement with the gentlemen" on premises would involve Mr. Hurst, and that was right out.

Longbourn was also not the answer. Aside from the obvious notion that their fiancés and future in-laws were around, even the after-dinner brandy and conversation could not be without Mr. Bennett, a man he was most eager to leave only the finest impression with.

That Bingley was a various outdoorsman and willing to admit it at the slightest temptation was about his only reasonable means of expediting the process. So was Darcy, though as with everything else, he kept silent about his own personal habits. The master of Pemberley wouldn't even admit to owning dogs, or knowing their names, or personally caring for them, before Bingley caught him red-handed actually playing with one on the grounds, when he was quite sure no one was around. When a man wouldn't be seen even playing with his animals, he was the very measure of privacy – which was precisely why Bingley knew he needed to talk to him about his concerns.

After much debating about timing and fretting about the situation, he eventually decided that the best approach was a direct one, and conspired to find Darcy when he was alone, even if it meant tromping into his dressing chamber. Fortunately it did not come to that. Darcy had been breakfasting earlier than normal, either because he had business or because he had a great desire to avoid the leisurely feast with Bingley and Caroline, as a normally awkward situation was made even more awkward by her obvious shock and disapproval, made obvious despite many layers of proposed civility. In fact, when Bingley inquired, Darcy barely sat down at all, merely pacing the chambers with a cup of coffee and glancing at the paper to see if had anything particularly scandalous about him that _day_.

"Darcy," Bingley said, announcing himself to his friend, who had discarded the local paper and was staring out the window with his morning liquid refreshment. "I hear it is to be a more pleasant day for the weather."

"Yes," was all Darcy answered, perhaps a bit surprised to see him so early and so eager, but offering none of that with his usual neutral expression.

"Perhaps we might go for a walk. Not to Longbourn, necessarily. I just cannot let Netherfield's fine woods be neglected any longer."

Whether Darcy believed him or not, he gave no indication. "If it is your wish."

So it was that easy. Because of the hour, they managed to escape almost everyone who could not be shooed away with a gesture. The morning sun was not at full force yet, with the mists still shrouding the estate in an eclectic sort of charm.

"So," Darcy said when they were well out of sight of the grand halls of Netherfield. He did not continue.

"Is the quiet not very pleasant -,"

"Out with it," Darcy said, not entirely harshly – for _Darcy_ anyway. He had a whole spectrum of impatience, one that could only be discerned with careful research, and Bingley judged himself rather low on the scale – so far. "I know full well we are not making a surprise visit to Longbourn, unless you are quite mistaken as to the proper direction, and I believe you are not. And as much as I appreciate the opportunity for peace that you have afforded me in your offer, that does not mean I intend to dally the day away while you decide whether to ask me whatever you intend to ask me."

"You know me too well. I fear I am quite readable."

Darcy gave an odd sort of smile. "I would not do you the dishonor of admitting it." That he just did went unspoken between the two of them.

Now they had come to it, the moment he dreaded. "We are to marry in nearly two days – "

"It has not escaped my notice, I assure you."

" – and I find myself in need of some ... advice."

If Darcy were a tad less clever, Bingley supposed he would have asked him if he was worried about doing the right thing by marrying Jane Bennett – but Bingley knew that Darcy knew that he had no such concerns. He was quite madly in love with her, and had been for almost a year now. It was not a question for an intelligent person to raise, and he considered Darcy to be quite possibly the most intelligent person he had the pleasure of knowing.

Instead, Darcy look a moment to almost possibly ponder all of the meanings Bingley could be implying. Financial? Surely not, as that would not require such great fortifications of privacy. Merely nervousness? That was only to be expected.

Bingley was quite sure that Darcy had arrived upon the answer himself because a look of pure horror washed over his face.

"It is not what you think. I am quite aware – "

"One would hope," Darcy said. "No, no, I would never suppose you to be _that_ naïve."

"Then you see it's not a matter of technical ... knowledge. I just -," and he did not even begin to curse himself for stuttering like a fool, because if there was ever a time when this behavior was excusable, it was now. "I-I just want to be ... what I'm saying is – "

But Darcy didn't finish his sentence for him. _Damn it,_ he was so good at that, why couldn't he be so kind now? He merely replied with utmost calmness, "You are destroying your hat."

Because he was. Bingley was playing with his removed hat, shoving it around in his hands and wringing it out like it was a washrag. He had destroyed any number of hats this way, so it came as no great surprise. Fortunately he had been wise enough to put the one purchased for the wedding away until the appropriate time. "I am perhaps my haberdasher's favorite client," Bingley said, mainly to relieve the tension that only he seemed to feel. Darcy was an impenetrable wall. It made him very patient, but unhelpful. "Please don't torment me. You know what I mean."

"And you assume that I am somehow more experienced in this area."

"You are more experienced in most areas," Bingley freely admitted. "In fact, I cannot think of a single area where you have not bested me."

"Except in proposing marriage."

A rare admission for Darcy. Bingley was too busy to be stunned. "Only with your incessant prodding was I successful. But no matter, it is in the past. My point – "

"Yes, your point."

"My point is -," but he didn't want to say his point, and Darcy was going to torture him by making him say it out loud, even though he knew full well what they were talking about! The bastard! "I want – I want my wife to be very ... happy."

"Satisfied."

"Yes!" he said, then judged it to be too enthusiastic a response. He felt like smacking himself.

Darcy huffed a bit before answering. "Surely there are enough married men in England that you can find one to help illuminate the subject – "

"Darcy, please, don't make me beg you to resort to Mr. Hurst. Find some kindness in your heart. You may keep it hidden, but I know you have it." Bingley pleaded, "Do you want me to get on my knees? Because I will."

"I am merely affronted that you assume that I am some kind of expert on the subject," Darcy said, even though he didn't sound all _that_ affronted. "Surely you do not categorize me with Wickham in this respect."

"No, no, of course not! You have always been very discreet – or I assume, I assume, you've been very discreet." Now he didn't want to hit himself – he wanted to kick his own teeth in. He wondered if that was possible. "I'm assuming."

Darcy raised an eyebrow. "You are assuming quite a lot."

"Don't torture me, man! I remember Juliana quite well."

"Juliana?" There was, best as Bingley could tell, no look of recognition on Darcy's face.

"Juliana. Good god man, you don't even remember her name?" Now it was Bingley's turn to laugh. He was being daring now, treading the line of inciting Darcy's anger, but it was worth it, if it helped him make any progress.

"Juliana," Darcy repeated, obviously trying to dredge up old memories. "Cambridge?"

"The faculty soirée."

"Where we met. Not very formally, as I recall," Darcy said. "I'm afraid my impressions of the evening are – well, they're a bit lost over time. I may never have learned her name."

"Oh, you knew her name." Bingley would chastise himself for this later, but at the moment, it was good to gloat and ruffle Darcy's unrufflable feathers. "You were moaning it the whole way back to your dorm."

Darcy's mouth was agape. It was such a sight, Bingley had never seen it. "How do you know?"

"Because I carried you back. You could hardly stand." Bingley reveled – this was an expected delight, plus it further put off his uncomfortable and very technical questions. "But apparently you don't remember much of that, either. Do you wish me to enlighten you?"

"No," Darcy said, returning to his cold voice. "No, what I have of my memories is quite all right, thank you very much. If I have need of your services in the future, I will let you know. But back to the matter at hand – "

"Yes, the matter at hand." He did not relish in returning to it, but it _was_ why they were out here in the morning chill, with their clothes quite damp from the morning dew.

"Despite whatever you may have heard or seen, I will make no claims to be consummate at the arts of feminine wiles," Darcy said, as stoutly as he was capable of – which was not particularly stoutly at the moment.

"But you know _something_. You are – a man of the world."

"Yes." Darcy seemed annoyed at admitting it, but that was not unexpected. "Hm. I now am curious to how I unduly embarrassed myself at my alma mater."

"It was hardly the talk of the town, but it was amusing to some," Bingley said. "Having not drunk nearly as much as you, I think I may actually be a better judge of the events in this regard."

"Then I must make a deal with you. Actually, I am not required to do so, but in the interest of friendship and the success of your marriage, I will offer this to you," Darcy said. "We share our account of that certain ... evening ... and I will tell you the little that I could claim to know of the mysteries of the female disposition."

"I find those terms very agreeable," Bingley said, and offered his hand.

To his great relief, they shook on it.

To be continued.


	2. The Party

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

* * *

Chapter 2 – The Party 

Fitzwilliam Darcy decided to approach the night with a considerable level of caution. Accustomed to doing this as he was, he still spent his afternoon over-preparing and driving his good manservant crazy. He liked to think his voice was calm, and betrayed nothing of his apprehension, but he looked at his pocket watch and realized he had spent more time on selecting a wardrobe for the evening than he had on any day since the Christmas Ball at Pemberley.

There was something to be said for collegial robes. He was in the unfortunate station in life where what he normally wore was very important and yet he cared nothing for it, and had he anything to say on the matter, would go around with the same frock-coat every day. But the future master of Pemberley was expected to not only be presentable but be fashionable, something that in his opinion was a waste of his good time. The saving grace of his position and wealth was that it provided him with practically a retinue of people who made it their business to have indispensable advice on the matter.

College was a break from that to some extent, and he supposed he would have enjoyed it more if it didn't come with its own share of difficulties. He did not find the work particularly challenging, and rather enjoyed having a reason to immerse himself in literature for hours on end, but he was not headed for academia as a career. That would practically require him taking holy orders to dispense with his responsibilities at Pemberley, something he had no wish to do. On this, at least, he agreed with George Wickham.

Young Master Darcy went to Cambridge because it was what the landed gentry did, when they reached the age, and because despite Oxford's longer history, he was a legacy as far back as the Darcys had been in England. He found some pleasure in it, and probably would have found more if he was not practically struck down by homesickness as one was with a fever. Wickham being tossed from the university upon his second term was an ease to Darcy's senses, and a year in he was more happily settled, especially after his father's gifts of two Irish wolfhounds to keep him company. Perhaps the elder Darcy sensed his somewhat antisocial son was lacking in the area of friends. It was not to say that he was ill at ease among other men, but he was not the gregarious character that his father had apparently been.

Most of his socialization came not from classes, where he was far more studious and serious than most of his classmates mainly out of a sense of duty, but from the fencing club. Even at the illustrious Cambridge, his social standing had some influence and he was able to maneuver his way into the very exclusive fencing halls quite quickly for an underclassmen. (He liked to think that some actual talent might have had something to do with it, but it was not something he would admit) That he was sparing with the future heads of England was less of a concern to him; he merely enjoyed the sport, which reminded him a great deal of home and even exceeded it in the availability of trainers.

It was then unavoidable that he would go totally unnoticed, and begin to be drawn in to the social circles that surrounded the fencers. The best and brightest jocks – to put it plainly – of England were his companions, and they were not adverse to the attention it brought them, even if he was. Eventually, the invitations began to stack up to the point of becoming unavoidable.

Such was the case with the "faculty soirée" as it was called. It well known that it had little to do with the faculty beyond some supporting members, but the presence of authority made it appropriate for the intrusion of the fairer sex, whereas he could very much spend his time on campus during the day without looking upon a woman.

Not that he didn't want to. It was more a matter of propriety. It would not be totally unknown to have a young mistress to dress his arm, or even a marriage prospect, but he expected more from himself in this area. His indiscretions, then, were as discreet as was possible, and Cambridge the town was not without its willing populace of young women to service the one need even he could not totally control. He thought at first college would be a several year experience in monasticism, but there were some things even the young Master Darcy could not stand.

Fortunately, Cambridge was full of ways to be discreet.

But tonight it was the farthest thing from his mind. Well, not the farthest, but he was reoccupied with this social invitation that he could not avoid, thanks to the overwhelming generosity of his fencing master in personally handing it to him. There would be people there he didn't know, and he would have no idea what to say to them beyond the banal pleasantries required of conversation. He did not follow local politics, he was not one to engage in speculation about women, and he could only hope that, being at the illustrious Cambridge, he would at least not be the most eligible bachelor in the room.

To his relief upon entering the foyer, he was not. There were several titled gentlemen in the room, some of whom were his sparring partners and some of whom with which he was not acquainted formally. He was assaulted instead by his captain, who was apparently quite surprised that Fitzwilliam Darcy would finally put in appearance at such an event. "Darcy, Darcy, you must sample the punch!"

Indeed, he must. He decided that it was the best course of action, as being engaged in the act of drinking was the easiest way to avoid having to say something, and he very much wanted to avoid having to say something, as Wentworth took him by the arm and introduced him to every young lady in the room. From the way they looked at him, it seemed they could be distracted from the future lords of Britain long enough to evaluate some wealthy gentlemen from the north. Darcy was well aware that his well-toned physique, tremendous height, and brash attitude would do nothing to dissuade them. After the eighth introduction, he was very willing to give half of Derbyshire to be the ugliest man in the room.

Perhaps noticing her nervousness, the duteous servants kept his glass full, and he found it convenient for two reasons. First, it prevented him from shaking hands if he held it in the right one, and second, it gave him something to do with his mouth. Whatever it was – not always just punch – he swallowed it and found a third reason to like this situation very much. He was not entirely unfamiliar with intoxication, but certainly not on the level of his colleagues, as he considered it ungentlemanly and below his station, even if he had occasion at college to witness men far above him in standing quite in the cups. So, he decided not to consider himself intoxicated. He just felt less uneasy after the fourth or fifth glass, and anything that made him less uneasy was a great comfort.

"And this is my second, Mr. Darcy." Wentworth put a hand on his shoulder and the rocking motion made Darcy a little dizzy. He had no idea as to who he was being introduced to – he had missed that part of the conversation entirely – but it was a man at least. Just because he was not at his full senses did not mean Darcy was inclined to throw himself at every flirtatious female in the room. He was much more comfortable with this man, with sort of wild reddish-brown hair and a pale composure but a very pleasing smile on his face.

"Of course," said the man, more of a boy, really. Must be a first-year. They shook. "Pleasure to meet you."

"You, as well," Darcy said, and hoped there would be no exam as to who this man was or what he was doing here. He was not a fencer, so Darcy did not recognize him at all.

"I will tell you a secret, Mr. Bingley," said Wentworth. "Our team this year would have suffered a most ignoble defeat to Oxford had it not been for Darcy here. As captain, of course, I'm not supposed to admit it was that close, but he quite literally saved the day by defeating their top man by a point – and the future earl of Gloucester, too!"

Darcy smiled vaguely at the memory. He was not the type to bask in his victories, but he felt like smiling. Odd, because he almost never felt like smiling. "You are exaggerating my abilities to this man, good sir."

"Hardly a smudge on the old honor of Pemberley," said Wentworth. "If you'll excuse me, Darcy, I have a mission of utmost importance."

"Do you need a second?" Darcy said jokingly, knowing Wentworth did not, as he had his eye on a fine brunette who was a bit overdressed in a ball gown. Wait, had he just made a _joke_? What was _wrong _with him?

That he left him alone with the underclassmen – Bingley, right? He didn't want to gape and ask, so he took one of the available chairs beside him. Even though a considerable fuzz, he could see that this young man was quite nervous and out-of-sorts, for entirely different reasons than he was. Darcy didn't like social soirées; Bingley just seemed to think he was out of place. There was the possibility that he actually was, but it was not a topic to breach. At the moment, in fact, Darcy was quite content just to be sitting down.

"So you are Mr. Darcy of Pemberley?"

"And Derbyshire and all that, yes," he said, before realizing he had answered the question as if he was mocking the way he was normally formally announced to people beneath him. Bingley, for whatever reason, saw some humor in this. "And you?" _Oh please, say your name again_.

"Just Charles Bingley, I'm afraid. I suppose I'll have to wait until after my degree to purchase land and become 'of' something, unless you wish to include a townhouse in London."

"A named townhouse in London is of stature," he assured him, though he really had no idea why. He could not account for his actions at all this evening. His next question was completely inappropriate. "Trade?"

"Yes. Shipping, mainly wool. My father's business, obviously." But the point was, he was of wealth, even if its means were not as established as just inheriting centuries of wealth probably hoarded from wars with France. Darcy was vaguely aware of the D'Arcys of Normandy and suspected, upon perusal of the old histories of wars between the two countries for his class work, that at least some of his wealth had nothing to do with Derbyshire and everything to do with some looting during a prolonged war – after all, was that not how great fortunes were made? In a few generations, the Bingleys might have a great landed estate and be socially beside the Darcys.

"Perhaps you're right," said Bingley, and to his horror, Darcy realized he must have said some, if not all, of his musing _out loud_.

"You will excuse me," he said quickly, and stood up just as quickly. This was clearly a mistake. He did not even notice Bingley steady him with his own arm before it happened, yet another indignity. The Darcy name would not survive this night if he wasn't careful.

The room had stopped spinning long enough for him to get his bearings again when he was practically assaulted by the brunette Wentworth had been talking to. They had been introduced earlier, though for the life of him he couldn't recall her name, but now that he had a moment (or _needed_ a moment – to steady himself) he found her to be quite something for Wentworth to be chasing after. She quite nearly embraced him. "Mr. Darcy, Mr. Wentworth has told me all about your brave victory over those ruffians at Oxford. I must know more from the man himself."

"I assure you – he was exaggerating," he said, but he was smiling when he said it.

* * *

"And that's really all you can remember?" 

Fitzwilliam Darcy, now six and twenty and standing on the dirt road that led away from the notable estate of Netherfield, home to his best friend and soon-to-be brother, could only shrug. "You have cornered me. It is so. Now tell me how I truly embarrassed myself?"

"I would not say you did that," Bingley was quick to defend. "Certainly, not at the party, or there would have been some mention of it that would have gotten back to you, am I correct?"

"I suppose you are," Darcy said, thinking it over. Bingley was right. Best he could recall, there was no gossip when he was back in the changing room the next day, and no knowing winks from his captain. Surely if there was some assault on the Darcy honor, he would remember it distinctly. At the moment, all he remembered was a pounding headache. "That is some small comfort. Now, as your part of the bargain, you must finish the tale."

Bingley, who rarely had a one-up on anything with Darcy, was apparently much obliged.

* * *

Charles Bingley came to Cambridge with a considerable amount of apprehension. His father was kind to him, but he knew he was expected to do well, being the first in what would hopefully be a line of sons with diplomas. While he was hardly the most hard-up student at the university, he was untitled and his soon-to-be inherited fortune was in the abominable area of trade. His father earned a living, not had one. He was so good at working, in fact, that his son would not have to, and neither would his daughters, provided they married well. His first sister was engaged, in fact, to some man named Mr. Hurst, but Bingley knew very little about him, consumed as he was with his studies. Academics were not a major difficulty for him, but they were not exactly his first love. 

What he did have going for him was his personality. He decided quite early that he liked his classmates and his tutors, and just about everyone else he met, as was his habit. There was no use (or time, with all of the work!) in seeing bad in anyone in his opinion, unless he was in some kind of investigation, and Charles Bingley did not desire to be an a barrister. He was quite content with where his life was taking him as it was, and saw no reason to alter course.

Where he suffered in lack of atmosphere, used to being out of doors as he was, he did not in the area of social interaction. There were plenty of people to meet at Cambridge, and women to be found when he hesitantly ventured beyond the vaulted doors of Cambridge. He was not at a loss for acquaintances; acquaintances that his father constantly reminded him would hopefully one day be helpful friends and contacts. To Charles Bingley Senior, Cambridge was to be the foundation of his son's social standing, if he would only make friends with the higher ups of Britain, which he knew his son would not fail to do.

If making friends was his duty, Charles Bingley Junior did it exceedingly well. He was not half a term into his program before he was busy running from gathering to gathering. Even he was surprised somewhat when he was invited to the infamous faculty soirée, as it was mainly for people of high esteem in some fashionable extracurricular, and that did not include Bingley. He did like hunting quite a lot, but sadly, that was not offered as a regular club and would have had no place in a college town to operate. That he was of some acquaintance with the fencing team captain was probably the explanation for the practically-gilded invitation. His only nervousness about the event was his desire to make a good impression, but on this, he could at least feel some confidence.

He showed up what he deemed was fashionably on time – not too early – and Wentworth briefly showed him around, then left him on his own. There were quite a number of ladies who piqued his interest, but he reminded himself that he was a college man, and he was actually alarmed by their forwardness. He was a socialite, but admittedly inexperienced in certain ... areas. Some insecurities would not be overcome in just one night.

After several hours of standing without dancing, he found himself retiring on one of the few chairs available for a brief respite when Wentworth reappeared with a fellow fencer on his arm, a dark-haired man with a look of discomfort on his face, marred only slightly by a mild drunkenness. Perhaps because of his own state, Wentworth was more than obviously oblivious to this, but Bingley could read him quite well. "Charles Bingley, I'd like you to meet a good friend of mine, if you'd do me the honor."

"Yes, yes. I would – "

Wentworth patted Darcy on the shoulder, causing him to wobble. "And this is my second, Mr. Darcy."

"Of course," Bingley said, and shook Darcy's hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

"You, as well," said the man, his voice a little slurred, but not easily noticeably so.

Wentworth went on to sing the praises of his fellow fencer, though this Darcy fellow seemed quite oblivious, even a little annoyed at his captain. Bingley was quite sure he saw a roll of the eyes, though he picked up a mention of Pemberley. Was that not that great estate in Derbyshire? Well, in this crowd, it was hardly unexpected that he would find many men far above his own station. Derbyshire ... he had a great desire to see it, but he did not want to quite bother this new person, who seemed ill at ease with himself in the room.

It was not long before the ever-busy Wentworth was chasing after some lady, and Bingley found the man known as Mr. Darcy sitting beside him, apparently enjoying the break far more than he was. He almost wanted to leave him alone entirely, but he was curious, and eventually he could not hold his tongue.

"So you are Mr. Darcy of Pemberley."

Darcy took another sip from his glass and answered, "And Derbyshire and all that, yes." The way he answered it, he had clearly answered the question to many admirers – and undoubtedly, scouting women – and seemed truly annoyed with his own station. This gave Bingley cause for a very inappropriate chuckle, one which he was sure would quickly dissolve this acquaintance. A shame, really, because he looked like a lost puppy in this crowd.

Mr. Darcy made an enquiry as to who Bingley was associated with, as if he had missed it the first time, which he probably had, but Bingley was not about to slight him for it. In fact, he even let it slip that he was in trade, to which Darcy seemed not at all put off, and had no fear in saying this in a very slurred monologue. When Bingley responded, he quickly excused himself, as if embarrassed by his own outburst. Here was a man of wealth and stature who was not as comfortable at parties as Bingley was, and looked half-terrified when he ran into the brunette that Wentworth had been chasing. Not to come between a man in a woman, Bingley turned his attentions elsewhere. He did not even notice Darcy's disappearance until some time later, when it occurred to him in passing. Well, no matter, it was a party and people were coming and going.

As the evening progressed, Bingley felt less inclined to stay, because it seemed that the longer he did, the more cups of punch and wine he had to refuse, and he felt very guilty refusing anything. When he was quite sure he was thoroughly introduced to everyone in the room, he bowed and made his exit.

His dormitory was relatively close by, the party being in the same college, and he had only a brisk walk home. Not at all inebriated, he felt quite confident that he had weathered the evening with considerable success, and was in the midst of congratulating himself when he stepped into the common room and was greeted by the rush of a ball gown. It turned out to be a woman, a very familiar woman he did not quite recall the name of, having been introduced to her only briefly. She bumped into him, nearly knocking him from his feet before unapologetically disappearing out the door with all haste.

Bingley barely had time to recover when he had to face the angry dorm master, who merely looked at Bingley with surprise, perhaps at his sudden appearance. "I suppose I should just let the harlot go," he said with a sigh. "Do you know her, Master Bingley?"

He correctly answered, "No."

"Good. Now if you excuse me, there's the matter of the student in Master Stuart's room – "

"What matter?" he asked out of curiosity.

For whatever reason, perhaps because they were on exceedingly good terms, as Bingley was as well-behaved a gown as anyone could imagine, he said in passing, "A previous occupant seems to have given the lady a key to the common room, and she took liberties to bring her ... gentlemen here. You will help me drag him out?"

"Of course," he said, because the dorm master was old and because, frankly, he was interested in a way that was totally inappropriate. Of course this woman was not a loose person and she did not abscond with keys and impressionable University students. This was clearly a minor misunderstanding.

Following the dorm master, he was quite surprised to find Mr. Darcy in Mr. Stuart's room. He wasn't on the bed precisely – he was sitting on the floor next to the bed, his coat removed, his clothing very much askew, and muttering incoherently in a very drunken manner with a bottle in his hands.

"I will take him," Bingley immediately offered. "If he can stand."

"Do you know him?"

"No, but please, you must have other things to attend to," he said. Unaccustomed as he was to lying, it was certainly necessary. He helped Darcy to his feet. The man could walk, but not on his own. "Mr. Darcy – "

"Juliana – " Darcy said, and reached for his flask, which Bingley took from him and pocketed in his own waistcoat.

"Where do you live?"

"King's College. Where did she – "

"Gone, and you're the better for it. Let's go," he said, and without explaining himself further, he put one of Darcy's arms over his shoulders and helped him leave the dormitory just as quickly as the woman in question. Because of the lateness of the hour, they were able to make a relatively peaceful journey to King's College, but Bingley felt compelled to not leave poor Mr. Darcy with the doorman. "Your dormitory location."

"Juliana – ugh – Pemberley. I live in Pemberley."

"Yes, yes, I know. But in the dorms."

"The dogs. Where are my dogs? Why can't they find me? They know my scent. They're hounds."

"Will you _please_ point me in the right direction?"

Darcy gestured, and they eventually made it back to his sizeable quarters, which were empty, his manservant apparently dismissed for the evening. Bingley was greeted by two massive wolfhounds that nearly toppled them both. Bingley barely succeeded in getting Darcy past them and to his bed, as it seemed the most logical place to put a man who could barely stand. Or, what he assumed was Darcy's bed. But Darcy would not lay down, despite his inebriation. He sat on the bed, his frazzled hair a mess, and blinked several times. Bingley wasn't entirely sure if he comprehended where he was or who Bingley was, but he didn't toss him out.

"I think – I think I have made a fool of myself," Darcy mumbled. "No, no! The Darcy honor, man! The Darcy honor!"

"I imagine it will survive, as nothing untoward occurred at the party itself," Bingley said, meaning it to be a comfort, because he very much wished to take his leave and did not want to deal with a sobbing man.

"I am lost," Darcy mumbled, and keeled over. Bingley made a brief inspection to see if there was any more spirits about, and finding there was not, he thought it best to take his leave.

"Good night, Mr. Darcy." He bowed stiffly.

"By G-d, good night indeed!" said Darcy, and Bingley exited.

When he saw Darcy again, a week had passed, and it took him a moment to realize it was the same man. In full gown, with a glowering look of propriety and a stiff back, he was the very model of an ideal young man of wealth, and Bingley decided to treat him as such. He would not have engaged him at all had Darcy not done it himself, when they saw each other walking across the quad.

"Mr. Bingley," Darcy said, and bowed briefly to him. Bingley merely tried to hide his surprise that he remembered his name. If he remembered anything else, he gave no indication, and Bingley wasn't about to enlighten him. "I believe we met at the faculty soirée."

"We did. Mr. Darcy," he said, and bowed.

"Mr. Wentworth has told me much about you."

"All good things, I hope."

"Of course. Would you care to join me for lunch?"

Bingley decided that he would.

* * *

Not enough time had passed in six years for Mr. Darcy to fully recover her demeanor, possibly because this was the first he heard of the subject, because at various points in the narrative his face had gone bright red. 

"It seems ... I am in your debt," he finally stammered.

"It has been many times repaid. After all, you were the one who pushed me back to Netherfield –"

" – only after I had taken you from it – "

"Let us call it even. Except, of course, in the manner of which I first enquired."

"Yes, yes." Darcy was still visibly recovering, but he was recovering quickly, as he always did. "It is a very sensitive topic – " He paused, looking down the road. "And it seems I am saved."

"How - ," but then Bingley saw no one coming down the road but the dreaded Mr. Collins – dreaded by his fiancé, at least. While he could usually not bear to think ill of anyone, at this moment, he was quite ready to pound Mr. Collins soundly with his walking stick merely for his sudden appearance.

"Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley," the clerk said, bowing deeper than was necessary to them both. "I was looking for you as though I might inquire if I may preside over the wedding? I know it is rather late, but I was withheld by Lady Catherine for some time – "

Darcy explained very patiently and politely that they had already a man in mind, but thank you very much for his time, and should they perhaps return to Netherfield or Longbourn? For poor Mr. Collins looked positively exhausted.

"You _will _answer my inquiries," Bingley whispered to Darcy as they headed back.

"Yes, yes, of course," Darcy said with a smile, having avoided his duty for a further time.

To be continued.


	3. The Walk

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

**Author's Note:** As I am having an operation today, the next chapter may be delayed up to a week. Normally I try and update fairly regularly (I'm no fan of cliffhangers myself), but this will be the exception to the rule. It gives me great pleasure as a writer to know that people are reading my work, so please keep reading, and I am always grateful for comments.

* * *

Chapter 3 – The Walk

Elizabeth Bennet, soon to be Elizabeth Darcy – a notion she could hardly believe herself – was becoming just a bit frustrated at her apparently inability to see the man she had promised herself to for the rest of her life. She did see him formally, almost every night at Longbourn or Netherfield for a meal, but she had realized long ago that Darcy loathed public displays of his affection and she was quite resigned to it, as he seemed to make up for it quite readily in the little privacy they managed on long walks during their engagement. Still waters did run deep, so deep that both of his passionate proposals came to her as a complete surprise, and yet could not have been delivered with more honestly and emotion, even if he had bungled it the first time with his own pride. While Jane and Mr. Bingley – no offense to them meant, of course – seemed quite content to lovingly gaze into each other's eyes, she knew Darcy's true intentions would only be revealed when they were alone, and so she was all the more want to have some time with him before they were married. Not that she at all doubted that he loved her, or that she loved him perhaps equally in return, but a woman could not help but be curious about her obsessively secretive betrothed.

Georgiana's appearance did something to calm her fears, if fears they could be called. The lovely Miss Darcy arrived at Netherfield for the wedding a few days before, and was more than happy to spend as much time as possible with her future sister and sister-in-law. Being a woman, of course, she had much more access to the Bennet sisters and their end of the wedding preparations than the person actually getting married. Completely without bidding she was her brother's best advocate, and her happiness at his happiness – and the obvious total innocence of her character – was a great testament to the private Mr. Darcy. She was not a sister singing praises to propose a match, but an affectionate sibling who saw no reason not to express it. Elizabeth felt she was more like Jane in personality, trusting and loving, and would make a terrific companion at Pemberley, for Elizabeth was already feeling the loss of no longer sharing a room with her beloved older sister, as she had all her life. If one knew nothing of Mr. Darcy but through Georgiana's mouth, he was a candidate for sainthood.

This diminished her worries but did not satisfy Elizabeth's longing for time with Darcy, something she expressed to her sister, and Jane quickly admitted the same for her own beau, but there was nothing to be done. They were busy with dresses and flowers and preparations and the men were busy with finances and their own costumes and greeting the many people coming in for the double ceremony. In fact, Elizabeth wondered at the duration of the honeymoon, and if they would not both spend it sleeping away to recover from the exhaustive process.

But this was apparently not to be, or so they were about to be informed. The dresses had come in from London, and Elizabeth and the maid were checking the final fittings on Jane's lovely dress when Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Gardiner burst in the room. More specifically, Mrs. Bennet burst in and her sister followed her in a calming manner.

"Jane, Lizzy," her mother said with a certain gravity. "It is time."

Jane looked at her with a look of confused horror. Elizabeth decided to just be cautiously intrigued.

"Come, let us sit," Mrs. Bennet said, gesturing to the bed. "Careful with your dress, Jane. You look so beautiful in it."

"Indeed," said Mrs. Gardiner, who sat down in the rocking chair.

They took their seats very properly, quite unclear of the situation. Surely if there were some bad news, it would have already been said at this point, and at a much louder volume?

"Oh my dear daughters," Mrs. Bennet said with her usual degree of melodrama, unintentional though it was, "you are so soon to be married."

"Yes, we are quite aware," Elizabeth said, deciding not to hold herself back, even if it elicited a look from Jane.

"There is so much to tell you – about being married. And so little time. Oh, because of my nerves, I have put it off! I am quite an unsuitable mother!"

When they had no reaction to this, the more mellow Mrs. Gardiner decided to pick up the slack. "What we mean to say is, dearest nieces, if you are to be adequately prepared to be wives, that which has been guarded from your maiden ears must no longer remain so."

"Yes, yes!" Mrs. Bennet said. "Lest you be taken totally unawares! That would be most unsatisfying to your husbands indeed!"

Elizabeth realized her meaning first, but that didn't make her feel one bit better about it.

* * *

The carriage from Netherfield arrived earlier than dinner was ready, so a particularly frazzled couple decided to take a stroll. Darcy could account for his own continence – it was becoming harder and harder to avoid Bingley entirely – but he could not understand what perturbed Elizabeth. At the very sight of them, Jane looked ready to bolt, her sister less so. The walk would do them good. The walk always calmed her.

"My dearest Elizabeth ..." he said finally, when they were far out of view of the house and he assumed, away from whatever was stressing her, because he couldn't imagine something he had done. Today, anyway. "I must inquire – "

"I am perfectly fine, thank you very much."

She said it so quickly and insistently, it was obviously a lie. Darcy just looked away and muttered, "Of course."

"You are also not in the most pleasing of moods."

"Have you ever known me to be so?"

So, he had caught her. She had that look on her face, like she was developing a witticism with which to smite him, but having a bit of trouble doing so. "If you tell me why you are distressed, I will tell you the same. For should we not exchange everything? Though honestly, we have only two days – "

"No, you are perturbed, and I will not stand for it," he said, thrusting his walking stick into the ground in an indignant manner that he knew she would find amusing. "You will tell me what has made you so upset that you can hardly stand the sight of me, as I can think of no untoward behavior on my part ... at least, not in the last few months. But perhaps I am mistaken, and I could not stand to be mistaken."

Again, she was looking for something to say. "It is not what you did ... or will do ... It is a womanly matter."

"Oh," he said simply. It took him a moment to decide he didn't entirely believe her. That wouldn't give her reason to be nervous around _him_.

"And you?"

"And me?"

"Yes, you. What has put you in such an ill mood? Though admittedly, not the most dour of moods I have ever seen you in."

"I perhaps shall take that as a compliment for sake of argument." The he realized he still had to answer the question. "It is a gentlemanly manner."

"How clever an answer."

"It is the truth."

"Hmm," Elizabeth said, looking off into the distance as they walked. "So we have learned nothing, because certainly I knew before this point that men and women kept things privy from each other. Though, I had hoped, not husbands and wives."

"When you are my wife, I will be happy to enlighten you. Before that, I do not think it would be proper, especially in the case of another man's privacy."

"So Bingley is involved?"

He stopped and shuddered. "I will admit that I sometimes wish I was betrothed to a less intelligent woman. Now, I cannot speak more on the subject!"

"If he is going to mistreat my sister – "

"He is not going to mistreat your sister. He has only the finest intentions. That is precisely the prob – " but he stopped himself, even if it was too late. "Perhaps we should turn before I further embarrass myself and Mr. Bingley's confidence."

"Hardly! After such an admission, I am now obligated to admit my own personal shame," she said, taking his hand for the first time that day. "Though it is highly improper. I may burn your gentlemanly ears and you may no longer wish such a wife."

"There is nothing I can think of that make me wish you not to be my wife," he said, and looked at her. Elizabeth was too innocent to actually have done something ... untoward. Of that, he was positively sure.

She seemed convinced enough to continue, "Today Jane and I had a most unpleasant conversation with our mother about ... being wives."

Darcy's mouth simply made an 'oh' – he didn't have to actually pronounce the word. It took him some time to get the courage up to ask, "And how was it unpleasant?"

"Surely this must wait until we are married."

"On the contrary. If you are uneasy now, let me put the matter to rest. I will not stand to have you upset for any length of time, be it only two days." He shrugged. "Besides, everyone else has made it a hobby of asking me uncomfortable questions at every possible moment, so let at least one of them be my lovely betrothed."

"Mr. Bingley has - ?"

"No more talk of Mr. Bingley, please, for the sake of my – just about everything that could need steadying," he said, trying to smile, but he knew he was mainly just blushing. "This is about you. And your mother."

"And my aunt, who fortunately, provided some kind of balance, though her differing account was mainly ... puzzling." She leaned on his arm. "You know of what I speak. Please don't make me say it."

"As you wish," he said. "Your mother has finally told you about relations and now you are terrified because she has made it seem a horrible experience. No doubt she said something about wifely duties and made it seem like a necessary evil."

"You know my mother uncommonly well, sir."

"Hardly. She is just repeating the same nonsense that your cousin will drone on and on about in church. That it is a duty you must endure with great suffering." He sighed. "Elizabeth, the best thing I can think of to say is that if there was no fun to be had of it at all, the world would not be nearly so populated."

"And you are an expert on this –"

"Well, I wouldn't say 'expert' – " And he had to stop himself again. This time, he was ready to smack his own face just to keep his mouth shut. "Lizzy, you will forgive me –"

"No, no, of course," she said, though she had lost _some _composure. "I could not expect that you, who have been to university and traveled through Europe and are a man of great wealth and standing, have not – "

"You don't have to say it." He put his hand on her shoulder. "Elizabeth, I love you more than I loved any woman I ever met, so much so that it seems I am incapable of keeping secrets from you, even when they would benefit both of us. You make an fool of a very proud man, so it must be love, for love makes fools of us all."

"How clever of you, to quote poetry to placate my fears," she said, but not in spite. She seemed somewhat relieved, in fact, and they were able for the first time in several minutes to move on, though this time they did not separate their hands. Conversation ceased, and there was only their physical selves, their touch, and the surrounding forest.

"How many?"

This brought Darcy back from his dreamy reality. "... What?"

"Surely it was more than one."

"Oh G-d," he said, blaspheming quite openly now in his terror. "It is not about numbers."

"That many?"

"Perhaps you should just be grateful that I am not an inexperienced twit."

"Like Mr. Bingley?"

He glared at her. On everyone else, this worked perfectly. On Elizabeth, it was just a further enticement. _Damn her!_ If not for her perfect eyes ... and wonderful personality ... and loving soul ... and so many things ... damn her! "As I would do anything for you, it is only fair that you would do anything for me. So I beg of you, please, to stop mentioning my good friend in the course of this conversation. _Please_."

She smiled one of her charming smiles that spoke volumes. "Of course, if that is your desire."

"Then the matter is cleared."

"Yes."

"And your fears are waylaid? At least to the extent that I can at this moment in time?"

"Perhaps." she said, now toying with him, indicating a vast improvement in her mood. So she was placated.

"And you will mention nothing of this to Jane?"

"She is my sister! Does she not deserve to be comforted? She is more terrified than I was."

"Then soothe her in some clever way that does not involve mentioning me or Bingley. You certainly have the wits to devise a strategy."

She looked like she was hesitating, but it was probably just to torment him further. "All right."

"I have your promise?"

"You have my promise. I will speak to my sister in the most discreet way possible." She frowned. "Yes, this will require some strategy."

"Speaking of strategy," he said, patting her arm. "I am afraid I must be off to London tomorrow."

"That will leave us – "

"Time will pass just the same whether I am here or not," he said. "And it seems as though are time together is limited these days anyway. But I assure you, this is something that cannot wait. I will be back tomorrow evening, but perhaps not in time for dinner."

"And this mysterious errand will require you out at all hours?"

"I hope not. And don't give me a look, because I will not reveal its nature." He straightened his waistcoat in a mock fashion. "'Tis a gentlemanly manner."

Elizabeth smiled at him. "I see."

To be continued.


	4. The Long Day

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

* * *

Chapter 4 – The Long Day

Surprisingly, the morning without Darcy passed with remarkable expediency. In fact one could venture to say that it was passing _too_ quickly, no offense meant to her beloved Darcy. There were the finally fitting for her dress, and there was the matter of the arrival of her sister Lydia in time for lunch.

Not that it should have been a "matter" at all – for Lydia was not bringing her own husband along, claiming regimental duties he had and glossing over Mr. Bennet's refusal to ever see Wickham on the grounds of Loungborn again. But there was _another _matter to be settled, that of her comforting Jane, and she decided quite quickly that it had to happen before Lydia's arrival, or at least before Lydia found the time to talk to Jane – and knowing Lydia, it would be within moments of her arrival, as men were, in all likelihood, still her favorite topic of conversation. Despite her marital status, if her letters were any indicator, her interest in the latest man to behold did not wane with time.

Elizabeth had little time for pondering, so she did it expediently, staying up half the night with her own thoughts and those of her sister. Darcy had not truly removed all of her hesitations and fears about the ... nature of conjugal union, but he had done an admirable job, and she could not imagine that the infamous Mr. Darcy would ever do anything untoward, even in the privacy of his bedchambers. His standoffish nature did prevent him from outward displays of affection (and, in the beginning, any indication of affection entirely) but she had come to realize that he was mildly uncomfortable in anyone's presence, much less someone he was keenly interested in. Well, he was forgiven. What he lacked in social abilities he obviously made up for in passion, or at least, the ability to express it with his eyes. She found it very hard, despite her mild terror at what she was about to enter, to look at his deep brown eyes and imagine he would ever do anything but make her happy.

These were not words she found so easy to express to Jane. Though she was deeply in love, Jane was still shy to admit her own feelings about the particularities of Mr. Bingley, and Elizabeth did not want to say something that would make her future brother seem lacking by complete accident.

By morning she had decided on an ally in the elaborate scheme Darcy had urged her to concoct. Charlotte Collins was perhaps her only true confidant beyond Jane, and if she was not willing to be part of elaborate but very proprietary charade, she was quite helpless.

"This will be quite hard to explain," Elizabeth said to Charlotte, after the seamstress had disappeared to acquire more ribbon. It did occur to her that standing on a stool, wearing a virginal white wedding gown of considerable note and train, that the conversation was even _more _inappropriate. "But I simply do not want my sister to ... I don't want her to – be terrified."

"And you are not?"

She knew, without looking in the sizable mirror before her, that she was blushing. "Perhaps a little. Mr. Darcy was very reassuring."

Without pausing, Charlotte said, "Lizzy, your forwardness does not in the least surprise me, so there is no reason to be embarrassed. Though I am assuming, he was a perfect gentlemen about the whole manner."

"Yes, of course," she said. "It wouldn't have even come up if – if he hadn't asked why I was so perturbed, if I hadn't acted in such a manner as if I was loathe the sight of him. So it is my fault. But the point is, my concern is chiefly with my sister. I wish to reassure her without telling her the truth of my source of comfort."

"Why ever not? It is the most logical conclusion."

"Because Darcy made me promise."

"Oh yes." As usual, Charlotte understood everything. "He is quite the model of privacy."

"Precisely."

"So ... you need an anonymous source. Quickly."

Elizabeth smiled. "Yes."

"Well, I need hardly be anonymous, Lizzy. I have been married for nearly a year."

"I would not presume –"

"Presume all you wish," Charlotte said, much without regard. "I am but two months with child."

"Charlotte!" And then it occurred to her, she was in a very complicated dress. "Please come to me so that I might hug you with turning myself into a pin cushion. How long have you known?"

"A few weeks. I have told no one but Mr. Collins."

They embraced, to the extent that they could, and Elizabeth could not help but notice that her friend looked truly ebullient. Perhaps she was not so ill-married after all. "Though, I must say in all honestly, I cannot imagine that you told Mr. Collins and yet I have not heard of it from him, and at great length."

"Some things are just between husbands and wives until their wives say otherwise," Charlotte said with a twinkle in her eye. "The whole Rosings crowd will know in good time, but I have put my foot down on the matter and that is that."

"Charlotte, I must congratulate you first on the obvious and second on taming Mr. Collins."

"It was not so hard," Charlotte said with a smile. "My husband is not deficient in _all_ things. I will be a very willing subject to this experiment."

It took Elizabeth a moment to grasp her meaning. "I have to confess, you have put a very nasty thought into my head."

"Lizzy – every married couple has done the same. Your parents, at least five times. _At least_."

She hadn't thought about it – or at least, she'd tried not to think about it, but one could logically conclude ... She had to hold her head. "I think I am going to fit. Oh no, I am turning into my mother!"

"Should I get the smelling salts?"

"Do not mock me! I cannot stand it!" But at that moment, despite her agitated state, the seamstress reappeared and she said quickly in a hushed tone. "So we will speak to Jane, before Lydia arrives."

"Yes."

She was relieved, but she decided she would be more relieved when she got the image of the awful Mr. Collins out of her head.

* * *

Charlotte did what Elizabeth judged, despite her lack of experience on the matter, of reassuring Jane in the best and most completely manner without getting into the specifics of her own relationship, which she seemed very happy about but neither Bennet sister could accept as anything other than odious. The process took some time, and they were very nearly late to lunch.

Lunch at Longbourn was even more crowded and noisy affair as usual, as they were joined by the Gardiners, the Collins, and Lydia Wickham, and there was certainly much to be discussed. Lydia embraced both of her sisters most enthusiastically, but the conversation kept going, for all the preparations that still had to be made in the next day. At the head of the table, Mr. Bennet created attempted to create a fortification with the newspaper between him and the company, but Mrs. Bennet would have none of it. "Mr. Bennet! You cannot possibly be so relaxed when we are all so agitated!"

"You are correct in that assumption, Mrs. Bennet," he said mildly. "I admit that I am not as relaxed as I appear to be, but somehow over the years I have become quite accomplished at appearing not so, if I may say so myself. I owe it to much opportunity for practice."

Elizabeth giggled, and was not quite sure if her mother knew she was being insulted or even had time to acknowledge it. Lunch was a quick affair between appointments, and Elizabeth thought maybe they would escape Lydia altogether, but she managed to corner them both upstairs in the early afternoon.

"Dear G-d," Jane said bluntly as Lydia began her monologue about the delights of matrimony. "Am I to be assaulted with advice and reassurance from every person in Hertfordshire? Is not any mystery to be left of it at all?"

That silenced them all quite completely for several moments.

"We are just concerned – "

"And I overwhelmed by the kindness of my sisters, my mother, my friends, and my more distant relatives, but surely there is more to marriage than relations! Would someone like to give me advise about when to expect visitors? Or how to receive relatives?" She went on, to everyone's stunned expressions, "Is Miss Bingley going to burst in and give me suggestions of the most untoward kind? Because please, let me at least put on a better gown for it."

The strange silence of several gabby women quieted entirely by the outburst of their beloved porcelain sister was only broken when Elizabeth began to laugh. "Just when I thought I knew everything of my sister's character, you have surprised me. Bravo!"

They were only interrupted by Mr. Bennet's voice at the bottom of the stairs. "Jane? Are you all right?" Whether he had heard the particulars of the outburst was doubtable, but the very fact that his eldest daughter was shouting was probably of some concern to him.

"Yes, papa! Everything is fine!" she called back, opening the door to her father. "We were just having a discussion."

"I am very accustomed to discussions in this family; it seems I cannot avoid them no matter how hard I try. This, instead, sounded like an argument of some kind."

"No, no, papa," Jane rushed to reassure her father, taking his hand. "We were just discussing ... matrimony."

"I can't imagine why not. It is the topic if the day."

"And the specifics of matrimony," Lydia cut in. "I will not stand to have my sisters go into their beds without any idea as to what they are to expect."

The elder Mr. Bennet blinked, then said slowly and carefully. "Oh." After a pause, he added, "Well, I will be in my study until it is time to leave for dinner. If you have any great need of me, I wish you the best of luck at finding an axe, because the door shall be soundly locked."

* * *

Dinner at Netherfield was not officially the pre-wedding dinner, which would come the following night, but it was in all likelihood an unintentional rehearsal, the room so crowded with guests that tables had to be brought together. At one end was the man of honor and the host, Mr. Bingley, and to his immediate left, Mr. Hurst in Darcy's usual place, for his friend had yet to return from London. (He broke the news to Elizabeth politely and quickly as they arrived) On his right, his sisters Caroline and Lousia, the former constantly requesting the wine to be passed. Then there were the Bennets, all seven of them, the Gardiners, the Collins, and the Lucas parents. All pretense for coherent conversation was quickly abandoned, as one could hardly shout across the table without being rude to the person next to them, and the atmosphere was undeniably cheery. Elizabeth contented herself seated between Jane and Georgiana, her sister and sister-to-be, though she did keep an unintentional eye on the door. Only when it began to rain rather badly – so noticeably that it could be heard in the background of the clamorous dinner.

"Do not worry," Georgiana said quietly. "This is not the first time my brother has been caught in the rain, and I can barely believe that he would allow it to alter his plans."

"I wish he would, for his own safety, to be caught in Town than in a downpour."

"He is Fitzwilliam Darcy and he has quite a resilience. He once road all the way from Pemberley to Bath in the middle of the night, stayed only a few hours, and then returned the next evening. I believe his clothing had to be disposed of."

"Oh, yes," Colonel Fitzwilliam said, at Georgiana's other side. "I remember that well. I'm surprised you remember it at all. He was but sixteen, so you must have been – "

"Pray, I never did learn the reason," Georgiana said, and winked to Elizabeth, knowing full well she was just as curious.

Fitzwilliam grunted. "Humph. Well, uhm, it is not for me to say. It was connected to some boyhood prank, I believe. That and he was at the age where he was quite sure he was the best rider in all of England – you know the time in a man's life where he feels he is invincible. When he was needed in Bath for some reason, he jumped at the change to be as brash and daring as possible."

"Mr. Darcy! Really!" Elizabeth exclaimed, having to restrain her voice so they were not overheard, even though everyone around them was engaged in their own conversations. "It does not seem like something he would do."

"If you imagine that your bethrothed has never done anything rash in his life, then you have no idea what he did to his aunt the evening before he proposed," Georgiana said.

"Really? You must tell me!"

"Well ... I suppose I shouldn't, because I only heard it from Lady Anne in later correspondence, but – apparently, when he heard from Lady Catherine that you had refused to swear you would never marry him, he made her repeat it several times, as if he had a hearing deficiency, before thanking her for aiding him in his quest to win your hand. She wouldn't stand for it, of course, so he left her quite alone in his London apartment while he rode off to Longbourn! In the middle of the night!" Georgiana giggled. "Somehow I imagine you can believe it."

"I can. Though before that day, I would have not," Elizabeth admitted.

Dinner seemed to pass too slowly, perhaps out of her growing concern for Darcy. When it ended there was hardly a change in situation, because they were all stuck there but for the weather. Card games and the piano diverted them, and the men took to the study for cigars. Eventually, though everyone was enjoying themselves, Mr. Bingley had to make arrangements with his servants about who was to sleep where, because there were those who were inclined to retire. Only a few were left at the card table when a rapping on the door shook them out of their conversation. The servants who stood by the door had retired, so Bingley did not wait for another to appear and opened the massive door himself.

It was, of course, Mr. Darcy. A completely soaked Mr. Darcy. When he removed his hat, a splash of collected water hit the floor, clearing a considerable puddle in Netherfield's hallway.

"Mr. Darcy!" Mrs. Bennet shrieked, as various servants rushed to attend him.

"I apologize," he said, bowing very tiredly at the crowd assembling quickly before him. "There was a problem with the carriage and I was forced to take the rest of the way on horseback."

"On horseback!" Mrs. Bennet was livid. "Poor Mr. Darcy, off to bed with you, for the sake of your health! Please!"

Darcy paused, probably deciding if he wanted to be treated by his future mother-in-law as if she was his _actual_ mother, but finally just quietly answered, "I regret my absence at dinner. Please excuse me." He bowed again, and allowed the servants to practically carry him off to his quarters.

"Mr. Bingley, we must have some food sent up to Mr. Darcy! A starving man is very easily taken ill!"

"Of course," Bingley said, still stupefied enough by Darcy's sudden appearance to defend the competence of Netherfield's well-paid staff to tend to Darcy properly. He _did_ have the sense to turn to Elizabeth and say, "Perhaps, Miss Bennet, you shall oversea the preparing of food, if you are not too tired yourself from the late hour."

She gave him a smile that obviously meant she was grateful that he read her mind on wanting to have an excuse to attend to Darcy. "Of course." She curtseyed and quickly scurried off to the kitchen. As she left, she heard her mother further discuss Mr. Darcy's health, apparently in fear that he would drop dead before the wedding.

"I believe a great philosopher once said, 'One does not die of a cold,'" Mr. Bennet reminded her, and Elizabeth smiled.

* * *

The food business was just an excuse, of course. Not that she was want to engage an exhausted Darcy in a long conversation that would not be to his liking, but she did want dearly to at least poke her head in. With the servant baring the tray behind her, she knocked on the door and was allowed entrance by a servant after he announced her and she heard Darcy mutter something in approval.

He was still mostly dressed, but he did not rise to great for obvious reasons. He was seated on the chaise lounge and a servant was unlacing his sizable boots. She curtseyed to him.

"Elizabeth," he said softly, "There is no reason to be alarmed. I am in quite good health, though I will be very happy if I do not see the back of a horse for a few days at least."

"I see you have not lost your sense of humor. That is the best sign. Well, I will bother you no longer – "

"It is good to see you," he interrupted. "I apologize again for my lateness. It was an important errand."

"Was it?"

"Yes. But I am not inclined to divulge it quite yet," he said, somehow managing a twinkle in his eye despite sheer exhaustion.

"Very well then," she said with a smirk. "I will wait until morn."

He held out his hand as some kind of invitation, and she took it briefly and leaned over, kissing him on the top of his still-wet head. "Good night, Mr. Darcy."

"Good night, Miss Bennet." He said the name strangely, as if he was tired of it.

Yes, they were both ready for a change of names.


	5. The Book

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

**Author's Note:** Thank you all for your comments and well-wishing. After a minor health setback I am recovering nicely, and I revised chapter 4. I enjoy posting this story, and will be sad when it ends soon in a few chapters.

It should be pointed out that this is the most risqué chapter by far, even if nothing "untoward" actually occurs or is openly discussed.

* * *

Chapter 5 – The Book 

In the morning, the weather had cleared and the various unintended guests were off in a hurry, far too much for Elizabeth's comfort. Darcy was still sleeping soundly even through the noisy breakfast, which was not like him at all, and she was eager to invent an excuse to remain at Netherfield at least until he woke, even when she had plenty to do at home on her last day as Elizabeth Bennet.

Fortunately Mr. Bennet, in his wisdom, said kindly, "Lizzy, I have some business with Mr. Darcy and I must stay until he is up and about. Perhaps you would take time from your busy schedule to spend a morning with your father before he gives you away?"

She gladly obliged. Fortunately she had done most of her packing already, for Mr. Darcy had insisted that most of his wife's possessions be sent on ahead to Pemberley so that she would not waiting for their arrival when they got there, after a brief stay in Town to break up the traveling. She saw her sisters off, and then retreated with her father to the library of Netherfield.

"And what business do you have with Darcy? If it is something you can divulge?" she said as he wandered the impressive library, glancing at the titles.

"No, no, I should not divulge it, as Mr. Darcy has asked me not to. This means I must tell you with all haste so that you may some day use it to your own amusement."

"Papa, I have no desire to vex my husband!"

"Certainly not, but he is certainly a proud man, and if anyone is to give him an occasional ribbing about it, I think it out to be you, for he is so in love with you that he would forgive you if you called him a donkey," Mr. Bennet said. "He did not make me swear on it, so I feel no oath is violated if I tell you of our business dealings."

"He insisted – "

"Yes, yes, that I owe him nothing for his generous donations to Lydia's unsalvageable honor. This has nothing to do with the matter, but still implies his generosity. It is simply that he has plans to purchase Longbourn at the time of my expiration."

While not altogether surprising when she looked at the situation, it was still rather generous and the very fact that it seemed to come from nowhere – for Darcy had certainly not said anything to her about it – stunned her briefly into silence.

"This is assuming, of course, that I live to see all of my daughters married and my widow does not with to continue living in an empty house. I say, she might do well with an apartment at Brighton, where she can admire all of the parading officers she pleases, but that is her decision. But nonetheless, it is comforting to know that Longbourn will remain on the Bennet side to some degree."

"For all of this talk of your dying," she replied, "you are quite well, papa."

"Yes, your mother has not succeeded in driving me to Bedlam quite yet. She may succeed when you and Jane are gone." He paused, as if he was almost being serious, and then he said, "Perhaps we should try to have a few more girls to liven up the place, if Kitty and Mary do not do their fair share."

"You wouldn't," she said. "And Jane will be but three miles from you."

"And you will be far more, my dear Lizzy."

"Oh, papa," she said, embracing him. "My only hesitation in this marriage is leaving my family. If I were to be an old maid, you would at least have my company until the end of your days."

"But I would not be nearly as happy as I am to see you happy with a husband such as yours," he said. "I will miss you dearly, but it does not come as a complete surprise to me that my daughters would eventually leave me for other men. It is just a pain fathers bare. Mothers, too."

"You will visit me at Pemberley, as often as you like."

"In time. When I was a newlywed, I was not much inclined to visitors for the first new months."

Before she could get his meaning, there was a knock on the door and a servant entered and bowed to them both. "Mr. Bennet. Miss Bennet. I am to inform you that Mr. Darcy is recovering quite well. The Master has gone to see to him now and he will report back to you."

"He is not sick?"

"No, marm, just very tired."

"Then let him rest all he wants," said Mr. Bennet. "He has enough to do tomorrow, I should say."

* * *

Mr. Bingley was a bundle of nerves for too many reason to count without throwing himself into a fit, but the top thing on his mind was the health of his good friend. In the years they had known each other, Darcy had never failed to rise before him, and yet he slept well until noon. A local doctor was called, and made his assessment as soon as Darcy showed signs of rousing. 

"He is not ill," said the doctor, and Bingley was quite prepared to wring his arm in thanks. "He is suffering from minor exhaustion. With some rest and plenty of food he should be fine for the celebrations tomorrow."

"Thank goodness. Thank you, doctor," he said, and gave orders to his servants to inform the waiting Bennets before hurrying up the stairs.

Finally, Bingley knocked on the door to Darcy's bedchamber. He felt a bit guilty about cornering him by means of Darcy's ill health, but the situation was rather desperate in his opinion. The servant Philips answered, carrying an empty platter.

"Is Mr. Darcy well?"

"He is recovering, Master Bingley."

"Good. Very good. Is he awake? Would he stand a visitor?"

"He is indeed at awares, sir." He bowed and quickly left, leaving the door open in his wake.

Bingley peered in and knocked again. "Darcy?"

A moan from inside the room. "Come in."

Bingley entered, and found Darcy alone, quite disheveled in his under shirt and propped up on a copious amount of pillows. "I came to see how you are doing."

"Yes, how delightfully obvious," Darcy said, his mood excusably lowered by the fact that he looked exhausted despite sleeping most of the morning. "I am not sick. I am just very, very tired."

"And it was raining."

"Only for the last hour or so," Darcy said, the memory dragging his voice down into a lower and angrier octave. "Very tired and soar. I will be fine for tomorrow."

"Of course." Bingley seated himself on the chair beside the bed. "Did you ride – "

"The entire way from Town, yes," Darcy said. "The carriage broke but two miles on the road. I would due to point out, in my defense, at the time I took to the horse, it was not raining." He put his head back and shut his eyes. "This is, of course, your fault."

"My fault? Are you serious?"

Darcy merely pointed to the dressing table, where there was a small package wrapped in paper and string. "A wedding present. Though it would be better for you to see it now, as opposed to after the wedding. So perhaps we shall call it a betrothal present."

"For me?"

"Bingley, just because I am not dying of a cold does not mean I am willing to listen to you stating the obvious all morning." He corrected himself, "Afternoon. Is it afternoon? I have an appointment in Meryton."

"We called for the tailor, and he is coming to Netherfield. It is being handled."

"And I am grateful for it. Now, do me the honor and make my miserable trip worthwhile."

Bingley cautiously approached the package, square but not a box. He lifted it, and it was obviously a book from the weight and shape. He cut the string with his pocketknife and removed the wrapper, and what he saw vexed him greatly. It was an old book, not ancient but certainly dusty and well-traveled, and its title was in a script he had never seen. There was no picture on the cover, but on the bottom he found in English, 'Translation by M.L. Watts.' He opened the cover, and found the first page in English, to his great relief. "Well, I'm sure Netherfield's library will certain be enhanced by this rare – " And then his voice just stopped. His brain just stopped when he flipped the page, and saw the first illustration. He was educated enough to recognize the style of artwork, but this was not the type of subject matter he had studied in Cambridge. Terrified, he flipped quickly through the thick book and found page after page of foreign-script titles, English explanations, and illustrations that – Well, he was fairly sure his ears were so hot that they were at any moment to burn off.

Darcy, in whatever state of self-amusement Bingley had no time for, so ... taken unawares as he was, finally broke the silence. "It is from India, I am told. Or, it says so in the translator's notes. I do not know the man. I imagine such a man, who is obviously well-educated from the breadth of his research, would use a pseudonym. I believe it was published in Bombay, at the colony there."

When Bingley had recovered enough to speak – which was quite a while – he merely stuttered, "You went to London to look for such a book?"

"Not such a book, Bingley. _The_ book. And believe me, I had to go to quite a number of shops before I located a copy. If bookshop owners are inclined to gossip, the Pemberley honor will never recover from my attempts to aid your marriage."

"_The_ book." Bingley's mind was not totally centered on the conversation, being immensely distracted by the fascinating ... content. "So you knew of it?"

"Yes, my father owned a copy, and like everything else at Pemberley, it passed to my guardianship after his death. Sadly, I could not have it sent for in time, because I am the only one who knows where to look for it."

"You – you keep this – this _work_ – in the hallowed libraries of Pemberley?"

"Certainly _not_! I keep it where my father left it, in a false bottom to a locked drawer in the desk in his study. You may wish to exercise the same discretion."

"Of – of course," he said, feeling like his hand was going to burn from just holding it. But on the other hand, he was perversely fascinated by its contents.

And perversely was _definitely_ the right word.

"So – you are familiar with it?" Bingley said.

"I cannot say I have mastered it," Darcy answered. "I cannot even pronounce the title. But let us say that the copy at Pemberley has been ... much perused."

"In privacy, I'm assuming."

"I have gone through great lengths to keep it from Georgiana and the servants, and I will go through even greater lengths to render you crippled in some fashion if you ever reveal a word of this to any of them."

Bingley didn't doubt it. Darcy made no further comment, apparently falling back into a more resting state, and Bingley found himself ignoring his ailing friend entirely, utterly fascinated as he was. There was no way – there was no way he could ever – that Jane would ever – were these just flights of savage Indian fantasy? He could not think, despite his athleticism, of a way to even get in most of those positions. And surely the church would frown on this. Surely he was damned to hell for just reading this book, right now in Darcy's room. He imagined John Calvin descending from heaven, with his black robes and long beard like the picture in his father's study, to point at him and scream at him about the unholy hellfire that awaited him.

"Darcy –"

Apparently brought out of a mild sleep, Darcy did not hide his annoyance. "_What_?"

"Please forgive my intrusion on your ill health, but – uhm, is this even _possible_?"

"Is _what_ even possible?"

Bingley was obligated to bring the book forward, sitting down on the edge of the bed, and holding up the very graphic and bizarre picture. Darcy squinted. "Oh, yes. Very difficult, though. Takes some practice."

And now, Bingley was quite sure, they were _both_ going to hell. Well, if that notion entered Darcy's mind, it didn't seem to perturb him, and there was a mind inside that tired head so full of knowledge Bingley was desperate to mine.

"How about this?"

"Give it here." Darcy took the book into his hands. "I confess, I do not believe every method proposed in this book is physically possible, unless the Indian locals are somehow differently built than us."

"I did suspect such a thing."

"Perhaps if I were double-joined," Darcy mumbled, flipping casually through the tome as if it was a local newspaper. There was something almost ... studious about his posture, as if he were looking at a very uncomfortable subject very academically, weighing options and opinions. "Here we go. This one." He passed the book back.

There was so many, Bingley had not seen them all. He was quite flummoxed by the illustration, and read the description several times before finally saying, "This cannot be very gentlemanly."

"But it does work. _Quite well_." Darcy was so at ease – was he basking in the glory of watching Bingley squirm and blush so heard he might pop out of his skin at any moment? Or was he recalling fond memories of the past? "There is even a Latin name for it, I believe."

"I cannot possibly – "

"You asked for my advice, Bingley, on the very delicate manner of pleasing your wife. I have gone through great lengths to make sure that you at least have some source of reference to do so beyond the wisdom you received from tavern chatter. It is your turn to use it wisely. And of course, to never speak of it with me again."

"Of course," Bingley said, trying to recover. "Of course. You are truly a wonderful friend, and I am grateful for it. Now, I cannot inconvenience you further by having you ill for the wedding." He stood and bowed.

"You sound like our mother-in-law," Darcy merely said, and rolled over, presumably to go back to sleep.

"I am afraid to remind you that you have some business with Mr. Bennet this afternoon, and Miss Elizabeth is quite eager to see you."

At 'Elizabeth' Darcy sat up. "Please have a servant bring me some decent clothes at once, and Bingley nodded in complete understanding.

As Bingley left, he took a great effort to hide the book in the inner folds of his jacket until he could dash into his room, where he dismissed the servant and was free to fret about the best hiding place for his wedding present. When he felt that it was thoroughly hidden between the mattresses, he heard the bell for lunch, and quickly collected himself, splashing water on his still-hot face. Only when his normal natural paleness (due to a partial Irish ancestry no one would admit to) had returned was he willing to make an appearance. At the top of his steps, he looked down and saw at the bottom his Elizabeth Bennet, clearly waiting for some news of Darcy's health.

This of course caused him to blush entirely anew. By the time he got down the steps, he must have been beet red, because he could not help but think that if Mr. Darcy was as scholarly on a certain Indian subject as he seemed to be, the future Mrs. Darcy was perhaps the luckiest woman in England.

And she had no idea as to why.

* * *

After some waiting, Elizabeth was permitted entry to Darcy's bedchambers. For propriety reasons, the servant would not be dismissed, at least not until Darcy insisted. He was dressed properly, but he came unsteadily to his feet to greet her. 

"Do not," she insisted, and pushed him down on the bed. It occurred to her that this was the first time they were ever on a bed together. "You need your rest."

"I am sorry to keep your father waiting."

"Do not worry for a moment. He is quite entranced with the library and will be happy for quite some time. It is I who must return quickly to Longbourn – but I could not, before seeing you."

"I am not ill," he said, sounding like he was tired of saying it.

"You did ride to Hertfortshire from Town on horseback. Though, I heard, it was not your wildest ride, even if it was raining."

Darcy blinked, clearly having no idea as to the reference, so she went ahead and filled him in, "Your cousin told me last night of an adventure to Bath, but very strangely, he would not give me the particulars."

A look confirmed that he would have to tell this story, so he sighed and went ahead with it. "It was a foolish thing to do. I suffered grateful from it for weeks, I suppose as punishment for the reason. I assure you it was not scandalous, but it was rather stupid."

"Then you will tell me?"

"I would tell you anything," he said. "The reason Colonel Fitzwilliam perhaps did not engage the specifics is because it involved Wickham, if in a rather harmless way for Wickham to be involved in anything."

"Of course," she concluded. "Georgiana was present."

"Yes. Well, it does not reflect well on my character, or at least on my intelligence. I was stupid and Wickham was – being himself. At the time, I was sixteen and he was seventeen, and we were in competition over everything, not always the friendliest kind, as when we were boys. At that particular time, it was in the area of riding. So it was that my father had a document waiting for him in Bath, and mentioned it in some conversation, and Wickham, ever looking to get in father's good graces, told me he would ride to Bath overnight to fetch this document instead of making a servant to do it, because he was such an accomplished rider that his method would be most expedient. Being the headstrong beast that I was – "

"And still may, on occasion, be –"

He did not get angry. Instead, he sort of smiled at her. So her father's theory was correct. " – I immediately challenged him that I could make it to Bath and back with greater urgency. And so it became a private challenge, for we told my father nothing of it, intending it to be a surprise. We took slightly different routes, I suppose to not be on-edge at constantly seeing each other, and I arrived in Bath with little idea of where Wickham was. I was grateful that he had not overtaken me, but I had to wait until the sunrise for the clerk's office to open and for me to obtain the document, and I dared not to sleep. When I did obtain it, I thought nothing better than to return home as quickly as possible, I suppose to drive the point home, so to speak. I was there and back in nearly the cycle of a day.

"Wickham did not reappear for several days. It seems he got lost, and sheltered at inn, where he found some woman to his liking, and realizing that he had already lost, decided to weather there for some time before returning home to my gloating. So as to not be unseemly, I did not mention his involvement in the affair at all when I presented the document to my very surprised and confused father. I may have told Fitzwilliam at some point, but I do not remember. All I remember was spending nearly a month in bed with a terrible fever and terrible muscle pain. I did not mount a horse for another month beyond that."

"I can imagine," she giggled. "Or, I am creative enough to do so."

"Yes," he said. "So last night's exploits were really nothing in comparison. I am quite well."

"So you have explained. But you still not have explained the _reason _for taking off and returning so hastily."

He raised an eyebrow. "Do I need a reason? I have had much business in Town since our engagement was announced."

"I will venture a guess and say this was not a business dealing."

Darcy sighed and laid back on the pillow. "Clearly, I should not be marrying someone of such great intuition. I will never have a secret again."

"Clearly."

"But allow me a day's respite. This was a matter of ... research."

"And then you will tell me?"

"No, Elizabeth," he said. "And then I will _show_ you."

To be continued.


	6. The Dinner Party

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Story summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

* * *

Chapter 6 – The Dinner Party

Despite the intricacies of the planning, the pre-wedding dinner was somewhat delayed in starting, as the muddy roads prevented the best choice of meats from coming in time. Despite Bingley's mild worry over the impropriety, his many, many guests seem quite content to feast on hors d'oeuvres and a good amount of wine, and he could put himself at some ease. In fact, he had enough time to glance at poor Darcy, who despite his robust appearance was quite entrenched in endless inquiries about his health. Bingley smiled sympathetically at him, and Darcy only returned with a pained grimace before turning his attentions back to a very insistent guest. It was the very decidedly stealthy Darcy glance that said, 'I would consider killing everyone in this room to escape it.' Maybe Elizabeth would be the exception, but they were not yet married and so, at least in such a social atmosphere, some distance was kept – consciously or unconsciously – between them. Perhaps when Elizabeth would properly dress his arm, the introverted Mr. Darcy would at least be able to manage company a bit more easily.

But Mr. Bingley's concerns were not entirely focused on Darcy and Elizabeth. In fact, they were only peripheral. The same reason that kept them at opposite ends of the room also kept him from his beloved Jane. Perhaps he should have ridden miles in the rain, been stuck in bed, and skillfully forced Jane to attend to him. Alas, if it had all been a plot, he lamented that he was not as clever as Darcy by half. He barely got a glimpse of her, surrounded as she was by feminine guests, and he had hosting duties that could not be ignored, especially with the minor disaster in the kitchen. Someone had to retrieve extra salad plates from the storeroom upstairs, and in a great desire to expel some nervous energy, Bingley decided to insist on doing it himself. Not that he had ever been to the store room, but it was his manor and he figured he had best be acquainted with every nook and cranny, so he took directions from the flummoxed cook and headed up the stairs. Hopefully he would return quickly and not to find many dead bodies and Mr. Darcy being arrested for manslaughter.

The dark humor of his grim thought was enough to keep him smiling and distracted, so much so that he almost dropped the box of plates right there on the stairway upon the sight of Jane at the bottom.

"Mr. Bingley!" she said, obviously quite surprised by his own appearance. "I did not mean to – "

"You are not intruding. Just – allow me to put down this box or we will have no proper plates for the third course," he stuttered, and put the box down, knowing there was no way he could concentrate on a container of porcelain with proper attention with his country beauty standing right there. He joined her on the landing, and it occurred to him that for the first time in many days, they were quite – if briefly alone. "How – How are you, Miss Bennet?"

"Very well," she said, but her voice was full of mixed emotions, and he had enough sense in him to guess that she had the same feelings he did – love mixed with anticipation, nervousness, anxiety, and quite possibly, absolute terror. "I should not keep you from your duties – "

"No, no," he sputtered. "It can wait, of course. Anything can wait for – I mean, anything can wait. For you." G-d, he would give anything for Darcy's golden power of speech at this moment. "How are you?"

"You already asked that," she said with an amused smile.

"I did? Yes, I suppose I did." He allowed himself to laugh. "I am quite ridiculous, am I not?"

Jane merely answered, "In a very endearing sort of way, Mr. Bingley."

He suddenly didn't know what to do with his hands. He needed a hat to strangle the life out of. Instead he was stuck rubbing the sides of his waistcoat. "This will not do. You must call me Charles. I cannot take being 'Mr. Bingley' to you any longer."

"Then I will have to be Jane," she said. "Though I have not heard Lizzy call Darcy anything else but his formal name. And, come to think of it, neither have I of you."

"That's because Darcy is Darcy. You know," and he said in a very stentorian voice, like a servant announcing him, "'Darcy of Pemberley and Derbyshire.' And all that." They shared a giggle at his friend's expense.

"So you have never called him anything else?"

"Never!"

"And what does his sister call him?"

"'Brother.' I believe he is not much endeared to his baptismal name. Besides, I suppose, the inconvenience of Colonel Fitzwilliam being his cousin. Though – they do look quite different."

"So you've never heard anyone call him Fitzwilliam?"

"I have heard someone call him 'Fitzers,' but that is not a story I can repeat, as it does not end well." But when his future wife looked at him, he felt even more compelled than usual to be obliging. "Oh please, do not look at me like that. I cannot betray his confidence."

Her smile was so kind, it completely ruined the intended effect of her answer. "I would never ask you to betray _Mr. Darcy's_ confidence."

She wasn't really asking, and he knew it. He could easily side-swipe the issue entirely, but standing here next to her, quite alone and quite giddy, he felt in the mood to be light about it. "On the other hand, I have never had a chance to tell it, and I can think of no better person to ask for the strictest confidentiality than a wife."

"Minus six and twenty hours."

"So we are _both_ counting!" he said. "All right, I must oblige you on this, but privately." Fortunately, Netherfield was full of small dressing rooms to sneak into. He shut the door solidly behind him. "And you cannot tell your sister. No, I cannot ask that of you. That is too cruel. I suppose I will just have to suffer the indignity of being a gossip."

"You do not have to, Charles."

"But I will. For you," he said, again quite keenly aware that they were alone – now in a closed, very small room. "You must understand that Cambridge is a place of much ... well, to be blunt about the subject, drinking. And other behavior that does not enter this conversation. But – this is not to say Darcy was an alehouse regular, nor I. Quite the opposite, in fact. He was most studious because he is Darcy of Pemberley and I was most honored with being the first of my family to attend university, so I had better things to do than fail. But there was one night -," he bit his lip. Thank heavens he wasn't telling _that_ story! "On this night, I was invited to a particular ... tavern and hadn't the faintest idea of where it was. At this point I had known Darcy for a few months and he was, I admit, being somewhat protective of me. I did not realize it at the time, but it is something in his nature with the people he cares about, so I suppose I should have been honored but – I am prattling on." He tried not to look at Jane. Not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't imagine what would happen if he did. "So – he knew the place and decided to accompany me. I must confess that I was terrible and became so involved in my conversation with a man in my logic class that I did not notice how uneasy Darcy was. Truly I am an awful friend."

"Truly you are too hard on yourself."

He did not want to contradict her. He never wanted to contradict her on anything, ever. "At some point, I do not recall exactly when, someone approached Darcy at the table whom he did know in some fashion I never discovered. Not to say there was discord between them, but this man thought himself a better friend to Darcy than Darcy thought of him. He proceeded to immediately engage him in a long conversation about local sport, to which Darcy said hardly anything. I did not even take much note of it until then man, when congratulating him on a recent match, quite liberally slapped him on the shoulder and called him 'Fitzers.' Or some such nickname. In fact, he slapped him so hard and unexpectedly that Darcy sort of swooned and knocked over his wineglass. Or, all three of them. And a mug of ale."

"And Mr. Darcy's reaction?" Because now she was obviously too invested in the story to not know its conclusion, however unbecoming.

"He slammed a fist on the table and challenged the man to a duel. To first blood or hit or what I do not know – I am not a fencer and I have never been in a duel. He did not explain himself at all, but he was quite incensed, and it took a minute for the man to even react to this. Now you must understand, Darcy was at this time second only to the captain of Cambridge's fencing club."

"So the man would have lost."

"And he could not have been unknowing in that. But it was that intensity in Darcy's eyes – everyone in the room was staring at him as he awaited the man's reaction. His colleague merely said, 'Are you serious?' And all Darcy had to do was stand up, one hand still on the table, and stare him down."

"...And?"

"And he ran. The man, I mean. Right out of the tavern. I never saw his face again."

"Quite an accomplishment for Mr. Darcy!"

"More than that man knew, because Darcy was in no condition to duel, however talented he might have been," Bingley said. "It turned out, only his hand on the table was keeping him upright. As soon as the man was soundly gone, he collapsed on the floor. It took me and the bartender to get him upright again." He added quickly, "There is something to be said for not regularly partaking in vast quantities of spirits, but it does nothing to build up your resistance."

"Are you saying Darcy is a ... lush?"

"Perhaps." He giggled again. "Please, please, I beg of you, never tell him I told you this."

"I would never do anything to insult the considerable Darcy pride," she said, semi-jokingly.

"Because it _is_ considerable," he said. "Oh dear. We are up hear laughing at Darcy and we have left him to the wolves downstairs."

"Charles! Some of those wolves are my relatives! And some of my relatives are not even wolves!"

They were roaring with laughter again, preventing any further conversation for some time. The dishes were now thoroughly forgotten.

"I am being a terrible host."

"I forgive you of this great sin."

He chuckled. "But I will gladly endure the same of being a notoriously bad master of Netherfield if it means I must instead spend my time alone with you."

To this, Jane was silent. She was shy, he was shy, and they were both aware of it and of the irregularity of his outburst. Most of their moments of privacy – well, almost all of them – had been on walks outside and more mundane topics were discussed. This moment was not so much the case, and there was much averting of the eyes.

"Jane," he said, after gathering some courage._ Imagine you're Darcy_, he thought._ You can say whatever you please and somehow not only get away with it but secure the second loveliest girl in England for your bride_. "I am overwhelmingly grateful that we can laugh together now ... when there has been so much between us."

"Not so much, darling."

"Well, two days ago, you looked like I was going to eat you alive."

Instead of shrinking back in horror, she actually giggled again, covering her mouth. "Oh, that was nothing to do with you. Just some apprehension on my part, thanks to being assaulted by marital advice by my mother."

Mrs. Bennet giving Jane marital advice of any kind – _there_ was an image most unpleasant. But he did not want to bring up his own travails, at least, not in detail. He had already shamed himself and Darcy enough in the last few minutes. "I admit to being somewhat nervous myself. Not for any reason related to you, just – fear of the unknown, I suppose." _And you have completely bewitched me. Can I mention that? Would it be unbecoming? Would I terrify you?_ "But I suppose it is natural and ultimately irrelevant."

"Yes. Of course."

It was not anything she said, or the way she said it. It was that their gazes met for the first time in several minutes, and there was a meeting of not only the eyes but the minds. In that very small dressing room, barely more than a closet, she was up against the wall and he was kissing her, trying to decide that if the act itself was as good as the simple sensation of having her arms around his neck.

Fear of the unknown was definitely a most illogical human emotion. The unknown was quite wonderful, especially when it was her fingers, moving through his hair.

"Bingley!"

Damn that knocking and damn that Darcy! Well, at least it was Darcy and not a servant – or, heaven forbid, one his sisters. He loved his sisters dearly, but this was not the moment for brotherly affection. It was the moment for removing himself from Jane and taking a deep, well-needed breath. They looked at each other, as if expecting the other to invent a solution.

"Bingley, do you wish half the servants in this house looking for their master or not? And make no pretense of being elsewhere, because I've looked in half the rooms in this estate on your behalf already!"

"Coming, Darcy!" he said, as he straightened his waistcoat. "It seems I must return."

"I think we must _both_ return," she whispered.

"Six and twenty, then."

"I believe it is more like five and twenty, but yes."

He smiled at her a very private smile before straightening himself one last time and opening the door to, fortunately, only Darcy. Seeing both of them, Darcy's face registered no particular emotion and he bowed politely. "Miss Bennet."

"Mr. Darcy," she curtseyed and quickly slid past him and back downstairs.

Bingley stood there, saw his best friend giving him a once over – with his head of mussed hair and reddened face, and merely said in the most even voice possible, "It seems you are besting me at everything these days."

"I did not know you were inclined to consider this a competition," Bingley said, and could not account for his own shrewdness. Maybe it was something in Jane's influence that brought it out of him. "But seriously, you have not – "

"We are not having this discussion."

"So I can assume – "

"The longer you stay up here, the longer your guests will have avail themselves of the liquor cabinet on empty stomachs, and if I must endure another impromptu drunken sermon by Mr. Collins, I will permanently hold it against your character. Now _go_." He handed him the discarded box of plates and nearly pushed him down the stairs. "And if you can invent a proper reason, send Elizabeth up."

To this, Bingley decided he did not have the wits to craft a response.

Next Chapter: The Long Night


	7. The Long Night

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

* * *

Chapter 7 – The Long Night

Darcy did not have to endure another impromptu drunken sermon by Mr. Collins, at least not at the dinner table. There were simply so many guests and so much chatter that one could be easily ignored, and since he was not able to mention Lady Catherine without provoking Darcy's considerable anger, that cut his conversational abilities in half.

But Darcy was not inclined to be angry, at least from what Bingley could tell. If Darcy was not returned directly to his left he could not tell anything, because he could hardly hear anything or make out any conversation a few seats beyond them. Though he was want to say it, was fortunate that Lady Catherine had not attended, for she would have insisted on the traditional formalities that a twelve-course meal demanded, while Bingley was more inclined to let his guests revel in the pre-wedding festivities. For matters such as this he usually referred to Darcy for his expertise, as it was only under Darcy's subtle hand had he been schooled in being master of Netherfield, but both men were busy with other things and quite content to let things fall where they may.

Despite the variety of food unusual even by his considerable standards, Bingley found himself eating little, his stomach not the least bit settled, he assumed out of nerves. He instead contented himself with partaking in the socialization or merely observing it. There was a certain triangle amount of his adjacencies, as Miss Bingley put up a considerable show to appear to like her new sister a great deal, and Bingley was quite sure he could Darcy occasionally smirking at the flagrancy of the act. It was some relief to Bingley that no longer would Darcy have to fend off Caroline, though he was unsure if the matter had ever truly vexed him. Certainly if it had, Darcy would have said something or made his feelings known by less readily spending time at with the Bingleys, and yet he was his closest companion.

There were toasts, to their host and to the two couples, and the glasses were raised quite a few times before it was over. Mr. Collins was about to stand up when his wife found herself overwhelmed by either the food or the atmosphere – that could not be determined properly – and insisted that he escort her outside for fresh air. Elizabeth whispered something in Darcy's ear, and he waited until there was a moment when chatter had resumed to say quietly to Bingley, "You owe a great favor to Mrs. Collins."

Bingley held himself back from proposing a toast.

Time was pressing, and the dinner was brought to a conclusion at a decent time, so that the various guests could retire and the Bennets and Gardiners could return to Longbourn in good time. As it would be the last time he would see his bride before she stood in church, Bingley was a bit emotional, and looked to Darcy, who undoubtedly was doing quite well at hiding any emotions _he _felt – but Darcy could not be found. Darcy and Elizabeth were missing as the crowd gathered around the carriages, and reappeared only moments before they set off with no proper explanation. Everyone was too busy to apparently notice this, but the carriages could not leave without Elizabeth Bennet, so their timing was impeccable. "Till tomorrow," Bingley said with no lack of enthusiasm as he waved good-bye.

That left them with their Netherfield guests. The women mainly retired, or took to the drawing room, and the men to the parlor. "Bingley," Darcy said from behind him, ever the mysterious man. "I fear Mr. Bennet was left behind. He is in the library."

"Oh no, he said he wanted some more time to think and wouldn't get a moment of it at home. He will take a carriage later this evening," Bingley explained. "Shall we share a glass of port?"

"Yes. I desperately need something to settle my stomach," Darcy admitted, and then rejoined the other gentlemen in the study.

"Goodness, Darcy, are you all right?"

Darcy gave him a cold glare of a man tired of being asked that question.

Bingley decided to continue as if it had not occurred. "So then. The port."

"Indeed."

He opened the double doors that lead to the parlor, and was greeted by a rousing cheer from his male company at their appearance. Bingley looked at Darcy, who merely covered his forehead with disgust.

* * *

Elizabeth's shared room with her sister was practically empty but for the furniture. Her things were packed and on their way to Pemberley or in trunks downstairs. She barely had her nightgown and a brush. Jane, with less of a distance to be traveling, had nonetheless quite prepared herself for no longer being a resident of Longbourn, and they were quite alone but for the bed and each other – and soon, they would be without both.

Nonetheless, a generally giddy atmosphere pervaded even when they were finally left alone, with their mother telling them to get a good rest. Clearly, there would be none of that. They were far to excited. Anxious, too, but it was better not to think of it.

"I am quite sure of it now," Elizabeth said. "You _can_ die of happiness. They have to prop my corpse up for the wedding."

"Lizzy, don't be so morbid!" "I fear the only thing keeping me alive at this very moment is that I tomorrow night I will be far away from you," she said, lowering her tone somewhat as she wrung her sister's hand. "But you shall visit."

"There is much convenience in the fact that are husbands are practically inseparable. We must make a pact that we will conspire to never allow them to fight."

"And we must make another pact that we must never allow them to find out about _our_ pact, for they could never stand to know that we were meddling in their private affairs," Elizabeth said. "Or perhaps Mr. Bingley could, but Darcy would be quite affronted."

"Why I am the one to make this revelation, I know not, but dear sister, Mr. Darcy is affronted by _everything_."

Elizabeth laid back on the pillow, propping her head up with her elbow. "Oh yes. But how fortunate that he is insufferably adorable when he looks disgusted."

"So I am to be invited to Pemberley?"

"What? Why ever would you think not?"

"Because of Charles' train of sisters, of whom, your beloved is so overly fond."

Elizabeth giggled. "Who is this vicious woman and what has she done with my sister, who can only see the good in everyone?"

"I did not say _I_ do not like them. They have been perfectly civil to _me_."

"Perhaps because one of them is not trying to marry you."

"Poor Miss Bingley," Jane said, sounding somewhat sympathetic. "She had such a similar method to you, and now she is a spinster. If only she had your heart behind her."

"You are not _seriously_ comparing me to Caroline Bingley?"

"No! Not in all manners. But – will you say, honestly, that you never did anything intentionally to vex Mr. Darcy? Did you not engage him in a manner that would provoke his ire?"

"Only when he was begging for it! How could I not? And that was before – before I was even considering not hating the man!"

"Oh yes, Lizzy, I'm sure."

Elizabeth hit her sister with a pillow. Not hard, just enough to make the point that Jane was right and Elizabeth didn't care for the truth at that moment one bit.

"We are supposed to be getting our rest!"

"Yes, our 'rest,'" Elizabeth said. "While our husbands are up at all hours, enjoying their last bit of bachelorhood to no ends. We must be perfect ladies while they have the time of their lives!"

* * *

At that exact moment, Mr. Darcy was swallowing a third glass of brandy and trying to decide, honestly, whether it would be better to simply hit Mr. Collins in the face or to expel the contents of his stomach all over him. Surely, the latter would be improper, but it was likely to happen in a few minutes anyway for unrelated reasons, and the groveling vicar would surely forgive a very rich man of standing and potential future patron, but a solid hit would be so very satisfying. The gut, certainly, would shut him up without putting a bruise all over his face for the wedding or knocking one of his teeth out. Darcy, to his best recollection, had only done that once, and Wickham had whined about it for weeks afterwards. How bad could the loss of a simple back tooth be? Perhaps it explained his lack of wisdom.

Regardless, he remained in his chair opposite the prattling priest, mainly because he did not feel inclined to stand up. Instead he gave the best impression that he was listening to a word the man was saying, something he considered himself very talented at.

" – has to say about the sanctity of marriage, but I won't bore you further with the words of the great – "

Darcy could not help but roll his eyes. Fortunately, Mr. Collins was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder from Mr. Hurst, a very imposing figure when he was standing up straight. "If you would, Mr. Collins, I would like a word with my future brother."

"Of course, of course." Because Mr. Collins was quite agreeable to everything said out loud, even if he was oblivious to every subtly. He relinquished his treasured throne in front of the prone Darcy, who was doing the best to hide that he was either ill or drunk, as Mr. Hurst sat down. Darcy said a silent half-serious prayer that the chair wouldn't collapse.

"Mr. Darcy," Mr. Hurst said, with a sort of formality that put Darcy off. "I know you are a man of great standing, and a man of education. You have traveled to the continent and shown yourself to be a true master of a great estate. I am much honored to be closer in association to your family."

Darcy nodded politely.

"I cannot help but then offer my humble advice, from one man to another, in the one area in which I may have some more ... er, _expertise_."

Darcy sunk further into his chair.

"Now I'm sure you've had your jaunts, what with the sort of man you are, tall and proud, fending 'em off. Like Caroline. Good job on that one." He gave Darcy a gentle knock on the arm, something Darcy absolutely despised, but he hoped his groan wasn't audible. "No offense to my sister, but – well, you know. To put up with her, all those years. But to the subject at hand – yes! The bloody subject!" He raised his glass. Darcy made some effort to raise his, and Mr. Hurst continued in a lowered voice, "There is some difference, I must tell you, in having a wife and a mistress."

"_Really_," Darcy finally managed to say, raising one eyebrow to press the point. "I had no idea."

"You will make a jest of it if you please, but I am trying to help you, good man! There are particulars to each woman – though surely you have discovered that. But I mean long term – "

Darcy motioned to the servant, and requested a pen and scrap of paper. "Please continue, Mr. Hurst," he said as he scribbled his note and gave the servant instructions to deliver it to Bingley post-haste. "And bring more brandy, please."

* * *

On the other side of the room, Bingley was just as entrenched, fending off the attentions of Sir William Lucas and Mr. Collins, both very respectable men who seemed to be eager to remind him that he was getting married tomorrow, as if he could forget.

"Sir," said his servant, and handed him a paper. He apologized to his guests, unfolded it, and read in Darcy's precise (if a little wobbly) script, '_I will give you my half of Derbyshire to get me out of this room right now_. _D_.'

When he looked up, Sir Lucas had gone for more refreshment, and he was left with Mr. Collins, who had quite literally cornered him against the wall. "Mr. Bingley, if I could have your ear but for a moment – "

"Yes, yes, of course," he said, holding the note behind his back.

"You will excuse me, Mr. Bingley, if I do not sound like a proper churchmen for what I am about to say, but I believe that marriage should be held in the highest regard and therefore is worthy of some low speech to make it this particular sacrament more palatable. And I might say, with all humility, that I have some experience in this area."

"Oh. Yes, of course. Of course, Reverend Collins. You have my full attention – as soon as I handle this missive," he said, and quickly motioned to the servant for a pen. Once procured, he put the note against the bookcase and scribbled on the back, '_And I will give you Netherfield to get me out_. _CB._' "Please, if you would, deliver this to Mr. Darcy. Now, you were saying, Mr. Collins?"

* * *

"Lizzy?"

"Mmm?"

"Who do you think our sisters will marry?"

Elizabeth sat up. "Surely you do not expect me to have names and fortunes ready."

"Throwing aside circumstance. Who do you think they would be likely to fall in love with, if they are so lucky to marry for love?"

"Now that the threat of expulsion is lost, they can take the veil for all concerned. But I do not see Kitty doing so."

"Pray, whatever do you mean?"

"She will doubtlessly fall in love with some colonel, but this time, we will do a thorough check of his social standing and background before agreeing to allow her a moment alone with him. So all will be well, when she finds one satisfactory to all of us. Oh, and gambling debts. We must look into gambling debts. I should write this down so I do not forget."

Jane giggled. "No, I mean, what is this about expulsion?"

"Oh! Well, it is supposed to be a secret between my husband and our father, which means papa told me right away, and now I must tell you right away, but you shall not tell your husband, lest it shame him for not thinking of it first," Elizabeth said. "Darcy is making arrangements to purchase Longbourn upon our father's death. I believe father will Will it to him, but in some manner that I do not understand, because we poor women did not go to Cambridge and were not given knowledge of manly business dealings. Needless to say, heaven forbid, should something happen to papa, Mr. Collins cannot turn mama and any remaining sisters out!"

Jane covered her mouth. "How very generous of Mr. Darcy! He did not tell you this himself?"

"Of course not. He is being very secretive, and I will allow him to be so – to some extent."

"To the extent you deem proper."

"Yes, of course," she laughed. "For I must allow him to have some secrets if I am to have any."

"You are intending to keep secrets from your husband?" Jane seemed genuinely shocked.

"Nothing so horrible! It is merely a matter of leaving things out. If you were to, say, tell me something in confidence about Mr. Bingley – "

" – which I would not – "

"Of course, but _hypothetically_, if you were to tell me something in confidence – about anything – I would not immediately run and tell Darcy. Some things shall remain between sisters."

"Of course," Jane said, and their hands tugged in a sort of unintentional handshake.

* * *

"And she can find it to be very pleasing – "

Mr. Darcy did not want to know what was potentially pleasing to Elizabeth Bennet. He did want to know what Louisa Hurst found pleasing. He did not want to know a single more thought that might be contained in Mr. Hurst's mind. He would have gotten up a long time ago, but he was note quite sure he could do it without losing his dinner. It turned out that alcohol was _not_ medicinal, and this night was the night to learn it?

He had Bingley's reply in his hand but there was nothing he could do about it. He was quite meant to suffer. Perhaps this was some divine punishment for the torture he had once inflicted upon his bride, as if he had not been punished enough by her and circumstance. Those combined left him in a stupor for half a year. He was quite ready to get on with his happy life with the greatest beauty in England, if only this man would _shut up_.

But it was not to be, and he had not the strength to fight it for some reason. It was only when those double doors opened that he lifted his head, assuming it was some servant to refill their glasses. G-d, that was all he needed. But he looked, and it was not.

It was Mr. Bennet.

"Good sirs," he announced quite properly. "If I may pull my two new sons away from you for a bit before I must return home, I would be a very grateful man."

As he was the father of the brides, everyone was obliging. Darcy was surprised at his own ability to stand up, though it give his stomach quite an ominous turn, one he swallowed back down and accompanied Bingley and Mr. Bennet to the library. Once they were safely inside, he closed the lock and sat down with his book and own brandy. Darcy collapsed in a chair, but Bingley just stood there, expecting something.

"...Well?" he finally dared.

"Well what?" Mr. Bennet said, not glancing up from the text. "I just supposed you might want some respite from your wonderful guests. If you're not inclined to retire quite yet, I could recommend quite a few books from your own library that do not look like they have been read in ages."

"So ... no advice?"

"Of course not. Takes all the fun out of things." Mr. Bennet finally looked up long enough to see Darcy. "Mr. Darcy, I dare say, you look rather ill."

"I fear I am," Darcy decided to admit, realizing now it was not the drink – though that certainly hadn't helped. "Bingley, could you – " But before he could finish his sentence, servants appeared to help him into the next room, where he lingered for some time before being well enough to return. If he looked any less green twenty minutes later upon his return, no one said anything.

"Perhaps some tea," Bingley offered, and Darcy nodded weakly in agreement."

"Yes. Very good for the stomach," Mr. Bennet said, turning his chair around to face them better as Bingley took a seat on the couch next to Darcy. "Well, since we're all in this room together, I might as well entertain you with a story that I have never told anyone, and all of the Longbourn staff who knew of it are long since expired, so I feel safe." He stood up, his back to the roaring fire, towering over the men he was willingly giving his daughters too – one a little dizzy with nerves and one obviously ill. "It's not a terribly long story, so don't worry. The night before my wedding, I was a nervous wreck. In fact, I was for weeks ahead of time, so that night I took great care not to eat or drink anything exceptional. It did not help one bit, and I spent the entire evening being quite ill. I showed up to the altar with barely three hours of sleep and absolutely nothing in my entire digestive system, I am quite sure. And yet we married all the same, and had many happy years together, and will continue to do so, provided I do not keel over any day now as has been so repeatedly predicted."

Neither of them had any response to this. This, too, he seemed to expect, and he continued just the same, "I suppose this does come as some surprise, but as Mrs. Bennet can be a particularly nervous and vexing personality, I cannot blame her, shouldering the responsibility of five daughters to marry off and an estate to manage while I sit in my study and read books that tell me that it is _my_ fault we have no sons. She occupies her entire life seeing to the care of the people she loves, no matter how little care they actually desire. I would not have anyone else. Though, if you're searching for a proper Christmas gift to your father-in-law, please make it a nice pair of earmuffs. You know, those new-fashioned ones that reduce noise."

"Gladly," Bingley immediately answered, and Darcy's main reply was to rush off again. Bingley glanced in concern, but Mr. Bennet put a hand on his shoulder.

"He'll be fine. He has swallowed all of his nerves like any stoic gentleman and now they are having their revenge."

"Mr. Bennet," Bingley said, "how did you get so wise?"

"Years of living with Jane and Lizzy," he replied.

Next up: Chapter 8 - The Guest


	8. The Guest

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

* * *

Chapter 8 – The Guest 

Charles Bingley did not take his morning constitution. Almost instantaneously upon his waking, his servants were all ready for him, for his grooming needed exceptional attention and it was everyone's opinion that it was best to get it out of the way. He breakfasted quickly on a tray in his room before having to stand in front of several mirrors and be exquisitely dressed. Not that he minded at all – he picked the outfit out himself – but he was just overwhelmed by the whole experience.

"Master Bingley," said his manservant, and took from him the third handkerchief he had torn by wringing it obsessively. He had the notion that they were intentionally handing him bad ones at this point.

"My apologies," he said with a stutter.

"Please hold still, sir."

But he could not. His hands were shaking. Oh, how was he ever to survive the day? Surely Darcy was doing better than him. Wait, Darcy! He immediately sent a servant to privately inquire after his friend's health, as he himself had not made it past the door of his dressing yet. He had only retired the night before after many reassurances from Darcy that he was quite well, thank you very much, and wanted only to sleep.

"Sir," said another servant, entering the room. "Miss Bingley, if you are available."

He was quite fully dressed, and they were only making the final adjustments on the most complicated cravat he had ever worn, so he said, "Yes, of course, tell her she is most welcome." Actually he was quite surprised at the announcement – what could she possibly have to say to him now? – and not sure entirely how to feel about it, but the rest of his emotions were busy overwhelming him anyway, and he barely had time to properly sort out her possible reasons to appear when she strode in, not in her usual unnecessary ball gown but in an elegant but modest dress. "Caroline, you look – very nice."

"I am glad you went with blue," she said, taking a turn around him. He was quite unable to read her intentions, but then again, he always was, at least when Darcy wasn't in the room and she wasn't making them obvious. In fact, her behavior since the announcement of Darcy's engagement had been in general downright bizarre, but he had hardly rushed to quiz her on it. His attentions were admittedly elsewhere. Perhaps that made him a bad brother. "You are quite fetching." She gave a playful tug to his coat to straighten it. This turn of affection was downright odd.

"You will be honest with me." Because, after all, if there was one person in the world – well, one woman in the world – that he could trust to be brutally honest, it was his sister. "Do I look proper? I mean, for a wedding?"

"There is not a girl in England who would not marry you now, Charles," she said, and for once, there wasn't a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "And I have seen Miss Bennet's dress. Quite stunning."

"Please allow me to be surprised."

"Of course, brother." She ran a line down his sleeve, and he took her hand. "My little brother, getting married."

They were not an affectionate family. At least, they had not been in years, since his sisters had entered society. He had vague recollections of being depressed at the prospect, because suddenly Louisa and then Caroline were all grown up and he was left to be the only child in the family for a few more years, perhaps the loneliest in his life. And then he went to Cambridge, and when he came home for his father's funeral, he was the man of the house, not the little brother, and one of his sisters was married and the other quite expecting to marry as soon as she found someone suitable. They still had their moments of treating them as their baby brother, five years Caroline's junior and seven to Louisa, but he Charles Bingley, master of Netherfield and their London estate, and he controlled their fortunes however graciously and unwittingly. The entire Bingley line rested on him, and for him to act like the senior member of the Bingleys, and he often felt some trepidation at the idea of the role. Only because Darcy had prodded him had he purchased a country estate, and only at his sister's prodding had he abandoned it, because he knew he could truly deny them nothing. And then Darcy's prodding again – about the only thing he did totally on his own was proposing to Jane, standing alone in the room there because Darcy had outright refused to accompany him on the return trip. She was right – he was the little brother, and he was getting married. Caroline was right.

Caroline was also crying. Her eyes were a little watery, the sort of thing she would deny and he would take care not to notice even when it began to smudge her makeup, but she was crying. He tugged at her hand. What was he supposed to say? _Yes, I'm getting married? To the family you despise? And sorry Darcy's unavailable?_ What was this about? No, he was being cruel. "I know," he said, being utterly without other words.

"Papa would be so proud," she said. She hadn't mentioned him in years. It was not a topic of conversation, and he was taken back. What would he be proud of? That he was marrying a country girl? That he had an estate and was finally going to continue the Bingley line? Not that he had put it off exceptionally long. He was just – it was hard to think of his father now, when there was so much else to deal with. Maybe he was a bad son, that he hadn't thought of his parents, looking down on him from heaven (and hopefully not seeing his reading material). "We are all proud of you, Charles."

On any other day, he would have doubted it, because it was Jane Bennet he was marrying, not Georgiana Darcy or some other person of relative station. Yes, they were civil to her, but first only in a joking manner, than in an awkward manner when the matter became very real, and he could not comprehend their true emotions. "Thank you, Caroline." But she had gone into full sob mode, something he had not seen even at their father's funeral, and he could only think to embrace her, as his manservant rushed to stuff a towel between the well-dressed Bingley and his sister's tears. "There's no need to be sad."

"I am not sad," she said, looking at up him. Another rare occurrence – she was taller than him, but he was very high up on a stand at the moment for the dressing. "Forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive."

"You are too kind. It is only fitting that you would find the kindest girl in the kingdom to be your bride," she said. "For all of our vexations, we only wanted to see you happy, Charles."

He could say with all truthfulness, even if his voice cracked when he said it, "I am _very_ happy, I assure you."

"I know." She pulled away, but only reluctantly. "Forgive me; I am ruining your wedding coat."

"Hardly." And because he could think of nothing better to do, and because he had the rare opportunity of being taller than her, he kissed her on her forehead. "I am grateful for all of your support."

She was still crying, but not as badly, as she curtseyed and smiled a weak good-bye smile before leaving the room, which was suddenly very empty. The servants had disappeared at the displays of sibling affection, and he felt alone.

But it was not to be for long. The door was left half-open, and Darcy did not even bother to knock. "What was that?"

"What?" Bingley said, being brought back to awareness. He realized that Darcy must have seen Caroline upset, though there was hardly enough time to have a conversation with her. "It was family, Darcy." He hoped that would be enough.

It seemed to be. Darcy, himself refusing to wear the bright blue and was wearing a more modest dark green, but still very formally attired, switched gears entirely. "I decided to relieve your staff of the liberty of reporting my condition to you when they are quite busy. I am perfectly fine now, thank you very much."

"Did you eat?"

"I had some tea. Must I tell you every detail?" Darcy didn't look truly annoyed – Bingley could tell he was just nervous. He paced the room, looking out the window. "I am sorry for keeping you up. I hope you are at least partially rested."

"I confess I was up some time after you retired." He swallowed. "Reading."

"Oh?" It seemed to take a minute to register with Darcy, which was a minute slower than it usually took. He was definitely preoccupied. "Yes. Well." He stopped short. "Can I borrow it for a moment?"

"What? Oh, yes, I suppose."

"Where – "

"Under the mattress," Bingley said, pointing to his bedroom.

Darcy bowed to him. "Thank you." And he quickly disappeared into Bingley's bedroom. Bingley himself was busy, as his manservant returned, removed the towel, and straightened his clothing once again. As long as no one else cried on his chest this morning, he would be quite all right, he decided. It was not a few moments before Darcy reappeared, flipping quickly through the book in question. "Just a moment."

"Looking something up?"

"We are not having this conversation." That was Darcy's way of telling him to shut up. "Oh yes, okay. Here we go." He did not enlighten Bingley as to what chapter he was reading, and when Bingley tried to peer over without getting off the stand, Darcy grunted and repositioned the book so its inner contents were quite out of site. Eventually he finished and slammed it shut. "I am in your debt." He then disappeared back into the adjoining bedroom, presumably to return it to its hiding place.

Bingley let out the giggle he had been withholding at Darcy's actions as soon as he was gone. He did not have long to revel in his solitude, however, for another servant appeared at the door. "A guest, sir. He asked to be unannounced."

"Unannounced?" Bingley said, but before he could inquire further, the guest in question sideswiped the servant on his way into the room.

It was George Wickham.

* * *

Bingley swallowed. "Mr. Wickham. I don't believe we've ever had the pleasure of being formally introduced – " 

"Of course." Mr. Wickham was all charm, and perhaps if Bingley had no idea as to who this man was, he would suppose to immediately like him, as he offered his hand. "George Wickham, at your service."

"Charles Bingley." Yes, truly, there was nothing that appeared displeasing about this man at all, but he did not doubt Darcy's account for one second. Darcy! "Perhaps this is not the best time –"

"I cannot think of a better one. I very much desire to meet my future brother, and of course to congratulate Darcy on his considerable 'catch.'"

"We are not fishing," Darcy said harshly, announcing his presence in the room as he entered from the bedchamber and leaned impatiently against the wall. "Or participating in any other sport, for that matter."

"And this is how you greet your future brother?" Wickham was all smiles. "At last, I suppose."

"You will remain my brother under Mrs. Wickham comes to her senses and kicks you out of Newcastle," Darcy answered coldly, even to Bingley's surprise. Even though there was no anger in his voice, that he was holding it back was visibly enough. "Excuse me, but this wedding costume is making me a bit heated." And with that, he opened the windows and looked out. "There, much better. Now, I assume you are here on some matter of business."

"Matter of business? On your wedding day? You can't be serious."

"And you are not going to make jest with me. You have some reason for being here."

"I was invited."

"_Lydia_ Wickham was invited, because the thing could not be prevented."

"And it would only be proper to invite both husband and wife to a wedding of relations," Wickham countered. "And of course, Darcy, you are a master of propriety, so surely you know that, and the lack of my name on the invitation was merely a printing error."

Truly, Wickham was a master at the art of conversation, at least in the area of inciting Mr. Darcy to levels of barely-controlled rage. His posture said nothing, but his eyes said everything. Bingley wanted very much to duck behind the dressing screen and let them have it out, even if this was his manor and they were both his guests.

"Now that we have dispensed with pleasantries," Darcy said, "I must inquire again as to your appearance. While I'm sure you are here to wish us well, the thing has been said, and so we must press on. Is there anything else on your mind, Wickham?"

"You are quite keen on reading me, Darcy. But I have only the noblest of intentions. My wife would like very much to visit Pemberley this spring, but for some reason, I am preventing from entering the grounds."

"How odd," Darcy said. "Well, _Mrs._ Wickham is welcome to visit Pemberley whenever our schedules are agreeable – but that is entirely Elizabeth's decision. I am sure you can fine some other amusement for yourself in her absence."

"Come now, Fitzers, we are finally brothers – "

Bingley raised his hand to shield himself from Darcy's rage, but Darcy's voice, after a pause in which undoubtedly numerous emotions were suppressed, was surprisingly light-hearted, "And I suppose as your younger brother, I must be the mischievous pest. And as the youngest of the three, Bingley must be my partner-in-crime, the impressionable young lad that he is. Right, Mr. Bingley?"

"Um ... yes." Bingley had no idea as to where this was going, but he was hardly going to contradict Darcy.

Darcy began to pace the room, circling Wickham. "For example, I could be an annoying brat of a younger brother, and for no reason whatsoever, hit you with this walking stick." And then, quite suddenly, he took Wickham's walking stick and smacked him in the back on the head, causing Wickham to double over. "Then, because the youngest brother inevitably follows his senior, Bingley could help me toss you out the window. Bingley?"

Bingley opened his mouth to put up a protest, but Darcy gave him a look that told him that resistance would be indefensible. And so, oddly enough, he helped Darcy heave Wickham out the window. They did not hear the cracking of bones, or even an audible thud, but it was not a long drop from the second story.

"Will he be all right?"

"Oh, yes," Darcy said as he closed the window. "The manure pile there surely broke his fall."

* * *

Before they made haste for the church, there was one more guest to greet. "She's arrived!" Georgiana practically screamed, running into her brother's arms as he came down the steps. "She made it after all!" 

"Who?" Bingley asked, following Darcy down. "I can't seem to keep track of my own guests."

"Something else must be on your mind," Darcy said. "I assume we are speaking of Lady Anne."

"Yes! I just saw her carriage over the bend. Oh, Mr. Bingley, you look wonderful!" Georgiana, as usual was all smiles. "She should be arriving now. Thank you for agreeing to host her if she is not well enough to travel home tonight."

"Of course. But I must see her in!" Bingley ran to the door, leaving Darcy with his sister.

"Oh, and of course, you are very handsome," Georgiana said. "But you already knew that."

"As you selected the costume, I cannot fault you by saying anything else," he said, as the doors opened and Charles escorted Lady Anne de Bourgh. She was not dressed in nearly as much black as she normally was, and Darcy had to admit to himself that she looked the best he had seen in years, even if her health was in obvious decline. "Lady de Bourgh," he said, bowing to her.

"Mr. Darcy," she said. "Thank you so much for the invitation."

"Thank my sister and her abilities of subterfuge." For they had sent a formal invitation to the Bourghs, knowing it would be refused. Another one was sent, quite inappropriately, to Anne alone, hidden in a letter from Georgiana. "You are looking quite well."

"We are so happy to have you here," Georgiana said. "I do hope you do not get in much trouble with our aunt."

"I am visiting you and that is not a lie. That it happens to be on Darcy's wedding day is of no consequence to me," Anne said. "Georgiana, if I may have a moment with your brother before the festivities begin."

"Of course." Georgiana curtseyed and Darcy took Anne's hand and led her into the drawing room. This was the closest he had been to Anne since his last visit to Rosings, the disaster that he did not wish to recall even when wrongs had been righted. "Please, sit. Shall I call for some tea?"

"I do not intend to hold you up for so long," Anne said. "But I would appreciate some, yes."

He called for some tea, and then shut the door behind the servant, taking a seat at the desk away from her. Despite the bizarre situation of the day – or what his aunt considered a bizarre situation – they were quite comfortable with each other. While she was hardly his confidant, they had a friendship over the years, and he was grateful for her kindness to Georgiana, who was often too shy to make friends easily. Well, he admitted to himself, neither of them made friends easily, but for entirely different reasons. "I _am_ honored that you chose to come against Aunt Catherine's wishes."

"She is not so harsh with me as she is with everyone else. Perhaps because she believes I will break."

But he knew that wasn't true. Anne was sickly, but inside, she was strong. She was, after all, a De Bourgh. She would make someone a fine wife, even if they had decided together long ago that it was not to be him. "How is Aunt Catherine? She did not see fit to respond to my invitation, even to refuse."

"As can only be expected."

"Of course. I am sorry for breaking her heart – or at least, her well-laid plans."

"If it was her heart or yours, let it be hers," she said. "Your heart has belonged to Miss Bennet for some time."

"Was I really that obvious?"

"You were practically stalking her at Rosings," she said with a sly smile. "Colonel Fitzwilliam said something to me about it. He asked me if there was a reason why you were so distant to me and everyone else for that trip."

"And what did you tell him?"

"I told him you have always been a mystery to me."

"But you had me figured the whole time."

"Of course. You were being perfectly readable. But Fitzwilliam is a man, Mr. Collins is a bit of a fool, and my mother ... has her blind spots. She was so busy disapproving of Miss Bennet that she did not notice you staring at her at every meal."

"I hardly think I was _staring_."

"Darcy," she said gently, "_You were staring_."

He decided to point out, "You mentioned nothing of this to me when we talked."

"Of course not. Falling horribly in love is hardly something a man will easily admit to." She smiled. "I do hope she is kind to you, because I know you will do whatever she says for the rest of your natural life."

"Now you are just insulting me," he said playfully.

"But I am not wrong."

"No. I will admit that much."

"Darcy," she said, "I do wish you the best of luck. Elizabeth is a wonderful woman."

"Truly." He rose, because he knew he had to be getting on, and when she offered her hand, he kissed it. This was the secret Anne, away from her mother, that he knew and loved – kind and clever.

But it was not she who appeared in his dreams at night.

...Next Chapter - The Altar


	9. The Altar

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

**Author's Note:** I don't know why you're all so eager for me to hurry up and finish this because there's only two chapters left after this, but I can't say no to my readers.

* * *

Chapter 9 – The Altar 

The morning of the wedding, Longbourn was in the appropriate uproar.

"I must inquire," Elizabeth said from her dressing stand, "that if it takes me no less than two hours and a seamstress to get this dress on, how I am supposed to ever get it off."

"Lizzy! You will have servants enough as Mrs. Darcy to do whatever you please!" Mrs. Bennet assured her from her couch. She was in such a state of nerves, she could hardly stand up without aid. "Ten thousand a year! And half of Derbyshire! I would like someday very much to see it."

"And you shall. Perhaps at Christmas?" She had not proposed the idea to Darcy, but she could not imagine that if there was to be a family gathering for the holidays, that it would not be at Pemberley – though perhaps minus the Wickhams. At least Lydia had had the decency to show up for the wedding without her husband. He was not invited, but Elizabeth knew that would hardly stop her from bringing him if she saw it fit.

No, she was being unfair to her sister. She was sixteen, had every right to be silly (though no right to be scandalous), and had actually been quite in repose since Jane's outburst. She had not endeavored to tell them any more secrets of intimacy, perhaps because they had both done their best to avoid being cornered by her. With all of the festivities, it was not overly difficult. Then there was Mr. Darcy's health, which had kept Elizabeth away at Netherfield for half of a very crucial day, even though he was obviously much recovered by the dinner. They had at least made it to the wedding day itself, and despite her mother's occasional dire predictions, no one had dropped dead yet.

"I cannot think," Mrs. Bennet fretted as she looked her daughter over, and Elizabeth decided not to make the obvious joke. "There must be something I must not have told you. Some advice I have not imparted – "

"Mama, please – I have quite enough advice to last me a lifetime. Oh, Jane!"

For Jane had entered, very carefully with the train that was following her. Elizabeth had no notion or care as to how she appeared to the world – her only concern was for Darcy, who seemed to love her even in the most misshapen of walking gowns – but Jane looked like an absolute angel, bathed in white, even without her veil on.

"Oh, Jane. My dear Jane." Apparently afraid to touch her gown, Mrs. Bennet ran to her oldest daughter and cupped her hands around her cheeks. "You are so beautiful. It is too much to part with you."

"Mama!" Jane said, worry in her face, mainly because it was obvious that Mrs. Bennet was beginning to cry. Though she had her fits, to see real tears of happiness was such a rare occasion that it was unsettling.

"But I know it must be so," Mrs. Bennet said, holding Jane's hand and turning to Elizabeth. "We are giving you both away to the best men in England and that should at least comfort me, yes?"

Elizabeth embraced her mother, but only after checking that there was nothing left in her dress to impale them both.

The silence was broken by the appearance of Mr. Bennet, poking his head up from the stairs. "I hate to interrupt all of this mysterious mourning on what is to be the happiest days of my favorite daughter's lives, but there is some matter of business at the church and I believe the vicar will look at me most unfavorably if we are late."

And with that, he disappeared back down the stairs, putting on his hat as he went. Mrs. Bennet removed herself from her daughters, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Of course, we must make haste. Your sisters are already downstairs, and the others have gone on ahead. Do you have all of your things? Wait, no matter, they can be sent for. We must not make your husbands wait!"

Somehow, seeing her return to normal state of worried impatience was relieving to them both. Mrs. Bennet followed her husband down the stairs, leaving the two sisters alone for what occurred to them would be the last time in months.

"So."

"So."

And they both giggled at the gravity at which they had said it.

"They are waiting for us, Lizzy."

"I know."

"Are you nervous?"

Elizabeth swallowed. "Perhaps I will concede to some natural trepidation."

"Well, then I will make the full concession. I did not eat anything this morning in fear that I would be ill. I will not deny that I am timid, but pray, this must be natural."

"I'm sure. Mr. Bingley has probably worn out the carpet at the church with his pacing."

Jane added, "And Mr. Darcy has focused so hard on suppressing all tension that he may well explode."

"Come then, let us get there before we get a stone husband and a bill from the church for a destroyed rug."

Their laughter seemed to carry them all the way down the stairs.

* * *

"I say, my daughters seem to be in some sort of a competition," Mr. Bennet said. "The first husband I must pay, the second I have no obligations to, and the third pays _me._ Kitty, if this pattern is to continue, I will consent to you marrying a man of no less than twenty thousand pounds a year. And Mary, nothing less than royalty will do. I perhaps will settle for Scottish royalty, but only if he truly loves you."

"Mr. Bennet!" was Mrs. Bennet's natural reaction, because she had an uncanny ability to fail to recognize when he was joking. In this area, everyone else was not lacking, and there was a good deal of giggling about among the three sisters while the carriages were prepared. "You will never cease in your attempts in incite my nerves!"

"At this point, it would be reprehensible of me to do so," he said. "But here come the brides."

After much hemming and hawing on the part of the tearful servants, Jane and Elizabeth had finally made it out of Longbourn, at least as far as the carriages.

"Oh, Mr. Bennet!" Mrs. Bennet cried again, and this time quite literally fell sideways into his arms. He did not impede this at all, putting an arm around her as she wept.

"There, there, dear," he said. "I fear you must keep your promise to me and allow me to ride with Jane and Lizzy in their carriage, because if you accompany them instead, they will arrive thoroughly soaked and their husbands will toss them out on the doorstop." But before she could put up some response to his, he kissed her on her forehead, and beckoned his relatively shocked daughters into the carriage.

In the first carriage went Jane, Elizabeth, and their father. Their mother and sisters followed in the remaining ones. "You must forgive your mother," he said without reservation. "Despite all of this talk of marriage, there was a time when it was very hard for either of us to imagine that we would have to give you up. I believe the period began with Jane's birth and lasted until a few years before you all entered society."

So removed from it were they, neither sister could imagine being infants to a young Mrs. Bennet. "I imagine she was just as nervous for a whole different set of reasons," Elizabeth ventured.

"No, she was quite the composed mother. It was I who acted abominably." Since he was facing them, it was impossible not to catch their shocked looks. "Very well. I was hoping to escape this, but it seems I must now tell a story from my own past which brings me much embarrassment, especially because it way well happen to your husbands. Jane, when you were born, I remember quite vividly sitting in my study with Mr. Gardiner, awaiting the announcement of a child. You may find me a reserved man now, but on that particular day, I was terrified of so many things that I was out of sorts. While Mr. Gardiner did his best to comfort me during your mother's travails, you know very well that shouting carries very well through Longbourn's walls.

"Anyway, when I heard a baby crying, I decided I could wait no longer and left my refuge and raced up the stairs. The nurse, quite unprepared for this improprietous rampage, greeted me with you, Jane, in a bundle in her arms. I then did what any man completely ill-prepared for the position of fatherhood did – I passed out completely. Head right on the floor."

The lighthearted way he said it made it seem quite like a cheerful story, and they both giggled, which seemed to aid his telling. "But that, sadly, is not the end of the matter. While I was not injured, it took some time to rouse me, and Mrs. Bennet heard of it immediately and would not let me hold you for several weeks unless I was sitting down. So upon her second confinement, I had Mr. Gardiner standing right beside me when I was presented with you, Lizzy, even though I insisted that I would be all right. I was of course not all right, and this time around, he caught me. It was not until Kitty was born that I finally took your mother's good advice and received her sitting down."

"Papa, I cannot imagine it," Elizabeth said at last.

"Then find some time when your mother is cross at me, and I have no doubt that she will tell you the whole story in great detail. Or Mr. Gardiner, if he is in a particularly gossipy mood. But it is the honest truth that women are far more prepared then men for parenthood, if I am any judge." He sighed happily. "There. That is all the wisdom I have to impart: If you are to have children, do make sure the servants have your husbands sitting down."

* * *

While last minute arrangements were made in the church, the two grooms were sent for a moment of reflection with the vicar in his study. After instructing them on their marital duties in a very formal and churchly (and boring) way, he excused himself, leaving them to fret until they were called to take their places. Darcy immediately took a seat and poured himself some tea. "Do not inquire as to my health. I am tired of it. I merely want some tea, as I think it would be better than eating at this juncture."

"Yes," Bingley said, and after looking briefly at the small religious paintings on the walls of the study, began to pace.

Darcy merely opened his hand, as if asking for a coin. "Your hat."

"What?"

"I will not see you destroy it. Now give it over."

Bingley frowned indignantly, but he did hand Darcy his hat. "I am just nervous. My stomach feels like it is full of butterflies."

"If you wish to expel the contents of your stomach," Darcy offered, "I can tell you what Mr. Hurst told me about your sister last night. That should do the trick."

"Louisa? What did – " And it struck him like a lightening bolt. "No! Do not even start! I do not wish to know!" He put his hands over his ears. "See? I am not listening to you any longer."

"You are so nervous you cannot take a joke. How odd," Darcy said. "I would never repeat the contents of that vile conversation."

"And you are not nervous. How do you do it, Darcy? Tell me your secret."

"It is very simple. I am too terrified to be nervous. One emotion overrides the other."

"Well, I don't see how – You? Terrified?" Charles stopped pacing for a moment. "Darcy of Pemberley, who pushed his new brother out a window this morning?"

"Not without an admirable second. And that's the least of what I've done to him over the years. Or what he's done to me." Darcy took a sip of the tea that had been set out for him. "We are true siblings then, I suppose."

"You will not ignore my question."

Darcy hesitated before answering, as if he needed to chew on his words a bit first. "Bingley, I assume you are aware that I am marrying perhaps one of the cleverest, most headstrong, and most independent girls in England. That coupled with the fact that I am completely surrendered to her means that I know very well I will be doing her bidding for the rest of my life with no complaints. Is that not a daunting prospect?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You are a perfect match because you are stubborn as she is."

Darcy merely grunted subtly in reply; he was either too uncomfortable with making his feelings so obvious or he was unwilling to admit conversational defeat. Bingley was not a fool; the inscrutable Darcy was deeply in love, and Elizabeth quite unwittingly had him wrapped around her finger, and Bingley doubted she would be so unwitting for long. Not that he did not feel the same way about Jane himself, but their countenances were different, if similarly matching. He could not imagine ever even raising an objection with Jane in the room, and yet Darcy and Elizabeth had been trading quiet insults since the first ball – that true affection had been born of this strife had surprised everyone.

"Miss Elizabeth is one of the most agreeable girls I have ever met," Bingley said at last. "And I have no doubt that all of your worries are just nerves. Perhaps she has the same."

"And would you venture to suppose that Miss Bennet is thinking the same right now?"

"No, I -," but he couldn't finish the sentence. What if Jane was having second thoughts? Oh, cruel Darcy! Bingley usually knew better than to get in a battle of wits with him. "Are you trying to make me nervous? Or suppose, _more_ nervous?"

"I must admit it did distract me from my own for a moment," Darcy said with a grin. "You will forgive me. If we must talk, let us talk of something more pleasant. Why don't you pick a topic?"

"Fine," Bingley said, regaining his ground. Now he wanted the edge on Darcy. "So, by some happenstance, I had the pleasure of finally telling_ someone_ the 'Fitzers' story that you have had me keep secret for so long."

"Now you mean to terrify me! Who was it? Oh, of course, it must have been Jane." He took a sip of his tea as if it was some kind of consoling spirit. "And she probably immediately told her sister. My reputation is ruined, depending on which one you told."

"There is more than one?"

This gave Darcy pause. "There are a number of them, all involving me and Wickham, except for the one you were present for. So I assume it must have been the Cambridge incident, wholly unrelated to my new relation." His eyes widened. "Good heavens, you didn't tell her the part about my passing out?"

"She found it quite amusing. Though perhaps this would averted if you were not so secretive as to why you will allow no one to call you anything but Darcy."

"Perhaps. Well, Elizabeth can call me whatever she pleases," Darcy admitted rather suddenly.

"Provided it is not 'Mr. Wickham!'"

The smoldering rage on Darcy's face was apparent. "Now you are just _trying_ to torment me."

"Only because you were doing the same a few moments ago! And making me throw a guest out a window!"

"Fine, I will play this game. Perhaps you are aware, or not aware, that women can become a bit ... out of sorts – at the time of their affliction."

"What, during the confinement? Yes, I imagine so!"

Darcy laughed. "Seriously, Bingley. You grew up with sisters. You cannot be completely unawares of the female affliction."

"No, no! You must tell me!"

But this was too much for Darcy. He was bent over, laughing, and there was some time before he could recover himself, enough time to make Bingley nervous that the festivities would start and he would never learn this awful truth about women before he married one. "Darcy!"

"Fine, fine. But I won't speak it so loud in a church. Come here." And he bid Bingley closer, and whispered in his ear, apparently getting much delight at watching Bingley turn several shades of red.

"No, that can't be true! Darcy, that's horrible! You are just making things up now!"

But Darcy set his tea cup down and replied very calmly, "And when have you ever known me to tell anything but the absolute truth?"

"I can't imagine – how could I – why would that even be a part of – agh! You are trying to vex me! You are doing this intentionally!"

"Quite right, Bingley." He raised his cup again. "Cheers."

Bingley had more to say, but was interrupted by Colonel Fitzwilliam entering the vicar's study. He did not get a word out before Bingley pointed directly and rudely at Darcy and said, "He is trying to irritate me! On my wedding day!"

The colonel did a double take, looking at the quivering, accusatory Bingley and the smug Darcy in his chair. "Perhaps leaving you two alone was not the best idea on this day."

"Perhaps," Darcy said, attempting to return to his usual demeanor.

"Well, the carriages have been spotted, so it is perhaps time for you to take your places, assuming there will be no wild escapes."

"Oh no," Darcy said. "Enough people have gone out the window today. Lead on, Fitzwilliam."

Thankfully, his cousin did not ask for an explanation for that particular comment.

* * *

By the time they arrived at the church, preparations were in their final stages, the girls were ushered into a waiting room with their immediate family before they took their places.

Mary, to their great surprise, provided them with two silver crosses on chains. Where she must have picked them up and to what expense was a mystery. "You don't have to wear them. Just keep them along with you."

"Of course," Jane said, and they kissed her.

Kitty gave them both beautiful purple ribbons. "All the fashion in Paris I heard," she said, her usual giggling manner somewhat subdued.

It was Lydia, though, who appeared before them and shamelessly said, "It was my gift to you both that I didn't bring Wickham."

The humor in her voice was obvious; perhaps she was not the dunderhead they assumed her to be, and they both lovingly embraced her before she left the small room.

"My dears, my dears," their mother said nervously. "Oh, there is so much to say now, and so little time to say it. Always be good to your husbands, and be careful never to irritate them with your fits."

"Wise advice," said Mr. Bennet.

"And if they ever do make some quiet comments at your expense, it will suit your marriage to pretend that you do not hear," she replied. She gave Mr. Bennet no time for a response before kissing both her daughters on the cheek and leaving them alone with Mr. Bennet.

"Having been quite outdone," he said, "I fear I have nothing more to say."

Fortunately for him, the music started.

* * *

"Three daughters married!" Mrs. Bennet said, but her exclamation was in a hushed tone as Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley took their places.

"I fear we must find another match as quickly as possible, because she will need something new to say," Mr. Gardiner whispered to his wife in Mr. Bennet's absence.

In response, she swatted him playfully with her sizable decorative fan. "I am so _very_ glad we visited the grounds of Pemberley."

"Yes, the fishing was quite exquisite."

She smacked him again with a giggle. "You know what I mean."

"If only we could claim we were witting in our plans to bring Lizzy to Derbyshire, and then we would have even more right to drop in unannounced when the weather is particularly good and they have just stocked the lake."

"I think our niece will be a very gracious hostess."

"Maybe she will even have us," Charlotte said to her husband, patting him on his forearm.

"If Lady Catherine discovers we attended – "

Anne, who was in the row behind him, stood up and coughed, "What is this about Lady Catherine?"

"Lady Anne!" A very flummoxed Mr. Collins found the church pews did not give him proper room to turn around and bow. "I – I had no idea – "

"Shhh, darling," Charlotte shushed him. "The music is starting."

Up at the altar, Darcy and Bingley turned to the aisle, where their brides would be appearing momentarily. "Any last words?" Bingley whispered.

"Chapter fifteen."

"What – Darcy! We're in a church!"

"I was of course discussing the book of Leviticus. I don't know why _your_ mind is so filthy these days, Bingley."

"That's _your_ fault!"

"You asked for my advice and you have it. Chapter fifteen."

Bingley swallowed, but then the doors to the cathedral opened, and all conversation ceased.

* * *

The day Mr. Bennet gave always his two eldest and most beloved daughters was a beautiful spring day. The sun was bright and shining when they left the church and returned to Netherfield for the wedding feast, which was more for the guests than the new couples, who were very eager to be off to Town. Darcy and Elizabeth were taking an evening before going north to Pemberley, and Bingley and Jane had decided that Netherfield was a bit too crowded for their tastes at this juncture and the Bingley townhouse in London would do just fine. The Darcys made their escape quicker than the Bingleys, as they were not the hosts, and the Bennets saw them off.

"Oh Mr. Bennet," his wife said, not in a shriek but in a melancholy. "Our house will seem so empty."

"Indeed. Mrs. Bennet, I've given this matter much thought, and decided that if Kitty and Mary do not do their fair share, we will have to have some more daughters to liven up the place."

"How can you talk such rubbish?" she said, but she was not at all mean. In fact, she was sort of smiling, in a sad way. "At your age, you could hardly take another fall, and we cannot always rely on Mr. Gardiner to catch you when you pass out!"

...Next Chapter: The Longest Night  
_  
_

_If anyone's wondering, the Kama Sutra does not have a chapter fifteen, as it is divided up into sub-sections. I am merely assuming that the non-existent early translation Darcy has a copy of was re-numbered. _


	10. The Longest Night

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

**Author's Notes: **I'm sorry this story can't go on forever, but I have a very specific plotline (pre-wedding jitters and post-wedding revelations) and I'm going to stick to it, and end it when the plot is over. By request, I have stretched it out quite a bit, so there are about 2-3 more chapters. The updates might slow down a bit because of Passover; sorry, guys.

* * *

Chapter 10 – The Longest Night

"Dearest Elizabeth," Darcy said as he took hold of her arms. "You are the love of my life, and I never wish to be parted from you again. I have been looking forward to this day since I first laid eyes upon you. And yet, I must tear myself away from those lovely eyes for a brief moment because I fear that I will die very shortly if I do not _eat something_."

Elizabeth decided that this was a perfectly logical explanation. In fact, the passion with which he said it was outright amusing. He had had every opportunity to consume something at the festivities, but they both had their minds on the solitary idea of getting out of there as soon as possible, with no love lost to their relatives. In Darcy's London estate, which was vacant except for the servants absolutely necessary for their night's stay, they had what they had only had a few minutes of in Bingley's closet yesterday – privacy. And without speaking, they both knew what the other was thinking – that it was worth its weight in gold.

The few servants available were asked to cook up – to quote the noble and upstanding Mr. Darcy of Pemberley – "whatever is around." He gave Elizabeth a kiss, and let her be led to her dressing chamber, to finally escape the very complex dress and its hazard of a long train. She was quite unaware of what the protocol was now – was she just supposed to lay and wait for him? But her stomach made its own decision, for she had eaten little since the night before, and she shoed away the attendants and dressed herself in a pretty but simple frock – she supposed he would like it all the same, now that he had no choice in the matter – and returned to the dining room to find a dish of mutton waiting for her across from him. She did not any further enticement to devour it whole, and anything else that was quickly put in front of her.

By the time they were both finished and tea was served, their impromptu feast had cost them most of their energy and they were left languishing in their respective chairs, quite unwilling to be anything but upright at the moment, basking in an easy and satiated silence.

It was only then that she noticed Darcy had stripped himself of most of his wedding custom, and was down to his shirt and breeches. He did look very fetching, but she felt odd, saying it. "I must confess, Mr. Darcy ..."

He looked up at '_Mr_. Darcy.' "You thought I was going to pounce on top of you like a feral cat when we entered the apartment?"

There was the significant temptation to wrinkle her nose, because Darcy's laid-back composure was positively unnerving compared to the pillar of respectability he had been throughout the wedding – minus some very loving and almost sultry glances during the ceremony. But she decided instead to treat it in jest, because he seemed so inclined. Perhaps this was his true nature, behind the curtain of propriety that he so readily hid in open society. "...Yes, I suppose."

"Then I have disappointed you and I should never be forgiven. That, or I have greatly relieved you and should be forever looked on with great respect." The table was meant for two, and not very long, and he sat straight up enough to reach over and put his hand over hers. His touch had a tingling sensation, perking her up just a bit. "Some things deserve just the right ... planning."

"Which involves a full stomach."

"Apparently. I confess that you have driven me to such distraction over the last few days that I have lost whatever I attempted to ingest."

"That and your wild stag party last night."

"If you would call being cornered by Mr. Collins and Mr. Hurst a wild stag party, then you are much mistaken about the affairs of men," he said, and kissed her knuckles, "my dear Lizzy."

"So there was no drunken debauchery?"

"There was some drunkenness, and tales of debauchery that came from men from whom I have never desired to know their intimate secrets, however keen they were on telling them. Then your father called us out and saved both of us, I lost my stomach many times, and went to sleep. There, you now have the full account of my wild stag night, minus the spoken details that I never want to think of again in my life."

Elizabeth laughed. "How ridiculous! All I had was a pillow fight with my sister."

"Then in some respect, this 'women's lot' that I hear so much of is not so terrible."

"You are omitting a few things from a women's lot, Darcy."

"Oh yes. There is also having to endure the total devotion of your husband, to be the mistress of a great estate, and to drive me insane trying to satisfy your every unconscious want and need."

"And to produce an heir," she could not help but mentioning.

"Lizzy," he said, and his eyes were quite honest. "If it was just you and me until the day we died, I would be the most satisfied and complete man in England."

"Truly?"

"Truly."

She did not know the protocol. She went to her own toilette and put on the night gown, but the servants had mysterious disappeared from sight, perhaps partially because she had shooed them away earlier, so unaccustomed as she was to being so intended. Being unlaced by someone else was helpful, but beyond that, she was uncomfortable in such luxury.

In actuality, she was uncomfortable about a lot of things, but she was not terrified. He had not, as he so eloquently put it, leapt on her like a feral cat. In the washroom she had to smirk at the phrase. He certainly had a way with words, whether he meant to insult or to reassure. Still, he hadn't said he wasn't _about_ to jump her.

Not that that was so daunting prospect. However brief it had been, their closeted kisses the night before had incited her to the idea that perhaps the more amorous accounts of marital rites were not so far gone. So now whatever fears she had were mixed with a perceptible anticipation ... but not of the bad sort.

When she emerged into what was to be their bedroom, at least in the London estate, he was still dressed, perhaps not to terrify her. "Elizabeth ..." was all he said as he kissed her. He tasted a bit of brandy.

"You drank?"

"It was that or the mutton taste. Which would you prefer? It was merely a mouthwash," he said. "And I will now tell you a dark secret, if you wish."

"Yes, I wish to know all of your dark secrets, _Mr._ Darcy." She said the last bit mainly because she knew it made him turn his head. They sat down on the bed, casually, like old friends, even if they were anything but.

"Very well," he said. "I am, it seems, a cheap drunk."

"A man of your countenance?"

"Yes. Being formal and daunting has nothing to do with susceptibility to intoxication. And it has caused me no end of troubles."

"So you are saying," she said, as she took his hands in hers, "that if I ever wish to take you down off your high horse – which you may, I will venture to say, dear husband, occasionally be on – I merely need to spike your usual wine with something stronger."

"Precisely. You now know my weakness. Let us leave it at that."

"We certainly shall not! I must hear at least one story of your drunken escapades, if you can find one becoming enough."

"Or if I can _remember_ one becoming enough," Darcy said, frowning in the candlelight. "I suppose your sister told you the one about the dual in the tavern."

"She did, just this morning."

"Am I to have no secrets, then?"

"Of course you are. But we were not married just _then_," she said with a smile. "Now you may tell me all you want in confidence, and I will not tell my sister, and she may tell me all she wants in confidence, I will not tell you. That seems only fair. And you may have your own confidences with Mr. Bingley."

"I am not a gossip with Bingley," he said. "You surely realize that. Everything untoward he knows of me was something he was present for."

"So you have no confidante."

"I have you, Lizzy."

"Then tell me something confidential."

He laughed. This was not the Darcy she met at the Meryton Assembly, so haughty and of ill-demeanor. It had taken her months – nearly a year – to learn that this was his public face, one that was required of him, like a mask that he retreated behind because of his insecurities. Yes, it was cruel to think of her husband has having insecurities, but he had openly admitted it to her at Rosings, even if she did not understand it with proper gravity at the time. And yet here they were, and he was completely at ease and not hidden behind a social mask, and the real person that was Fitzwilliam Darcy was quite happy and charming. "Hmm. I suppose I should tell the story of my sister's piano forte."

"The one you bought for her?"

"Yes, precisely that one. How it came about that I felt she needed a new, nicer piano when Pemberley had a number of perfectly good ones has everything to do with my making a fool of myself and attempting to cover it up."

She found herself stroking his arms as she begged him, "Then you must tell me."

"I must, though there is some sadness in the tale, as it happened right after the incident at Kent in which you told me some things that I needed to hear."

"You mean, I soundly and cruelly rejected you?"

"Yes, precisely. So, as you know, I left Rosings and went home to Pemberley almost immediately, where I stayed for several months despite pressing business in Town. On the first morning home, I did what any man would do after being rejected by the loveliest woman in the entire world. That is to say, I drank a fine single malt Scotch straight from the bottle to the point where the room was spinning. My plan was to remain locked in my study all day, wallowing in self-pity, but it was about then that Georgiana heard of my sudden arrival and burst into the room, wanting to know all of the particulars of my visit to Rosings. As you may know, she is a great friend of Anne, if from a distance and mainly by letter. I barely had time to hide the bottle under my desk, but there was no way I could have a coherent conversation with her at that moment and disguise my inebriation. Eventually, I devised a plan, which was to beg her to play piano for me, as I was tired from the journey and much desired to hear it. She was of course very willing, and went straight ahead to play what I assume was a very beautiful piece of music."

"You assume?"

Darcy nodded. "I did what any drunken fool would do when in a very comfortable chair and with wonderful music playing – I feel asleep during the fourth or fifth bar. She did not notice this for some time, apparently, and her attendant later told me she played the whole piece before turning to ask what I thought and finding me out cold. Being the dear sister that she is, she did not disturb me at all, and when I awoke several hours later with a blinding headache, I found a blanket draped over me. She never demanded an explanation, but over dinner I did my best to reassure her that I was just very, very tired and that her playing was very lovely indeed. And even though she seemed to accept this as an answer, I felt so guilty that I immediately began my research to find her the best piano forte I could acquire to assure her of her musical talent." He added, "And that must be a secret between husband and wife."

"Surely," she said, and kissed him. "But that cannot be your only secret."

"I do not have the sordid past you may be imagining," he said. "All I have to my credit are a few cases of inebriation that led to untoward behavior and some duels with Wickham that were hardly verbal."

"But you are a far more disreputable character than a simple country girl. I have nothing to compare. But you still haven't told me of your trip to Town."

He rolled his eyes playfully. "And I did promise, didn't I? I needed to procure a certain book."

"That's it? A book?"

"Well, not the kind of book you would find in your father's library, Lizzy. It was more of a ... reference book."

"On?"

"No, no." He put a finger to her lips. "I promised to _show_ you, not tell you."

She was about to put up some kind of objection to this, because what he said made very little sense on a logical level, but he kissed her in the sort of way that was not a quick peck that could be easily interrupted, nor did she desire for it to be interrupted.

Fortunately, for all of her worries, the wedding gown was long discarded and the nightgown was quite easily removed. Was this the way it was all supposed to work?

Elizabeth decided she was quite eager to find out.

* * *

The sun was rising in London, and the servants at the Bingley townhouse were beginning to rise for their morning chores, unawares that they were the only ones in the house that had any significant amount of sleep. The morning light was creeping in through the shades, leaving little lines on the bed as Bingley finally fell into an exhausted doze. Jane was beside him, her head nestled on his shoulder, trying to remember what she was going to say and if it worth disturbing him, but she was finding herself a bit muddled in the head herself. Something about the servants? Breakfast? Opening the curtains? Was there some formality of wealth that was going to interrupt them to announce a new morning? Yes, something like that, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. Instead she stroked his auburn hair, considerably more mussed than it usually was - which for Charles Bingley, was saying quite a lot. He had that dashing young "I am so exciting, my hair is trying to escape from my head and it is a hopeless cause" unintentional style that was so adorable. Maybe it was his wild but hidden Irish heritage that no good English family would admit to. Either way, his hair was very soft and she was very content to ruffle it further as she drifted into her own half-sleep, still very aware of her position but very content not to move from it.

"Are they going to wake us for breakfast?" she finally asked, breaking a considerable silence.

Bingley, facing away from her, didn't seem to mind, his voice blissfully relaxed. "Only if they can pick the lock on the door."

Somehow, she still had the energy to giggle, and he had the energy to join her in this new endeavor. He flipped over, apparently to face her, at least partially awake, or unwilling to drift off entirely at this moment. This consensus was reached without words, even though they were both quite exhausted, and barely capable of doing anything other than holding hands.

"I do not believe I have ever been so happy," Jane said. "The day of your proposal will now have to be regulated to second place."

"I, the same," Bingley said. "Third would be the Meryton Assembly."

"Truly?"

"Truly, my love."

"It was not marred by your sister's and Darcy's glowering looks all night?"

"I do not remember a single other thing about that night," he said. "Except that Darcy refused to dance, insolent man that he was. And remember, she is your sister now."

"So now I have _seven _sisters. Oh dear, this will be confusing."

"And when the rest of _them_ marry – "

She covered her mouth, but she was giggling. "Charles, don't!"

"Very well, I will torment you no longer. I am sure Pemberley at Christmas will hold us all." He kissed her, which was meant to be an affectionate peck, but quickly turned into something more.

"Charles," Jane said when they finally broke apart, at least for the necessities of breathing. "I have to confess a very naughty thought to you."

"Then I must confess that I am in great anticipation to hear it," he said, but his cheeks started to match his hair.

"I assume, of course – or I _did _assume – that you came into this marriage with only the purest, loveliest innocence. However, considering – "

"Yes, that third thing was a little odd. I don't even know if it has a name."

"Considering," she said, also blushing now and trying to stay composed, "that I have heard such differing tales of marital rites, but none of them have quite been on the level of – "

"Jane, I assure you, at this time yesterday, I was as pure as snow. That said, I am a very well-read man when I care to be."

She raised an eyebrow as if not completely convinced.

"What I mean to say is -," but he didn't want to say what he wanted to say. Instead, he laughed. "It is too embarrassing."

"Charles, we are husband and wife in basically every possible way at this exact moment. There is nothing that is too embarrassing that I can imagine."

"I will not fault your imagination, because I could never bring myself to fault anything in you," he said, "but uhm ... well, there is this book – "

"Surely not!"

"I was as surprised as you were when it was given to me as a gift, but apparently it is available by import."

"A gift? Pray, by whom?"

He considered his answer before giving it in an answer. "Must you ask?"

Jane erupted in a fit of giggles, which he was quite content to let pass, as it prevented him from having to answer any more awkward questions. Finally she said, "Does Lizzy know?"

"This is something that I will never inquire of her."

"An excellent idea."

They fell into another silence, punctuated only by the early morning sounds of London coming to life. Jane, again, broke it with her announcement. "I must see this book."

"Oh no!" It was not a refusal as much as a cry of unfair. "'Tis ungentlemanly for me even to own it."

"Conveniently, I am not a gentlemen. And I will insist."

"If -," But he turned, and looked at his wife's beautiful face. "You have me at your mercy. Surely you realize that. Now you are taking advantage of it."

"The book, Charles."

Bingley grunted nervously and turned back over, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Jane stroked his bare back as he reached under the bed and retrieved the book stashed beneath his blue top hat and several other books, one of them a bible. He passed it over his shoulder before climbing back into the bed and under the considerable covers.

"My heavens," Jane said as she opened the innocent-looking cover. "Where did you get such a book?"

"I have already told you."

"I mean, where would such a book originate?" She added, "Are these people human or monster?"

"It is from India, and that is their style of drawing. This much I do know from my illustrious Cambridge education, though the nature of the drawings in the book there were more concerning local religious figures."

"It is very unrealistic."

"Yes. But nonetheless, very instructive."

Jane leaned over and kissed him. "I have no complaints."

But she did not return the book. Instead, she put it on the dresser on her side of the bed.

... Next Chapter: The Nickname


	11. The Nickname

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

* * *

Chapter 11 – The Nickname

The carriage driver of Mr. Darcy of Pemberley and Derbyshire was not accustomed to waiting. It was not that he was a particularly impatient man, but years of conditioning had taught him that Mr. Darcy valued promptness and never once made his servants wait when an appearance time was set. Therefore he could hardly believe it when Mr. Darcy's manservant came down and said that they would be delayed a day. In fact, he didn't believe it until Mr. Darcy appeared himself, all prim and proper, to explain himself. "Well, you know ..." then he trailed off very uncharacteristically, and went back into the apartment. He was told by the servants to report back the next day at the same time, thank you very much, and when it was quietly explained to him that there was a Mrs. Darcy also in residence, he nodded with complete comprehension.

Back in the confines of his bedchamber, Darcy quiet hastily shed all of the complex layers of wool that he had put on just to step outside. The whole process was ridiculously long even with his manservant's help on one end and Elizabeth's help on the other, a notion she found very amusing. "Just to speak to the driver?"

"I will not appear in public as a rogue."

"Yes, because you would look quite villainous without the proper knot on your cravat."

"What would Town think of me then?" he said with a smile, finally willing to laugh at his own ridiculousness. "I will not stand for it. The Darcy honor is too great."

"Not great enough to regulate your behavior to your wife."

"And how else am I supposed to behave in front of a wife?" he said, then frowned.

"Darcy, what is it?"

"Now I have the terrible image in my head of my mother and father rolling around on the bed, to be blunt about it."

Elizabeth laid across their wide bed as he knelt on it in front of her. "Well, considering the evidence of the existence of both you and Georgiana ..."

"And considering the existence of your _four_ siblings, your parents must have been very adventurous indeed."

She covered her mouth. "Darcy, now you've done it to me!"

He gave her that innocent look, that of course meant it was anything but innocent. "I was merely stating the obvious."

"Sometimes the obvious does not need to be stated! Now it will not leave my mind."

"Hmm." Darcy smiled, and leaned over her. "I will have to distract you, then." As he kissed her, she tugged his undershirt off, and was indeed very distracted. There would be no trip to Pemberley today, they had decided. An eight hour ride was a very daunting prospect when things were perfectly lovely here in Town. Not that she would be without entertainment on the road, as she had a whole number of things to wring from her husband's mind, but some things just couldn't be done in a carriage.

She was right about one pre-marital conception – that the events would leave her quite exhausted. _Which_ events would leave her most exhausted she was mistaken about, but they did spend much of the next day, when not otherwise engaged, sleeping soundly in each other's arms. Trays of food were left at the door, and eventually they decided to make a ragged appearance at the dinner table, which required leaving the bedchamber for the first time in nearly a day. Even on short notice the servants had a sizable (and this time, more presentable) meal prepared, but there was no formality to the dinner whatsoever beyond what the servants were wearing, wigs and all.

"Darcy, we look more like two ruffians who have broken in and taken our leisure of this wealthy man's apartment," she stated when the servants had stepped out. As amused as she was, it was still downright bizarre.

"If it would suit you, my dear, I would put on all four layers of waistcoat and dress myself up for a royal ball," he offered, "but then I would have to spend quite some time taking it all off again."

Quite right.

They retired as early as they could manage on full stomachs. She had never seen Darcy quite like this, though she had hints of it during after his second proposal, and that night at Netherfield. She decided that if this was what the illustrious Darcy of Pemberley was like in private, she soundly approved. No wonder his sister was so ready in her expressions of sibling affection. She wondered if anyone else had ever seen this side of him – perhaps his servants, but she doubted it. Bingley was an unlikely candidate, but honestly, he was the furthest thing from her mind at the moment.

"What are you giggling at?"

"That you are so different in the ways you present yourself, Darcy," she said. "So I should call you Darcy like everyone else?"

"You may call me whatever you please," he said. "Though I would prefer whatever nickname you invent to display some affection and not be a formality like _Mr._ Darcy."

"'Of Pemberley and Derbyshire.' Yes, suppose I were to call you that, every single time, like I am constantly announcing you."

"You would tire of it quickly, I am sure," he said as he tickled her on the bed. "What bothers you so about Darcy?"

"Nothing. I am merely curious as to the range I am to be allowed. I hear many stories about how you are a great lover of your baptismal name."

"_Many_ stories? I know you know but one."

"Unless Bingley has spread that one around considerably, there must be another, because I have never heard anyone call you by it."

"I think it is more people are following in other's footsteps on the matter."

"I confess, I do not entirely believe you."

He was trying to hold out, she could tell. But she tapped him on his chest with her feet and between that and her smile, it seemed to be enough to drag him out of whatever closed stance he was trying to enter into. "Fine. I will tell you the whole story, though it does not reflect well on either person chiefly involved."

"I will forgive you in advance and assume the other person is Wickham."

"You know me too well." He kissed her foot, the closest available body part. "Once upon a time, I was a very small boy who could not pronounce his own name."

"Really?"

"I was two, Elizabeth! I do not even remember it, but you can confirm it with Mrs. Reynolds if you wish. Apparently I found the 'z' particularly perplexing, and went about calling myself 'Fissers' until my tongue was old enough to do otherwise."

"And what did you call Colonel Fitzwilliam?"

"What, do you think they dressed him in a uniform and bought him a commission when he was six? I called him Richard. But that is not the point. To my father and mother I was Fitzwilliam, to everyone else I was 'Master Darcy,' and to Wickham I was Fitz. I did not care for it very much I think Richard may have picked up on it, because he started calling me Darcy, and I decided at some point that I liked it much better. Eventually Wickham gave in, and the matter was dropped. Or so I thought."

The Darcy she knew was brief, honest, and to-the-point. This Darcy laid back on his own pillow and paused for some drama, amused at his own telling even if he did not care for the contents. Only her curling up to his side would convince him to resume his narrative. "Now we come to the part when I was in Cambridge, and Wickham's true colors began to show. There were hints beforehand, and we were always rivals on some level, but in the area of women, I usually allowed him to soundly beat me, as I was younger than him _and_ did not think his actions proper at all. But there was a girl – I do not remember her name, or even if I ever knew her name, but we met in a tavern Wickham insisted on dragging me to after he decided I had been 'studying quite too much.' I will fully admit now, I suppose, that I had some mild attraction to this woman. There was something in her eyes ... Well, I am much endeared to attractive eyes." He looked into hers, just in case she didn't get the message. "This was, I believe, the first time I was seriously pursuing someone in front of Wickham, at least in terms of seeking her conversation and goodwill. And so he decided to usurp me by approaching me while I was sitting quite alone with her – Sarah was her name, that was it – and he called me 'Fitzers.' This brought great amusement to her and no amusement to me, so he decided to tell the whole story about my infant tongue. He even went as far as to say that I secretly loved when women addressed me as such, knowing full well that I hadn't heard the name in years and it was likely that nothing was farther than the truth. In other words, he completely ruined my chances, because I immediately lost my temper, which was his intention all the time by proceeding to flirt with her while discussing _me_."

"If I may interject," Elizabeth said, "I have to say that I am very glad that he was successful in tearing you away from her."

He did smile at that. "This was not so romantic. Remember, I was but ten and eight at this time. I cannot even recall properly now what she looked like. Anyway, I did what I suppose any uncouth, jealous, romantically-driven boy would do, which was punching him sound in the jaw."

"In front of her?"

"In front of her. Thoroughly destroying my chances, but Wickham did suffer only a pyrrhic victory, because he lost a tooth in the process. One of the back ones. When he recovered, he proceeded to engage me in an all-out brawl. Now I will say as humbly as possible that I pride myself on having _some_ fencing abilities, but I am not one to wrestle or engage in uncouth sports such as boxing. The first time, I merely managed what I did by surprise. Fortunately for me, we were both kicked out of the tavern post-haste and with our dorm supervisor strolling outside, we had to separate before he could beat me into a bloody pulp, which is probably what he would have done. I was taller than him, but he was not unfamiliar with barroom and alleyway tactics. Though, I have to admit, aside from my pride, I emerged largely unscathed."

She had her head on his stomach, and she rolled over. "So you are saying that if I call you Fitzers, you will sock your wife?"

"No, of course not. I will politely say in a very respectful and quiet voice, 'Dearest Lizzy, love of my life, if you call me that again, I will have no recourse but to annul our marriage and send you to a nunnery in Ireland.' That should be warning enough to clear the room."

The shocked silence was broken by shared laughter almost instantaneously.

After some time, when no actual comprehensible words were spoken but a lot of noises were made, Elizabeth turned to a half-sleeping Darcy and said, "I suppose we should depart tomorrow for Pemberley."

"Yes."

"And then I shall be Mistress of Pemberley."

"Dearest Elizabeth, I am quite sure that it was last night that you officially became 'Mistress of Pemberley.'"

With a pseudo-indignation she said, "I am quite sure that I am a wife and not a mistress."

He propped his head up on the pillow. "And would you prefer to be treated as a proper wife of good standing even in private? Should I call you only 'Mrs. Darcy' and seek you only for impregnation, locking myself soundly in another room on all other occasions? Because I shall do anything you prefer!"

"Now you are mocking me!"

"I shall do my best to an upstanding gentlemen, ignoring your presence almost entirely in company, and never endeavor to gaze upon you or whisper private jokes in your ear at parties – "

Her response was to kiss him. Well, to kiss him, and to climb on top of him, the ultimate assertion of authority. "That is _not_ what I prefer, _Mr._ Darcy."

"Then we are in agreement. I will treat you with great love and compassion in front of guests and as a wanton wench in the bedchamber."

To this, she could not find a reason to raise dispute.

* * *

Mr. and Mrs. Bingley arrived in time for dinner at Netherfield. Many guests were still in attendance. Georgiana would return to the Darcy townhouse in London once her brother vacated it, and Colonel Fitzwilliam would see her then and then ride north. Bingley's sisters would probably eventually also make their way to London, but their comings and going had always been a mystery to him, and even with a new wife at his arm, he was reluctant to toss them out. They were, after all, his sisters – two of _seven_ as Jane reminded him jokingly on the carriage ride back.

Jane showed a little apprehension about the way she was greeted by the servants of Netherfield. Not that they had ever been anything but of the utmost standing in their positions as servants, but she was now Mrs. Charles Bingley, Mistress of Netherfield, and thus she was received in a ceremony more elaborate than she wished. Charles merely put his hand on her arm for comfort as he lead her in, and that seemed to be enough.

Seeing at dinner was of course rearranged. She took the proper place at the table as his wife, and her new sisters showed all respect, though there was an occasional – though accidental – "Miss Bennet" over the course of conversation that was entirely overlooked by everyone. Georgiana was all smiles and her usual eager conversation with her new sister, even though she did not bother to inquire after her brother. Mr. and Mrs. Darcy had not been heard from, but this was a surprise to no one.

Jane made quiet a comment to Charles about this in passing, when they were moving between rooms to the after dinner entertainment.

"Maybe they are too exhausted to send a correspondence," was all he said, and she knew very well what he meant, and had to duck into a corner to keep herself from being seen with a flushed face. Quiet improper and odd for both of them, or perhaps would have been a not two days before.

Bingley regretted his own social obligations but he performed them, taking a glass of port with Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr. Hurst as his sisters played cards. Fitzwilliam had some news of troop movements in France, and of course an impending war would be of great interest to the trade-engaged Bingley estate, but so Bingley made every attempt to be interested however non-crucial the information was at the time or however distracted he was at the moment, while Mr. Hurst snorted indignantly at the French and made occasional comments on the weather there.

At some point when he ventured into the parlor, he noticed Jane was no longer at the card table, and inquired as to her whereabouts.

"She is retired for the night, I believe," Louisa said. "She had some business upstairs and then announced that the last few weeks have been quite exhausting, and very politely excused herself. I must compliment her, Charles. She is a quick learner at cards."

"She bested me twice," Georgiana said. "I am not half as skilled and I have been at this since Miss Bingley began instructing me last Christmas. I fear I am a poor pupil. Jane is so much better, is she not, Miss Bingley?"

She had, of course, trapped Miss Bingley into complimenting Jane. "Yes, I dare say she is." And it was hard for even Charles to tell if she was not being sincere.

"Well, I am glad to hear that she is under your tutelage, Caroline," he said, most happily. For yes, he had many things to be happy for this day. The only thing on his shoulders was that as host he must endeavor to stay downstairs until his guest retired. Normally sociable and content in this duty, he did find it a bit trying, but decided to take a page from the wisdom of Darcy and hide it best he could. He was grateful when his sisters took to their rooms, Louis practically carrying her soused husband up the stairs. Georgiana also retired, and with a slam on the back to Bingley, Colonel Fitzwilliam disappeared.

He did give the servants instructions for the morning breakfast he doubted he would be attending. In that way he was a very bad host, but his reputation would have to endure that attack. As soon as the room was cleared, he raced up the stairs with enough speed to nearly trip the maid on her way down with the day's laundry.

Officially they had separate bedrooms, but he could hardly stop himself from knocking on her bedchamber door. If she was truly asleep, so be it, but to his tremendous relief she immediately answered, and he entered without reservation.

She was not asleep, or even half-asleep, as one would think from someone who had retired a few hours earlier. Multiple lamps were lit and she was sitting up in bed, a book in her hands, quiet pleasantly satisfied with her situation.

"I – I did not mean to disturb you," he quickly explained, even though the situation required no explanation on his part. "I mean, if you were tired. They said you were."

"I lied."

"Oh."

Surely an explanation would follow, but other things busied him for the moment, such as removing his considerable layers of clothing down to his underclothes and climbing into bed next to her.

She, of course, beat him to it. "I am not afraid of socializing with your sisters. In fact, they have been quite charming to me, and Georgiana is always a pleasure. However, I had more pressing matters that did not involve them."

He rearranged himself more comfortably on the many pillows, and only then did he glance over at her reading material. It did look astonishing familiar.

"You know," Jane said quite nonchalantly, no doubt as she watched the horror wash over her husband's face. "There is a whole bit in here about other people's wives. And courtesans."

"I did not read that part."

"I am not saying you did." And she said it with a smile, which meant she was teasing him. "I am merely pointing it out."

"So you are telling me you lied to my guests and deserted me so you could sit up reading the most illustriously wicked book ever written?"

"I don't know about that. Have you ever actually read the bible, Charles? There are some early passages I find rather disturbing. Something about Noah and his daughters," she said with mock-hauteur. "But yes, I did what you have accused me of. I am a terrible hostess indeed."

"I think we merely have wicked guests for keeping us away from each other."

To this, they both shared a laugh, and he kissed her on the cheek. This was pleasant enough, but not satisfying enough to either of them. Their sleeping schedule quite out of sorts, they were both quite awake and at long last after many trying hours, alone. Once their guests vacated Netherfield, they could do as they pleased, but until then ... Well, it did not matter. Bingley decided that many little things in this world – like family, duty, and being the master of an estate – did not matter quite as much as getting his shirt off at this exact moment.

"Charles," she said, as soon as she could find a time for interruption

"Pray, what?" he said, his breathing heavy with anticipation.

She merely handed him the book, open to a certain chapter, one of the ones Darcy had pointed out to him as being exceedingly productive – hence why he recognized it. That did not make an un-daunting prospect. "Clearly, I should have never let you see this book."

"Is that a no?"

"Jane, dearest, I could never say no to you." He added, "And I have a feeling that you know it."

...Next Chapter – The News


	12. The News

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

* * *

Chapter 12 – The News 

As fall approached, Netherfield Hall had fallen into an easy rhythm, uninterrupted by the London summer season, which the Bingleys did not attend. As the air began to chill, Charles Bingley decided to take pleasure in every remaining burst of warm air and slipped out for his morning constitution with exceptional diligence. Sometimes his wife accompanied him, but she usually preferred the bed at that hour, and he was not want to push her into something she had no wish to do.

Sometimes he walked to Meryton, sometimes in the direction of Longbourn, but never reaching either direction. It was nature he admired, and was content to occasionally wander rather aimlessly, getting lost and showing up hours later with a coat torn by thorns. And Jane would go, "Oh _Charles_," in such an adorable way that it would make any following admonishments worth it. But he was very determined to inspect every inch of his property, now that he was considering relinquishing it.

Sisterly affection had not waned with marriage, and Jane and Elizabeth corresponded to such an extent that the courier was positively exasperated. And then there was Darcy, who was like a bird in his nest at Pemberley, content never to leave if he did not have to. As much as he liked Netherfield, Bingley was not ready to rule out the rest of England as being bereft of suitable places to live. In fact, with the renovations done for his purchase, Netherfield's worth had increased considerably, and there were buyers at the ready to his advantage. He had a list of places closer to Pemberley, but this was not something to be done in haste, not when he was uneager to rock the calm waters at home. Jane was open and even eager to the idea, but it was something to be done with great care and they both knew that, so it was not a topic that was discussed with any immediacy.

His only immediate concern, at the moment, was getting back to his manor, now with an overcoat thoroughly soaked by morning dew and a growling stomach. Despite the fact that breakfast was on the table, Jane was not downstairs, and when he inquired as to why this was, the maid merely shrugged.

Always one to take the initiative no matter how ridiculous it made him look, he leapt up the stairs and knocked on her bedroom door. "Jane?"

To his surprise, Jane's attendant answered the door, looking proper but out of sorts. "I'm sorry, Master Bingley, but the Mistress is not available."

"Not available?" He blinked, and tried to imagine why. "Is she ill?"

"Only in a very minor way, sir," she said, apparently knowing the words 'Jane' and 'ill' would immediately send him into full panic mode. "I will ask her if she wants a visitor."

"Has someone sent for a doctor?"

"It may not be necessary."

"Necessary! A doctor must be sent for right away! And not some Mertyon quack. Town!"

She rolled her eyes and disappeared back into the bedchamber, shutting the door behind her. Bingley turned to his manservant, who had the good sense to appear immediately, and listened to his careful instructions. By the time he was finished, the door reopened, and to his surprise it was in fact the housekeeper, Mrs. Eddings, who curtseyed to Bingley and shuffled out.

"Jane?" he called as he entered, and found her on the chaise lounge, sitting straight up and looking very pale. There was an empty bucket beside her. "Jane!" he practically shouted, and rushed to her side. "Are you all right?"

"I am better," she said. "It is nothing serious. I was ill, and now I feel better." She leaned on his shoulder as he sat down next to her, wrapping an arm across her shoulders.

"Was it something you ate?"

"That was my inclination – about a week ago."

"This has been going on for a week?" _How did I not notice it? _Was the greater question. He was a terrible husband, filled with guilt, not to notice an ongoing illness.

"It is only in the morning, and you are often out."

"Then I will not be out anymore. I have sent for a doctor from Town."

She smiled, but it was an odd sort of smile, and took his hand. "Mrs. Eddings has informed me that it will not be necessary."

"So you are fully recovered? To be plain, you do not look it. You are obviously in must distress and I will not have it."

"Charles," she said very slowly and carefully, as if he were a child. "I am not ill. I am pregnant."

To this, he had nothing immediate to say. All of his mental energy was taken up by gaping. Jane very politely closed his hanging mouth, and kissed him on the cheek. "I would prefer a doctor to confirm it, though, but apparently this illness is the first sign. That and the lack of certain feminine affliction when it was due." She looked at him oddly, "Charles, say something."

Apparently he had to, but first he had to break himself from his shocked stupor. "P-pregnant?"

"Yes."

Pregnant. With child. It meant a confinement, and with heaven's help, a baby in ... the early spring, maybe late winter. A child, a Bingley heir, to welcome into their lives. His life complete, as if he was not happy enough with Jane. He laughed with joy. "It's wonderful. Jane, it's so wonderful." He was not sure whether he was referring to this new prospect or life in general.

"Should I ring the bell?" he asked, wiping his tears, realizing now he was quite uncertain what propriety called for in the case of announcing pregnancy. Confinement, yes, he was familiar enough with, but should they wait?

"Perhaps not until the doctor has come, if he is coming anyway. And I would prefer to not have everyone treating me like fine china just yet," Jane admitted. "But I must write to Lizzy."

"Perhaps you will give her leave to tell Darcy herself, as I have just posted to him earlier this morning, when I did not have this wonderful news."

"Of course, dearest," she said, and kissed him on the cheek. Yes, she would be the one to tell Darcy, and he would be content to quietly bask in his accomplishment until he saw Darcy next – something he was definitely looking forward to.

* * *

When the postman finally arrived at Pemberley, he was quite nervous. Mr. Darcy was rather benevolent for a landlord, but even he was not necessarily about to excuse a considerable delay, no matter how bad the rains. Fortunately for him the Master of Pemberley was rather distracted by other business and merely took the considerable stack of mail and disappeared with it. 

Mr. Darcy headed into his study, and was not the least bit surprised to see Elizabeth at his desk, no doubt composing a letter to her sister or to Georgiana. One day Elizabeth had apparently decided that when it was vacant, his writing station was the most preferable one in the house. The only way to solve this was of course to get her one of comparable size and expense, as – even though she had said nothing – she would not be satisfied by a simple feminine writing desk. If the servants had anything to say about the usurpation of his sacred male temple of business, they did a good job of keeping it beyond his ears.

"The post has finally arrived," he announced, and set it down across from her on the desk. The stack was considerable. Elizabeth looked up and stopped writing as he began to sort it. "Most business letters ... business ... business ... Netherfield." He passed it to her, and she immediately opened it and went to reading the several-page letter from her sister. "Oh, and Longbourn."

"Mother's handwriting or father's?"

"Mrs. Bennet."

"Oh," she said without looking up from her letter. "It must be her monthly inquiry to see if I am yet pregnant. Will you do me the favor of writing her a quick response that I am, and she should stop asking?"

"Anything you – _What_?"

"Yes," she said with a nonchalance he thought only _he_ was capable of. "I am with child. This will please her to no end, especially if it is a boy."

He was stuck in place, holding the letter from Mrs. Bennet, his mouth frozen for some time before he could say, "How long have you known?"

"It was confirmed a few days ago. The nurse who visited briefly?"

He puffed himself up with considerable partially-mocking disgust. "And _this_ is how you chose to tell me?"

"I did deliberate over it for some time about the best way, and then decided that if I am to suffer nearly a year of soar muscles, stomach pains, and ballooning to a bovine, then I should least have the pleasure of seeing that adorably miffed look upon your face just once more."

Her voice was perfectly serious and dismissive, the exact way she obviously wanted it, and when he realized the joke was on him, the tension fell away from him and he ran around the room and picked his up his wife, twirling her around. "You will drive me to Bedlam!"

"And then I will have Pemberley and Derbyshire all to myself! My plan all along! Oh no, you have discovered it!" She kissed him. "But please, as much as I do love you holding me, another twirl and I will be ill. Which is _your_ fault."

"I thought it was those bad clams I insisted on you trying."

"For two weeks?"

"Perhaps I am not the most observant husband."

She kissed him again. "You will do."

She giddily returned to her letter, and he went back to the pile of mail, opening the letter from Mrs. Bennet and composing a hasty reply. He was only interrupted from his assignment when Elizabeth said, "Oh!"

"What?"

"It seems I am in good company, as Jane is also expecting."

"Wonderful news!" he said, then thought on the matter. "Did she give a date for her confinement?"

"She estimates it should began sometime after new year's. Why?"

"And the date for your confinement would be –"

"Sometime after new year's."

He bit his lip. "So, we don't actually know who – "

"Darcy! It is not a competition!"

"No!" he said appropriately quickly. "No, of course it is not." And he returned hastily to the letter, to give the appearance of his mind being on other things.

"Darcy," Elizabeth said as he stamped the wax on the letter to his mother-in-law. "There is a package beneath the other letters."

"Really? I did not notice it." He returned to the desk, and tossed the other post aside. The reason the pile was so high was that at the bottom was a small package sealed with string, small in size and weight but bigger than an envelope. "It is from Bingley." It said Netherfield, but he recognized the script. "The knife in the drawer on your left, if you would." She handed it to him, and he cut loose the strings and removed the wrapping paper to reveal a dusty brown book.

"What is it?"

"I don't know." He frowned, and read the title. "The Ananga Ranga." At the bottom was printed in tiny letters, 'Translation by M.L. Watts.'

"Bless you."

"That is the title." He opened it, and found a note from Bingley.

_Dear Darcy,_

_I apologize for the delay in returning your considerable favor, but it took me some great time to locate a book that would be even remotely comparable to the one you have provided me with. I do not know much about it, but I did peruse it when it arrived with the East Indian shipment, and suffice to say, you may be the only man in England who owns it. I apologize for a lack of illustrations, but this was the only English edition I could find. _

_CB_

He did not need to open past the table of contents to know precisely the nature of the book.

"Pray, what is it?"

Very calmly, and with the best monotone he could muster, he told his wife as he put the book behind his back, "Merely a book on shipping I have been inquiring about. The title is a bunch of nautical terms, I believe."

"Oh," Elizabeth said. Yes, he was in clear! With his letter to Longbourn finished, he took his leave to post it. He was halfway out the door when she said, "You are lying to me. This may make me very annoyed, which would be bad for the baby. Surely you know that."

In the doorway, Darcy silently cursed, then turned around and put on his best smile. "You know me too well."

Elizabeth merely crossed her arms in expectation.

"It is really noth – "

"The book, Darcy."

"I could not betray Mr. Bingley's confidence."

"So he told you in the letter not to mention a word about this to me, on pain of death? What does it contain, an entire sordid history of his own family? Surely they would not bind that and give it such an obscure name. Anyway, if you are just to put it in the library, then I will eventually find it."

"I will not put it in the library," he responded.

"Then you will put it in the false bottom of this locked drawer." She motioned to her right. "The one with the lock that matches the key you keep in the dresser by the bed stand?"

Very few people could render Darcy speechless. Elizabeth was one of them. No, in fact, she was the only one. Unfortunately, he had married her. "You have me at your mercy," he said at last.

"Then give me the book."

"Allow me to at least read it first."

"Fine. I will wait in the drawing room while you peruse it."

He sighed, and decided it was time to give up this game. "Very well." He placed it on the desk before her, and she scooped it up with entirely too much interest.

Elizabeth Darcy put her hand over her mouth to hide her expression. She had, it seemed, some propriety left. "My goodness."

"I cannot account for – "

She slammed the book shut. "You do not need to account for it." With that, she stood up, taking the book and the letter from Jane with her. "If you need me, I will be in the library." And with a quick kiss on his cheek, she added, "Reading."

To this, he could form no proper response before she was gone.

... Next Chapter - The Visitor


	13. The Visitor

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

* * *

Chapter 13 – The Visitor 

As December approached, the Pemberley staff was in the appropriate frantic anticipation. Only their master seemed particularly calm, probably because he had the natural ability to seem particularly calm in any situation whatsoever, except perhaps a military invasion or someone tying his cravat wrong. There was no amount of guessing (or betting) on the part of the servants as to how he would act towards the end of his wife's first confinement, as the only time he showed his true emotions was around his wife or his sister, and the former was burdened with producing the heir to Pemberley.

At the moment that was not her chief concern (though it hardly for a moment truly left her mind). She had to assemble a guest list, and as Mistress of Pemberley, it had to be done with a ridiculous amount of care. She was quite surprised them when Darcy, avoiding eye contact by staring out the window as he said it, casually ask that she invite the Wickham family – husband, wife, and relatively newborn daughter.

When queried on this, he replied, "It's the proper thing to do, and I know he won't come." To this, he left no explanation and quickly exited the room.

In his infinite wisdom, Mr. Darcy was not wrong. The Wickhams returned post with the message that they were must embedded at Newcastle and would decline the invitation. Elizabeth was quite sure she saw her husband give one of his quiet smirks at the news.

The list needed careful consideration this year, as it involved two wives very near entering confinement, and so was restricted to their very extensive families. Lady Catherine immediately sent her refusal, and it was regrettable only that they could see no way to invite Lady Anne away from her home on Christmas for any pretense. Though Darcy did not mourn the loss of Mr. Collins as a guest, he was aware that Elizabeth did feel the loss of any acquaintance with _Mrs._ Collins, now that all relations with Rosings were for the most part hopelessly severed. "It will not due to lose your relationship with your aunt," Elizabeth said. "I mean, you may do as you choose, but I will not suffer the lose of Charlotte as a friend."

"And I will not suffer the loss of Anne as a friend."

She looked at him incredulously. "Anne de Bourgh? Your former bethrothed? Whom you refused? We speak of the same person, correct?"

"Correct. That does not mean she is nothing to me. In fact, our refusal of my aunt's intentions was mutual, and she has been a great friend to Georgiana. I would be honored if you would take some time to write to her. We could send it with my sister's letter as we did for the wedding."

She looked at him as if she could not believe it, but his face was perfectly amiable and he was never known to lie. "Very well, I shall happily write to her, and perhaps she can find excuse to be in Derbyshire in the spring."

"The weather here is known to be quite relieving to the body," he said. And the matter was settled.

Their first guest arrived a week early, to their great surprise but also to their great delight.

* * *

Mr. Bennet had weathered half a year without the sight of his favorite daughter. At first it was merely to give the newlyweds their proper privacy, though the rumors were that the estate was so vast that they would have no problem avoiding anything if they so chose, while he had at Longbourn only his study as a sanctuary. Then the weather chilled, and his wife protested for his health. At first he found his odd, as with their financial situation quite secure, his death would no longer be the disastrous event that had so long been her worry. At the fourth or fifth protest at his suggestion of visiting Derbyshire, he looked more carefully at his wife of nearly twenty-five years and after much consideration, decided that there was a slim chance that she was _actually_ concerned for his person – as a _person_. He did not mention this to her, for as much as she talked about herself, she did not care much to be talked _of_. 

He did, however, smile.

This bizarre state held him in Longbourn until he at last gave in and gave his wife and daughters permission to go Brighton, with the explicit understanding that Mrs. Bennet would be the most diligent chaperone. "I have learned _that_ lesson, Mr. Bennet," she said, and oddly, her voice was not a shrill. He even convinced Mary to go, taking great pains to tell her of the spectacular scenery that might be observed in the area, so that he might be at his leave to appear at Pemberley before the official arrival date. He had a great desire to see the place in some privacy first, but this involved getting his remaining daughters out of the house so that he may secretly vacate it, and the task took him nearly a month to arrange.

It was late in the first week of December that he finally got in a carriage and took the long trip to Derbyshire, farther north than he had traveled in a great number of years. He had no great love of the activity and was very sick of trees and fields – that was, until he reached Derbyshire itself. "Quite a lovely place," he admitted to himself when they stopped for lunch.

That was until he saw Pemberley.

"My goodness," he said as it came into view, with its reflecting pool and great columns. Even far away from the entrance, he took off his hat as if he was entering church. He had yet to see the new Bingley estate in Kirkland, but he had a notion that nothing would compare to this. "Well, well, Lizzy, you have done quite well for yourself."

If Mr. Bennet was a man to be cowed, the great halls of Pemberley would have rendered him speechless. He was not, however, that sort of man, though there was a significant hesitation to his step as he entered and had his walking stick and hat taken by the servants. He was approached by a servant wearing better clothes than his own. "May I help you, sir?"

"I am here to see Mrs. Darcy, though I prefer to be unannounced, if she is in the mood to be interrupted from whatever business she has as Mistress of Pemberley." As it was mid-afternoon as he'd planned it, and she was well with child, he assumed he was not interrupting anything he really was inclined not to interrupt. "That if, if she would see her father."

The servant blanched and then said he would make haste to find her, and would he mind so much sitting in the drawing room until she was located? Of course he would, because the "drawing room" was probably, by his rough estimation, larger than half of Longbourn and its shelves filled with so many books that he could hardly imagine the actually library's collection. "I definitely should have intruded earlier," he muttered, glancing at the titles.

He did not have to wait very long. The doors opened, and before she could be announced, 'Mrs. Darcy' scampered into the room like a little girl – even though she was certainly no longer dressed like one – and immediately embraced her father. "Oh, Papa!"

"Lizzy," he said, though having some difficulty, partially because of his emotions at seeing her for the first time since the wedding day, and partially because there was much more of her to hold. She was, to everyone's estimate, in her fifth month, and while not et overburdened, was quite undeniably pregnant when she removed her shawl. He kissed her and then withdrew from the embrace, but not from holding her hands. "You look splendid." In fact, she looked positively astounding, considering her particular burden. All of his fears – however irrational – about her interest in her marriage to the aloof Mr. Darcy were quickly dissolved entirely in his mind. She was more radiant than on her wedding day, the look of a woman most happy in her present situation. "I am very sorry to intrude ..."

"You do not look very sorry," she chided. So, being married to a man of Darcy's countenance, she had not lost her sense of humor either, or her ability to smile. "I see you came alone."

"Your mother and sisters are in Brighton, admiring all the officers from a very respectable distance. At least a foot, I told them, though I have no idea if they will abide by it. I would have said at least said thirty feet and bought your mother a pair of looking glasses, but she would not have it and I was not inclined to fight her. They will arrive closer to the holiday, as promised, though I challenge even Mrs. Bennet and Kitty to fill these immense hallways with their squalling."

"You are being ungenerous," she said, her voice thoroughly mocking. "Oh, but I did not think to have someone call for my husband because I rushed to you."

"I imagine there is someone around here who has thought of it, what with the massive retinue of Mr. Darcy. If his Majesty has any desire to invade the Continent and has need of stout men, he has only to call on Pemberley." He tugged her hand. "But seriously Lizzy, unless you are better at trickery than I know you to be, I assume Darcy has made you quiet a happy woman."

"Indeed, he has," was all she could say before the subject of discussion entered the room. "I'm so glad someone found you."

"Mr. Bennet," Darcy said, bowing to his father-in-law.

"Mr. Darcy," Mr. Bennet returned the gesture, but could not help but recall that the last time he had been in such an intimate setting with Mr. Darcy, the poor man was drunkenly vomiting into a chamber pot. Now his son-in-law was all smiles – and not just a quiet, subtle smile he was sneak across the table at Elizabeth when he was sure no one else was watching during their engagement. Marriage had obviously been very good to him. "I apologize for my intrusion into your privacy."

"Not at all. In fact, we were wondering when you might be venturing north for several months now. I hope you find Pemberley to your liking."

"I find nothing that anyone could ever dislike."

"I am relieved to hear it." Where was the proud Darcy who cared nothing for the approval of those decidedly below his station? Perhaps Elizabeth had merely married a different man with the same name. "If you will excuse me, I have a most pressing matter with my steward, and I assume that you wish more time with your daughter. I will see you at dinner, Mr. Bennet." He turned to his wife. "Remember about the gardens, if you would."

"If my father wishes to see the gardens of Pemberley on this mild afternoon, I would be a most discourteous daughter not to guide him."

"Lizzy, I would rather have you a discourteous daughter than a discourteous mother and _you know it_," he said in a whisper, perhaps imagining Mr. Bennet was hard of hearing.

"Mr. Darcy," Mr. Bennet said, having no intention of being left out of the fun. "I must confess to you right now that the only time a Bennet every intentionally sabotaged a Bennet's health was in not providing Jane with a carriage when it was raining and she was invited to some great estate in Hertfordshire, and that the outcome was most advantageous to us all. Still, I will not try the Master of Pemberley's patience."

"That is my job, Papa," Elizabeth chimed in, but she did lean in and kiss her husband on the cheek before he bowed and took his leave.

They were alone again, and Mr. Bennet did not hesitate to venture, "You were absolutely correct, Lizzy. You are both so ridiculously stubborn that somehow you are a perfect match. I assume this garden business was him being overprotective of your condition."

"To his credit, it _is_ winter, but we have had many mild days." She tightened her grip on his hand. "But I think you have had enough scenery for quite a while and would prefer to remain indoors. And there is so much to discuss. Come, let us repair to the parlor."

"I'm not quite sure how far away this parlor is and if I am well enough to make it to it," he said. "Please tell me it is under two miles."

"Papa!"

"You know I am only poking fun at how well a sworn-spinster who considered herself too stubborn to ever attract a man has done so well for herself. Quite the reverse of conventional wisdom. But then again, when have you ever been conventional?"

"I will take that as a compliment."

They did make it to the parlor, despite Mr. Bennet's jokes, where they were practically assaulted by servants ready with every flavor of tea for the esteemed father of Mrs. Darcy. Mr. Bennet found himself in a state of perpetual self-amusement at the whole proceeding.

"How is the family? I have not written enough, I know."

"I must confess, I am somewhat surprised by the changes at Longbourn," he said. "Though I do miss you and Jane every day, your mother's continence has ... almost returned to normal."

She looked legitimately confused. "Whatever do you mean?"

"You do not mean to imply that I married a fluttering imbecile with a chronic nerve condition. No, I confess I had almost forgotten it myself that she underwent a particular transformation when Jane came out, and suddenly she had the daunting prospect of five marriageable daughters who were in desperate need of prospects. And seeing as how I was only a very reluctant aid in the matter, so attached to you all as I was, it is amazing that she accomplished so much in so little time." He did not give her time to comment before continuing, "Kitty is doing quite well, though still quite silly, but in that endearing way that some officer will no doubt find quite amusing. And having learned that lesson, we will make sure to check his gambling debts before agreeing to see her have a moment alone with him."

"And Mary?"

"Yes, Mary, who is usually quite complacent with her books, has asked of me that she be sent to study on the Continent. My finances being in a less tattered condition, I feel almost compelled to obliged her in the fall. Surely then she will fall for some scholar who is as good at giving un-requested sermons as she is, and they will spend a happy life amusing themselves at the dinner table by talking about proper manners and the severity of life." He sipped his tea. "I find myself oddly at ease with my existence now, minus the absence of my favorite daughter. Fortunately I believe she is with child and that will give me a tremendous excuse to dally by her side for her confinement, if her stubborn husband would permit it."

She smiled slyly at him, "But Bingley is not stubborn at all!"

"Now you intend to mock me, though I say I do enjoy it more than when any other relation does it. So I will let it pass. Though I have no idea how you will settle the matter of the confinement. Mr. Bingley could have hardly moved all the way up here just to separate his wife from her sister for three months."

"My husband and Mr. Bingley are in an argument about it."

"An argument, you say?"

Lizzy smiled again. "Not an _argument_, proper. More of a 'my house is better than yours for this sort of thing' gentlemanly game of theirs. We have yet to inform them that they have no say in the matter, and Jane and I will decide at new year's, and that will be that."

"So you have completely and utterly conquered your husbands. I see your mother has trained you well."

"Are you joking? Every correspondence I have had with her since the wedding has told me of my wifely duties and that I must be entirely obliging to my husband's every whim and desire. Does she expect me to be only a combination of a maidservant and breeder?"

He set his tea cup down with some ceremony. "I have given some though to the matter, and considering that Darcy has five times my income, you are required to produce no less than twenty-five children. All daughters, of course."

"Now you are deliberately trying to tease me!"

"I have always said," he laughed, "that of all my daughters, you had the quickest wit and perception, and you have never proven me wrong."

* * *

Dinner was a peaceful but splendid affair, and though in front of the servants Darcy was more reserved, he was still the welcoming gentlemen that he had been in the parlor earlier. To Elizabeth he was expressive enough, and that was Mr. Bennet's chief concern, which was much abated now. It was only when he briefly disappeared to attend to something that Mr. Bennet remarked, "I must say that my son is a rather puzzling sort of man in the way he presents himself. It is not at all consistent." 

"It is not a matter of pride at all," she said. "I have come to the conclusion that he is extremely shy."

"A man is never shy, Lizzy. Certainly not one of his standing."

She giggled, but tried to stifle it. "I was trying to be polite. I think he is merely ... I do not know the term. Socially phobic?" She lowered her voice further. "He does not find company easy to be bare if he does not have a keen interest in them. I do think this is a failing on his part as much as it is something instinctive."

"Well, that he has a _keen interest_ in you is I suppose all that matters," he said with a smile.

To this, she could only blush in reply.

...Next Chapter: Christmas at Pemberley  



	14. Christmas At Pemberley

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Story Summary: Three days before his wedding, Bingley goes to the only man who can give him the advice he needs ... the poor, unfortunate Mr. Darcy.

* * *

Chapter 14 – Christmas at Pemberley 

As Christmas arrived, so did the Darcy's guests. Georgiana returned from town first, followed quickly by the three Bennets from Brighton. "Oh! Oh my dear Mr. Bennet!" his wife said, and Mr. Darcy instantly insisted that the very qualified Mrs. Reynolds give his mother-in-law a grand tour of all of the hundred and nine rooms of Pemberley, and insisted that Mrs. Bennet be given ample time in each room to say whatever she pleased and inquire after the expense of every single piece of furniture to her heart's content. Fortunately, he had already given Mrs. Reynolds a sizable Christmas bonus, so all was well and Mrs. Bennet was gone into the deep lairs of Pemberley for almost an entire day.

Colonel Fitzwilliam turned from his business in the north, and was happily greeted by both his cousins and Elizabeth. The Gardiners were delayed in Lambton only by the weather for a day before making their appearance. It was in fact the Bingleys who appeared last, having the least amount to travel and so weather and delays were no concern, but as usual, Mr. Bingley was all concerns for his wife's health to such an extent in his various posts that it came as a surprise to everyone when she appeared at the door looking quite well and full of color. With him came his sisters and brother, happy as always to be at Pemberley no matter who was on the guest list – that or if they had any objection, they hid it well.

Diversions were many in the vast halls of Pemberley, and it was actually quite a while after the first dinner that Colonel Fitzwilliam finally caught Bingley and Darcy in the billiards room, temporarily escaping their guests. They were happy to let him join their game. "So," he said casually, "I have heard some speculation concerning the delicate matter – if I may be so bold – of the location on confinement."

"The manner remains ... unsettled," Bingley said.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bingley," Darcy said. "Fitzwilliam, we've already decided to settle the matter in the most gentlemanly way possible."

"So, you mean, some sort of contest," he surmised.

"Precisely," said Darcy. "By a dueling. Rapiers it shall be?"

Bingley gave his friend and brother a horrified look. "I agreed to know such thing! You know I would lose horribly. You are not making the slightest attempt to be fair." Straightening his waistcoat, he added, "It shall be shooting."

Colonel Fitzwilliam raised his eyebrows. "Red eight in the side pocket. You know, Darcy is very good at shooting. It would be a close match."

"I have been practicing," Darcy said confidently.

"Very well then! Dancing!"

"Surely not!" Darcy replied. "Chess."

"Sewing."

"Riding."

"First proposal."

"First _attempted _proposal."

"Drinking contest," Bingley said keenly.

Darcy raised an eyebrow. "Height."

"I do believe Jane is taller than Elizabeth."

"Only if she stands on her toes!"

"Good G-d," Fitzwilliam said. "You're like children! Why don't you just flip a coin like decent men? Or better yet, let your wives decide?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Darcy replied. "We will decide as men, and then return to our wives, who will promptly ignore us and announce their own decision, which was probably made months ago – but still, propriety must be maintained."

"You mean your _egos_ must be maintained," his cousin replied. "Despite your obvious respective marital bliss's, I fear I must endeavor to find a more complying wife."

"My sister is out of the question, then," Bingley said, to everyone's surprise. "What? I was merely stating of the obvious."

"It seems marriage has given you a spine," Darcy said.

"And destroyed yours."

Fitzwilliam sighed and put his pool cue down. "Darcy, I spent most of my childhood keeping you and Wickham from each other's throats. However good natured your relationship with Bingley may be, I will not spend my adulthood doing the same thing with another person."

"Fine, fine, a coin it shall be. Does anyone have a sovereign?"

Fitzwilliam produced a coin, and Bingley took it from him. "Heads, Pemberley. Tails, Kirkland."

"Agreed."

He flipped it, and covered it with his hand. Before the outcome could be revealed, however, there was a rough banging at the door. "Darcy!" It was undoubtedly _Mrs._ Darcy.

"What have you done now?"

Darcy shushed him with a look and opened the door. "Darling – "

Elizabeth crossed him and entered the gentlemen's sanctuary, her hands on her hips, and stood before Darcy and Bingley. "Did you or did you not make a bet on who would deliver first?"

"No."

"No," Bingley backed him up.

"Of course not."

"Never."

Elizabeth gave her husband a look of smoldering rage.

"A small bet."

"Very small," said Bingley.

"A few pence."

"Very few."

"Nothing significant."

"Ten pence."

"Maybe a pound. At most. Absolute most."

Elizabeth focused her intense eyes on Bingley.

Finally he croaked out, "Maybe four – f-five pounds?"

She turned back to Darcy.

"It really was five pounds," he said in a voice that could not be denied as truthful. "That is all."

"Four."

"Stop lying to her, Bingley. It's not worth it." He approached his wife, and cupped her cheek. "Dearest –"

"There will be no such bet," she said, but her voice was softening.

"Of course not," he said, and kissed her on the forehead in an unusual display of affection for Darcy in front of other gentlemen, even his relatives.

"All right. I will leave you to your game," she said, apparently much relieved. "Oh, and the confinements will take place at Pemberley. Sorry, Mr. Bingley."

"Quite all right," he assured her, waving as she closed the door behind her.

As soon as she was gone, Darcy said, "I do adore the Gardiners, but it is perfectly clear that I cannot trust them with a secret."

"Indeed," said Bingley.

* * *

Jane had long retired when Bingley made his way into her bedroom. In theory he had his own adjoining one, but it was not in his habit to use it when unnecessary. In fact, she was soundly asleep. Jane liked to sleep on her side, but in recent months that had become increasingly difficult and against conventional wisdom. He took great care at sliding into bed next to her, keeping a respectful distance so not to wake her. Falling asleep after a long night and a few glasses of port was not exceptionally difficult. 

He did wake several hours later, as would happen occasionally in the night, especially after some alcohol. He woke to find Jane partially on her side, leaning her head on his shoulder. Her movement indicated that she was not entirely asleep, and he kissed her gently to see if this would elicit some response. She did smile, but squirmed uncomfortably.

"Is everything all right?"

"'Tis nothing." When she realized that wouldn't satisfy him, she added, "My feet are a bit soar."

Without hesitation or request, he wandered down to the bottom of the bed and began to rub them. Her ankles were swollen, which he supposed was not to be unexpected.

"Mmm... how do you always know exactly what to do, husband?"

"I am quite a good guesser."

Jane gave a contented sigh. "You're not upset that we chose Pemberley, are you?"

"It is the most logical choice," he said. "And with our absence, they can do the renovations."

"Kirkland is suitable as it stands. We have had this conversation."

"It could be better. It should be perfect."

She didn't seem in the mood to argue with him, but then again, she never did.

* * *

When Darcy, with all of his hosting duties, finally slid into bed, he was a bit drunker than he wanted to be, but certainly not tumbling over. He crawled in next to Elizabeth and kissed her softly on the cheek before turning on his own pillow. So far, minus abstentions for periods of indisposition and his being out of Derbyshire on business, they had missed a night of marital pleasure, but if they had to make up for it in the morning, so be it. She was asleep and probably exhausted, and he was very eager to be the same (the former at least). He was nearly there when he felt the tremors of Elizabeth wiggling her toes and turning over to face him – a considerable feat on her part at this point in her condition. 

"Yes, darling?" he mumbled.

"Five pounds."

He put the pillow over his head.

"Is that really all I'm worth to you? Five pounds?"

Darcy blinked and removed the pillow. "I am confused. Are you unhappy with the betting itself or do you want me to bet more? Because they are contradictory notions."

"I was just wondering how you came to the decision of five pounds. How the number value was reached."

"We felt compelled not to exceed it," he said, "lest our wives discover us." He looked over his shoulder, and Elizabeth's look in the candlelight was not total disapproval. In fact, she looked rather amused. "What?"

"I find it rather silly," she said. "Men and your need for cockfights."

It took Darcy a considerable moment to decide whether he wanted to interpret her usage of the noun with its obvious intention or with the proper definition. "Now I think you're just insulting me."

"Well, someone has to knock you off your high horse."

"No more animal allusions! Please!" He buried himself in his pillow, but Elizabeth was giggling. "One man can only take so much."

"And my father has taken a great deal more than you. You should consider yourself lucky."

"I will not for long if you continue to torment me as such!"

"Really? Have I been so terrible a wife to you?" She ran her finger along his backside. "I must say these past months must have been positively dreadful for you."

He turned over to face her. "_Absolutely_ dreadful." And he kissed her. Perhaps the conventional midwife would have some objection to their continued dalliances, but if they were to have this conversation with her, they had not one but _two_ sources to back up their assertions that everything would be quite all right.

* * *

The celebrations on Christmas Eve could not have been more perfectly planned according to Pemberley's guests, and many congratulations when to Elizabeth, who took them with gratitude but felt that they were undeserved. There were many toasts to everyone's health and happiness (and a certain two people's health's and happiness – _especially_). There was a good amount of red juice involved, with two expectant mothers and several other temperance-inclined guests. Mary Bennet thought it made one loose of tongue (and no one was willing to contradict her), and Mr. Darcy, as was his custom, stopped at the first glass. The Gardiner children ran to and fro along the long table, and no one felt compelled to stop them for the sake of decorum, as it was Christmas Eve and everyone seemed to be in a particularly delightful mood. 

There was much after dinner entertainment in the parlor, and fortunately Mary's piano abilities had much improved in a calmer Longbourn setting, and she was happy to do a duet with Georgiana. Mr. Darcy was briefly seen by those who were inclined to be eavesdroppers arguing with his wife in the hallway not about whether she was to play, but whether she should retire immediately out of concern for her health.

"Is this to be my last social engagement? Then surely you will _allow me_ Christmas." And she said _allow me_ with every indication that she was not inclined to let him have his proper husbandly say in the matter, however inclined he was to give it.

"Elizabeth –,"

"I am perfectly well, _Mr._ Darcy."

He scowled but say nothing when she rejoined her guests.

Someone else was scowling, on the other side of the door. "She should not aggravate her husband so!" Mrs. Bennet said.

"I don't know how you have not observed this," Mr. Bennet said in a hushed voice, "but I do believe it is the entire foundation for their very stable and loving marriage, so I am not inclined to give any advice that might dissuade it."

"Oh, Mr. Bennet!" and she swatted him, but very playfully, and he smiled and took her by the arm.

Though celebrations continued into the night, Mrs. Darcy and Mrs. Bingley did respectfully retire, not so much at their husband's inclinations as their own. Mrs. Gardiner put her overexcited children to bed, and eventually the company whittled down to the Bingley sisters playing cards and the various gentlemen of strong countenances. Darcy, as host, was obligated to remain with his guests, though he did make not less than two trips upstairs to check on his wife. Eventually the gentlemen retired to the smoking room, where Mr. Hurst partook in a large cigar and not his first brandy of the night.

"And how is Mrs. Darcy?" Mr. Bennet asked, because he was not afraid of the intimidating figure of a very private Mr. Darcy, now considerably less at-ease without his wife by his side.

"Resting," he said, hoping that would suit his father-in-law.

"Delightful evening," Mr. Hurst said from his position slumped in on the lounge chair. For him, a rare compliment.

"Indeed," said Bingley, raising his glass and looking at the grandfather clock. "I believe it is the hour at least. Happy Christmas!"

"Happy Christmas," they said, raising their glasses, except for Darcy, who looked out the window, and was very content to do so until approached by Mr. Gardiner.

"No white Christmas for us this year, no? I suppose it does not matter."

"It rarely snows this early in the season," Darcy said, a long sentence for him, even in good company.

"Well, it has certainly been a delightful evening, I must say. Thank you for your hospitality, Mr. Darcy. Especially considering – "

"Yes," he interrupted. He liked his new uncle well enough, but that did not mean he wanted the matter to go any further. Something of a suspicious tremor was crawling up his back, making him less social able than he wanted to be with his relatives, some of whom he was actually quite fond of. Maybe this would be a good time to check on Lizzy again.

"If I may be so bold, Mr. Darcy," Mr. Gardiner continued, in that very pleasing way of his, which was no great comfort to Darcy, "as this may be one of the last times we could corner you –

And Darcy suddenly realized in that room, he _was cornered_.

"I know you are inclined to be to the point about things, so I will indulge you and do the same. You are about to enter, G-d willing, into fatherhood, something which requires much care."

Oh G-d. Where was his ability to curse this man with the legendary Darcy stare of indifference? Why was it failing him now. "And?"

"Having some experience on the matter, if I could, perhaps, offer some advice –"

Darcy looked at Mr. Bennet, who actually stood up and seemed to be joining Mr. Gardiner in this well-meaning but horrible endeavor. Mr. Hurst, as usual, was half-passed out on the couch and would be of no use. Now desperate, Darcy turned to Bingley, who was holding up two glass bottles. "Whiskey or brandy?"

Without hesitation, Darcy answered, "Both."

...Up next: Epilogue, and some author's notes about more fiction  



	15. The Epilogue

A Bit of Advice

By DJ Clawson

Summary: Look, if I have to recite the summary at this point, go back to the first chapter.

_**Very Important Author's Notes:**_ So I'm not big on unnnecessary author's notes, where they babble on about their social lives or their jobs or their cats, but I think at 50k I'm allowed to say something. I started this story imagining it to be a couple of chapters of amusement about Bingley's sexual insecurities (which I did in my previous, not well-received story), and then (a) found myself enjoying playing with the characters too much, and (b) found you all enjoying it to much, that I decided to stretch it as far as possible, while still holding to the original plot arc, which involved everyone getting over their insecurities and the results of such an occurance. Sorry guys, but the story is over. I am not going to go on for 30 chapters about how Mrs. Darcy adjusts to life at Pemberley, or how she decorates the nursery, or what have you just so I can greedily keep the comments coming.

I am, however, considering reworking the story, perhaps as a longer version. One of the things I did enjoy was working to make the character deeper. Not to criticize Jane Austen at all, but fan fiction - even pushed versions - has a tendency to make characters black-and-white, whereas if they were truly human beings, this would certainly not be so. And, obviously, nobody's really done the true history of the obviously complex friendship of Bingley and Darcy. So if you would please give me comments as to what you liked and didn't like in this story, what you would want to see more of beyond "just continue it until they have great-great-great-grand children who live in the present day!" I would be most appreciative, as I have serious editorial intentions. (In real life, I work in publishing as an editor) And if you are interested in a future version, please put me on "story alert" for this story, and I'll post any update far in the future as another chapter to this story. Don't put my on "author alert" unless you want to get hit up with my Lupin the Third slash. That would be dumb. But seriously, your comments are taken seriously, from the "I liked seeing this side of character X" to "event C seemed out-of-period." I make serious attempts at attempting to adhere to historical accuracy and like to know if I'm off track. (And by the way, if you think nobody was sexually adventurous in Regency England and it's totally impossible that Darcy, at 28, would probably have some experience, you should do some reading) How would you improve the story? Let me know your thoughts and opinions, as they are valued.

Thanks again for all your comments and support! And now, our closing chapter.

* * *

Epilogue

Not only did Jane and Elizabeth spend their confinements at Pemberley, but Mr. Bennet was a welcome guest as well, even when the Bingley sisters and Mr. Hurst retired to Kirkland Hall. He seemed to know when best to make himself scarce, which was easy enough in the halls of Pemberley, especially in the tremendously intimidating library. He occasionally got a letter from his wife, who had returned to Brighton and was wintering with the officers. Kitty had apparently made friends with one of the officers, this one of considerable standing and reputation, and would he be so kind as to inquire as to his credentials? Of course he would. When not distracted by the marriage possibilities of one of his two remaining unmarried daughters, Mr. Bennet busied himself with a glass of brandy and a book in one of the many reading rooms, or observing his two sons fret endlessly. Bingley paced until there was some actual concern by the housekeeper for the carpets, which the master of the estate dismissed with an unusually reserved word. Mr. Darcy, when not with his wife, spent much time staring out the window. He was not unpleasant, but unusually quiet, a bastion of reserve – so much so that Mr. Bennet commented to his daughter, "I fear if you do not deliver soon, your husband may well explode."

"Or spontaneously combust," she laughed. "And then poor Mr. Bingley will catch on fire as well, run around the house, and all Pemberley will be ablaze."

"To lose such a large house!" Jane said. "All because of the natural order of things."

"It is no surprise then that wives often outlive their husbands," Mr. Bennet said. "We have solved that great mystery at least."

It was at that point that Mr. Darcy had the misfortune to poke his head into his wife's sitting room. "What is it?" He seemed concerned at the noise."

"Nothing," Elizabeth said, making no effort to control herself. "We are merely laughing at your expense."

"Oh," he said with no particular surprise. "Well, I should hardly interrupt you, then."

"What was it?" was Bingley's voice, from somewhere down the hall.

Darcy turned back and shouted, "They were laughing at your expense, Bingley!"

"What?"

"I did not say that!" Elizabeth said in her defense.

"Yes, but if it distracts him for at least five minutes, it will be worth the deception," Darcy said with a smile as Bingley crashed his way into the room.

"What did I do?" he demanded breathlessly, and his wife merely bade him to come over and kissed him on the cheek, quick required quite a bit of being over and maneuvering on his part with her considerable girth.

"Nothing, Charles," she said. "Except given me a child that is kicking rather relentlessly."

"Much like its father," Darcy said, and then ran straight out of the room to escape Bingley's exasperated ire as he followed him.

"I must admit that I have never seen two unrelated men take to being squabbling brothers so easily," Mr. Bennet observed, and his daughters could not do anything but agree.

* * *

The thaw came early in March, but Georgiana did not retire to London as usual not only for the obvious reasons that another female influence was desperately needed around the place, but because she had to plan for her Coming Out. Assuming that all went well with Elizabeth's condition, the Darcys would be unable to make the London season and so she would have to come out at a ball held at Pemberley sometime in the summer season. To this idea, Darcy was most disagreeable, but not in front of his sister's face. 

"She is seventeen," Elizabeth gently pointed out.

"She'll be seventeen when I damn well say she is!" her husband said, facing out the window in indignation. There were so many obvious reasons for his unusual outburst – stress concerning his upcoming possible fatherhood, his usual over-protectiveness of his sister, the fact that there had been no marital relations in two months – that Elizabeth could only laugh in reply. Darcy was in a perpetual foul mood, and having to hide it from everyone merely made it worse.

Unfortunately, on that very day arrived Colonel Fitzwilliam.

"If he asks for a friendly duel, refuse," Elizabeth said to him in private. "He nearly ran his coach through last week."

"And the reason for his discord?"

Not having any inclination to enlighten him on her husband's source of frustration – at least, the one usually relieved by ferocious dueling – she merely feigned innocence in response and gave the usual reasons of nerves concerning the confinement.

It was at dinner that night that Fitzwilliam broke the dual news – first, that he was affianced to Lady Anne de Bourgh. Second, that she would be joining him – if permitted by the Master of Pemberley – shortly in Derbyshire, for she had much desire to see her relatives. Coming with her, he pointed out, would be Mrs. Collins and her six-month-old, carrying special instructions to her every care, lest the Pemberley staff be ill-equipped to handle her delicate condition. (Mr. Darcy did not point out that this was hardly Anne's first trip to Pemberley) Lady Catherine would of course not be journeying anywhere near Derbyshire, and Mr. Collins had his own responsibilities in his Vicarage and would have to weather his wife's brief absence.

Despite his disinclination to visitors with the current state of affairs, Darcy heartily agreed and politely excused himself to tell his wife, who was no longer joining them for dinner and but rarely left her chambers. (On this matter, she had relented to his considerable will and concern for her health)

With several great carriages arrived Lady Anne de Bourgh, looking quite well by her own set of standards and was quite eagerly embraced by Colonel Fitzwilliam before being formally greeted by Darcy, who quickly ushered her in from the cold. Whether Darcy had had occasion yet to quiz Fitzwilliam on the nature of how this came about was anybody's guess, for he gave no indication, only a mildly-approving eye. The affection between them, everyone else admitted, was obvious.

Charlotte Collins came behind her, carrying her six-month old Thomas Collins, whose presence was no end of delight to both confined ladies, as he was quite a pleasant and energetic baby who thankfully seemed to take mainly after his mother in looks. He liked very much to have her told him up and attempt to stand on her knees, as sort of play-walking that was amusing to everyone as it as fun to him. That Charlotte was beaming with motherhood brought great relief to Elizabeth, who shared this separately but privately with his sister and her husband.

"It seems I did Charlotte a great favor in rejecting Mr. Collins," she said, and to Darcy's look, added, "I am surprised as you are."

"You – he - ," Mr. Darcy was at a loss for words. "He made you an offer of marriage?"

"Yes. Did I not tell you? Oh no, it was before even your first proposal. Barely weeks before. Less heated, but with considerably less regret on my part."

He merely repeated in total shock. "_He made you an offer of marriage?_"

She raised an eyebrow. "Yes, darling."

"I should run him through!"

She took hold of his balled fists, "I think you are in such a state that you would gladly run anyone through. Do not take it out on poor Mr. Collins."

"To think that – "

"I _rejected him_," she said clearly. "Without a second thought. The matter is long settled. You are just upset because you are so ... stymied."

"What?" It took him a second to grasp her meaning. "I am _not!_"

"Yes, you _are_."

In frustration he flung himself on the bed next to her. "Fine. Maybe. A small amount, I will grant you."

"Whatever did you do before me, husband?"

"I believe I was a proud, inconsiderate man lacking in social manners who would obsess about a woman because she had lovely eyes to the point of getting drunk and having to buy my sister the most expensive musical instrument in England to make up for it."

She raised her eyebrows. "That I cannot dispute."

He sighed and rested his head on her shoulder, facing away from her, and she stroked his hair.

"So you are expectant when? Three weeks?"

"It is not an exact science! And besides, there will be a period of indisposition afterwards!"

He put the pillow over his head and moaned.

Thinking on the matter, she said, "Surely there must be something in the book for this."

He immediately removed the pillow. "Yes! I am sure there is. I must check." And he ran out of their bedchamber with a speed she had never seen before, which brought her no end of laughter for some time.

* * *

Darcy had his head buried beneath his desk when his servant entered. "Lady Anne de Bourgh to see you, sir." 

He slammed the drawer shut and picked his head up. "Oh, of course. Send her in." He immediately stood and bowed. "Lady Anne."

"Mr. Darcy," she curtsied, and quickly took the seat offered to him facing the desk. "Thank you for inviting me to Pemberley on such short notice."

"Think nothing of it. You are always welcome at Pemberley, especially since we are to be - ," he frowned. "Double cousins?"

"I'm sure there is a proper word for it."

"I'm sure I don't know it. Nonetheless, my most firm congratulations, for I see you are very happy with this arrangement. Though I have to ask – "

" – it was done not without my mother's consent. I am not to be banished from Rosings," she said. "But it was not her _idea_ if that is what you are inclined to think."

"Still, it does come to some surprise. Though my cousin is a pleasant and affectionate man – "

" – who is often at Rosings – "

" – and is not without social stature." He blinked. "I cannot see why it comes to much surprise to me, then. Clearly, men are somewhat blind on these matters."

"Clearly, marriage has done wonders for your insight."

He did not take it as an insult, as it was not meant as one. "And engagement has done wonders for your health." For – though it was improper to say it – this was the first time he could rightfully recall that she had some color on her face.

"I am feeling much better these days," she said, and almost looked like she was beaming as she rose. "I will not keep you from your work." She offered her hand, and he kissed it. "I am glad we have both found happiness, even at the expense of my mother's wishes. Though, do not be surprised if we produce children of opposite gender and she proposes another infancy engagement."

"For that," he said, "she would have to get my wife to agree. And I do believe she will not find Elizabeth as agreeable as my mother on the subject."

* * *

As March waned, Darcy went through great lengths to make sure his wife did not have to play hostess to so many guests, however welcome they were or happy she was to see them. He took great pains to keep the men outdoors when the weather improved, and Mr. Bennet was quite happy in the library. It was only when Mrs. Bennet and her remaining daughters arrived that he was persuaded by his wife and Mrs. Reynolds – who teamed up on him in his chambers – to give up on the matter entirely and let nature take its course. He was only willing to stray within a certain distance of the house, but that was far enough for some casual shooting, which Mr. Bingley was quite eager to do. 

"So," said Colonel Fitzwilliam as they were reloading. "I hear that there are some plans for a ball for Georgiana."

"What, is she finally Coming Out?" Bingley said, in his usual oblivious voice.

"She'll come out when I'm cold in my grave," Darcy said without looking at either of them, which Bingley took most severely and Fitzwilliam only took with a laugh.

"I am her guardian too, and I consent to it. She is seventeen, Darcy."

"But you are not her brother. Therefore, I overrule you."

"Hmm, that is true. Perhaps I will ask Mrs. Darcy her opinion on the matter."

"If you are thinking of having her enter a conspiracy against me on this subject, I will have to run you through at our next fencing match," Darcy casually replied.

"Surely you would not do that, and make Anne suffer so."

Darcy growled. "You have caught me."

Fitzwilliam jovially turned to Bingley, "We should have a celebration for this, for the Master of Pemberley is so rarely caught."

"He's like a wild bird."

"When did I become a source of amusement for everyone?" Darcy growled."

"Since you've been managing your wife's confinement worse than her," Fitzwilliam answered.

Bingley added, "That's because he hasn't found chapter twenty-three yet."

"What?"

But before Bingley could enlighten Fitzwilliam, Darcy was charging at him like a wild boar, various curses coming out his mouth as he chased him all the way around the stately home of Pemberley.

* * *

Whether Jane was merely early and Elizabeth late was never determined, but Mrs. Bingley delivered a healthy baby girl a full two weeks before her sister, ending her confinement - and making Mr. Darcy five pounds poorer. There were no great theatrics on Bingley's part when presented with his daughter, as he was held firmly in his chair by both shoulders by his father-in-law. Elizabeth later remarked in privacy to her sister that it was Darcy who looked the palest of them all. As to naming the child "Elizabeth" Mr. Bennet objected soundly, saying his old brain would be much befuddled by the confusion despite their considerable age and height differences. And if the two great families weren't united enough, Bingley mildly said, "I've always liked the name Georgiana." His wife agreed, and so she was christened, and everyone immediately took to calling her Georgie. 

Bingley did not benefit much from the bet and the resultant financial transaction, for despite their intense secrecy, Elizabeth immediately demanded that the funds be donated to a local poorhouse, and both husbands decided to be obliging. In fact, when Geoffrey Darcy – named after his grandfather - was born two weeks later, they got into a sort of competition of piety about local donations, to the point where the house manager was quite exasperated at the repeated appearances of both of them, and some of the orphans were eating out of silver spoons, and Elizabeth told her husband to swallow his pride, lest Pemberley become the home of every orphan and destitute in Derbyshire.

"I did not know you to be so ungenerous," Darcy said as he held their son, now a week old.

"I did not know you to be so competitive," a still-tired Elizabeth replied, still retired to her bed. "But I suppose you must have something to amuse yourselves with while your wives do all the work?"

"_All_ the work?" he said. "There was at least ... an hour of my time spent on ... this," he said, cradling his son.

"My dear husband, you are being _very_ generous with yourself in your estimation."

He decided that with a physically weak wife, it was better not to be affronted. "Well, I suppose since I am considered the most generous man in Derbyshire at the moment, I am allowed that." Geoffrey giggled in his arms, or made some kind of sound that sounded like a giggle and hopefully was not a precursor to a crying fit. His father looked at him hopelessly, only to be greeted by a face full of green spit, and he quickly colored and relinquished the infant to the nurse, all the while having to endure his wife's laughter.

With the stress of his wife's confinement (for giving birth was a dangerous prospect for any woman) and the weight of producing an heir off his shoulders, Mr. Darcy was free to enjoy all of the many pleasures life had to offer him. Despite the constant wailing of an infant, Geoffrey Darcy was a lively child and had his mother's eyes, and basking in the glow of parenthood, neither parent could find fault in him, no matter how many cravats and waistcoats he ruined with various unexpected discharges. Normally a man of his stature was expected to mainly a distance from his infant son, having him only brought to him in his study, but Darcy felt no sense of obligation to this particular tradition and between him and Elizabeth, the child was hardly out of someone's arms, and how fast they went through clothing became a comedy to them and an exasperation to their servants. The Bingleys returned to Kirkland after the second birth, but there were many correspondences between them and no small instance of amusement was not described in detail. The babies did see each other again until the Pemberley Ball some months later, when little Georgie appeared sporting a wild twist of red hair that could not be combed down no matter how hard anyone tried. Her own mother, in fact, merely shrugged and said she had long since given up, giving a wry glance to her husband.

Colonel Fitzwilliam was still in attendance, and Anne would make her last appearance as a maid before retiring to Rosings for preparations to the summer wedding. With a hesitant grace, Georgiana Darcy emerged in society officially as an eligible bachelorette, though every man she danced with who was not a relation got a cold glare from Mr. Darcy.

When the festivities were finally over and the guests more or less departed in every direction, Jane made one final announcement over the relatively quite breakfast of the two couples in attendance – she was pregnant again. So there were more congratulations and smiles as they saw them off, with their now five-month-old Georgiana Bingley in Jane's arms.

"I suppose this is my fault," Darcy said to his wife as they watched the carriage pull away.

"And how would this possibly be so?"

"Well," he said, "I gave him that damned book."

The End


	16. Update and Previews

**Author's Update:** I am working on revising "A Bit of Advice." Stay on story alert for this story if you want; I plan on putting up some "deleted scenes." But because there's other things I want to write, please enjoy a preview to my new story, which is a sequel of a slightly darker tone. It involves a mystery surrounding Miss Bingley's new suitor, but still has the wackly hijinks of our favorite Derbyshire couples.

You can find it here:

http/ Question of Consent - Preview

Chapter 1 – A Most Unexpected Visitor

The servant this morning had no such worries as he entered and bowed. "Mr. Bingley, sir."

Bingley was in London. Darcy knew that as a fact. He had received a letter and had business of great import in London that could not be avoided, and with Jane still a month away, he was finally convinced by his wife to answer the call and high-tail it to Town. That was only two days ago, by Darcy's estimation, but he didn't question it and gave an approving nod.

The man who entered immediately after him was indeed Charles Bingley, still carrying his hat and looking rather weather-worn. He had clearly been riding, perhaps from Kirkland. "Please forgive – "

"What is wrong?" Darcy did not hide his concern. "Who is ill?"

"No one. I have not in fact been to Kirkland, but I did hear it and everyone is well."

Darcy frowned, and bid him to be seated, but Bingley would not. He paced by the fireplace instead as Darcy observed, "You came here directly from Town?"

"Yes. Yes, I did." He practically spit it out. "I need your advice."

"On business I assume?"

"No. Yes. Sort of. Not the business you are thinking of." As usual, Bingley was a sputtering mess, but the truth would be out soon enough, and the important thing was, Jane and Elizabeth were well and the children were well. Everything else was irrelevant and could take its time in revealing itself. "You recall I was told of pressing affairs in Town. The letter made it seem as if they were trade related." Though he rarely spoke of it, the Bingley family was still very connected to the wool trade, as it was the source of their original fortune and had potential for future fortune, but Mr. Bingley Senior had raised his son a gentlemen of leisure, so Bingley had little to do with his own business and relied on overseers and stewards to manage it almost entirely. "This was not entirely true."

Darcy simply gave him the same impatient look that said, 'Do go on, silly man who is wasting my time' that he gave to practically everybody.

"As it turns out, my sister is engaged, and was seeking my consent for her marriage to a certain minor earl. His name is Lord James Kincaid, and they are very eager to be married, but I suppose they must have imagined that I would not leave Kirkland for another month."

"And they could not come to you."

Bingley shrugged. "I suppose Caroline wanted me to meet him in the proper setting."

"So I am to understand that Miss Bingley is affianced to Scottish nobility, and you are here to ask me ... what, exactly? If you should give your consent?"

"No, not precisely." Bingley twirled around in frustration. "I dislike saying it."

"Saying what? I was not under the impression that you dislike anything in this world."

Bingley frowned, and leaned on the fireplace, facing into the dark, unlit coals. "I do not favor this man."

To this, Darcy had to give pause. Considerable pause. "In our entire history, I cannot think of a single acquaintance that you did not like immensely, even when there was ample reason for the contrary. You have spoken highly even of women who have slighted you and servants who have cheated you. So I must come to the conclusion that this man is either secretly George Wickham, or he is the most disgusting, disagreeable man in Britain."

"Precisely. Only, he isn't. He's quite pleasant, and he seems ... well, Caroline is pleased with the arrangement."

"So he is wealthy."

"Not by heritage. His particular region is not very prosperous, somewhere in the lowlands. But he went to Australia and made a fortune there, and has just recently returned to settle down."

"The lowlands, you say?"

"Yes. Not so terribly far from here, so it is not a question of my not wanting the distance between us ..." Because despite the general disposition of his siblings, Charles Bingley was a model brother and loved them dearly. "To be blunt about it, I don't know what it is that bothers me about him. I can find no proper reason not to like this man, and eagerly consent to a marriage that would make Caroline happy." He paused. "And yet, here I am."

"And I am still waiting for your answer to my question. On what subject do you need advice? Surely you cannot ask me to judge the man from afar? Or for that matter, to have any real say in the matter of whom Miss Bingley marries."

"I know, but ...," he hesitated again. "I would wish a favor from you, Darcy."

"You know you do not even have to ask."

"I would ask you to go to Town. Secretly, or to accompany, I care not. But – to put it correctly – you know something of discovering people's ... connections."


End file.
